


Baby,This World is Decomposing

by Decemberangel



Series: We're All Fucking Dead [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alternate Universe - Wolves, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, BAMF Stiles, Dead Sheriff Stilinski, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Hurt Stiles, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Sassy Erica, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Slow Burn, Stiles Stilinski Is Bad at Feelings, The Boy Who Runs With Wolves, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-10-22 01:37:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 70,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decemberangel/pseuds/Decemberangel
Summary: The assholes in New York thought mugging me was a good idea. I mean I get it, really. It’s the apocalypse, it’s a dog eat dog world. So honestly, I can’t really fault those dickbags for wanting my stuff. However, that didn’t stop me from having to kill them. A shame, really. Had they just let me go, they would have lived to see another day.-or-The one where Stiles has trekked across the country to finally get to his safe haven. Him and his pack of wolves, actual wolves, have finally reached safety. Or have they?





	1. Rigor Mortis

“ _ This is the National Emergency Broadcasting System," _ it begins. _ "This country has been stricken by a devastating pandemic that has left the entire eastern seaboard decimated. Communications have been severely disrupted, and the number of casualties and the extent of the damage are not yet known. We shall bring you further information as soon as possible. _

_ Meanwhile, stay tuned to this wavelength, stay calm and stay in your own homes.”  _

_ “ _ That damn broadcast is really getting on my fucking nerves.” I growl to myself, “I’m surprised no one’s found where it’s coming from and shut it off.”

The sun beats down on me harshly, making me sweat more than I would like to be. I’m growing dangerously low in the water department again so I’ll need to restock today or tomorrow at the latest. Good news: it looks like it’s going to rain soon. Today’s my lucky day. Just another hot day out on I-90. But we’re so fucking close that I’m powering through a twisted ankle and a still bleeding head wound. I’ve gone through too much shit to slow down now. It’s taken me almost half a year to get from Albany to Yellowstone and I’m only a day’s walking distance now. I’m still looking for a car but that’s okay. I’m sure I’ll manage to find one soon. After all, it’s almost raining and Fenris just walked back onto the highway with a rabbit in his teeth. Now I have dinner. Today really is my lucky day. 

“Good job, bud. Looks great. We’ll be hitting town in three miles. So we’ll make camp for the night and rest up. Then tomorrow we’ll hit the park and head as far in as we can.” I say, rubbing the wolf’s head affectionately, “Where are Gray and Wilk?”

The gray wolf looks in their direction and resumes trotting by my side. His intelligent eyes scan the horizon for danger. I’ve never felt safer. The three wolves often run in a perimeter around me but when they need to hunt they go off on their own, not too far from me but far enough to find their own food. Fenris is the one usually charged with the task of bringing me back one of their kills so I have something occasionally and so I know I’m part of their pack. The next mile is painful as was the last 2,000 miles but now we’re almost to safety. I have to push through.

When we hit town, I have my bat in my hands, sharpened nails pointed out at the ready. My guns are at my hips and my knives at my thighs and in my boots. I’m ready to kill some zombies. The small town is the last stop before we reach the park, which means this is the last chance for me to salvage anything that could be useful to us. The town is completely deserted. It’s painfully silent and there are corpses everywhere. None are on their feet, however and I count that as another small blessing. There’s a convenient store at the end of the first block, we’ll hit that first. I give a whistle, calling the wolves to me. Fenris is already by my side, rigid and tense. Then the other two are running towards me, taking their own stances in our practiced formation. The three wolves form a tight formation, Fenris and Gray at my sides with the biggest, Wilk, in front of me. They’re sniffing the air and listening carefully. When they deem it safe, we move in. It’s quiet and not all too dangerous at the moment. So we’re moving at a pretty relaxed pace. The longer we walk without a single disturbance reassures me. We’re so far north that there really isn’t too much of a population up here so there are fewer walkers. Another reason I wanted to get up here. It’s almost relaxing.

“Once we get everything we can from this town, we’re going into the park and never leaving. I think I’ll be perfectly happy to die there.” I tell them. I can see Wilk nod in agreement. Smart wolf.

“Alright. Yeah, I think making camp will be good. We’ve been walking for two days straight and I’m about ready to drop.” I groaned at the wolves. The huff in amusement, it’s really not fair how much ground they can cover each day without being tired at all. And I have to keep up with them.

When we approach the store, the door is bolted shut. Well, not for long. It’s not that hard to kick down the door. . .unless you have a twisted ankle. So it takes me a few excruciatingly painful kicks, I manage to kick the door in. There’s a loud crashing noise and my wolves bare their teeth, ready to kill. After giving a quick listen and sniff, they stand down, signaling to me that it’s safe to enter. After locking the doors behind me, I start to take stock of what’s left. Surprisingly, the store isn’t too picked over. I take a moment to pull out my Walkman and put in my Johnny Cash cd. Music plays through my one earbud and I can’t help but relax immediately. It’s rare moments like these where I can take a breath and be calm. It’s been a long time. 

“Alright, let’s see what we can salvage.” I sigh. 

The food is pretty picked over but there are some non-perishables that still look good. There are three bags of rice and I count that as a score. Two cans of powdered milk. Holy shit. I haven’t had milk in almost two months. It’s gonna fuck me up but totally worth it. There are maps of the park, good. I’ll have to map out my course tonight and try to get an idea of where I’m going to be living for the foreseeable future. Pamphlets of the park also litter the floor. Might as well read up on the park. There are fishing poles in the back. There are also some rolls of fishing line and two little jars of fake bait. Those can’t be good. I leave those. I grab as many packets of fishing hooks and weights I can. I’m running out of bagspace. There’s a small apartment complex at the end of the block. I’ll have to scavenge a little more before I can hit the park. Probably a good idea to stock up on more clothes. It’s already damn cold in the area and I know for a fact that the park is going to be freezing. There’s a small office in the back, the door is slightly ajar and I can see a corpse, albeit a dried out fucking mummy corpse, but still. The guy looks like he died screaming. His flannel is stained red around his heart. Someone shot the poor bastard. His hat still hanging on his head. But his jacket, a thick snow jacket, is still hanging on the coat rack in the corner. That’s going to be going with me for sure.

“I can’t believe my luck today.” I give a humorless chuckle to Fenris, who is currently scarfing down a rat that was scuttling around.

“I’ll have to skin that rabbit. And cook it.” I tell him. I’m starving. Haven’t eaten in almost a day and a half, “Fuck. I’ve picked this place clean. We might as well find an apartment or something. Who knows, we’ve been pretty lucky recently, fingers crossed it keeps up.”

I grabbed my bags and whistled for the wolves. Getting back out into the open, I still have my earbud going, the wolves are pretty calm right now so there’s no walkers around. That’s good. We spend the next two hours walking through the town. There’s nothing too promising. The apartments were picked over an looted. Nothing there any more that’s of use. Well, nothing I can carry with me. Then into the neighborhoods, at the end of the first street sits a small camper. 

“Oh my God.” I grin, “I haven’t seen one of these in years. I didn’t even think I could ever find one. . .at least, not in this condition! Fenris, do you know what this is?” I ask the wolf who only gives me an exasperated huff, “It’s an Airstream Bambi.” I hobbled over to the small camper, brushed my fingers against the silver exterior. I could cry I’m so happy. It’s half in a ditch but I could find a car to pull it out. I’ll have to go around to the cars that still look functional enough to run and jump start them but I can totally do it. 

I set out to the first car, a few feet away. It’s a little chevy pick up and even though I’ve never been a fan of chevys, I can get over it. The car is dirty, the windshield cracked but hey, beggers can’t be choosers. I pull out my flathead screwdriver and unscrew the two covers that hold the steering wheel column. Once that’s done I pull out the ignition lock cylinder and jam the screwdriver into the starter. I close my eyes and pray. There’s a few clicks but not enough juice to start the car. Fuck. On the bright side, there’s gas in the tank so I’ll be syphoning the gas once I do find a car. I turn to see another car down the street and quickly get over to it. It’s a good sized Ram pickup. There’s a fucking dead body in the driver’s seat. 

“I fucking hate corpses.” I grunt to Gray. She’s taken the next ‘Stiles shift’. After I pull the dead guy out of the truck, I follow the same process as the other truck. It turns over, “There is a God.” I say to Gray. And there’s half a tank. Sweet mercy. After three years of non-stop shit, I’m finally catching a break.

“Okay. Hop in, girl.” I tell her. She jumps into the cab of the truck and lays in the backseat. After getting the small trailer hooked up and set, I park the truck and trailer in the space between two houses, successfully hiding my new home. 

“Just in case someone runs through town and gets any ideas.” I tell my wolf. She gives me a sharp nod and follows me out of the truck. Fenris and Wilk see our new home and yip in happiness.

“I know, I don’t know what angel is looking after me but I hope they stick around.” I chuckle, “Now that we have more space, let’s salvage shit we need for winter.” 

They nod and follow me out towards the first house. The door is open and we slip inside while Fenris stands watch outside the house. I hear a groan and a crash from the kitchen and I hear the wolf’s growls. I know exactly what that means. I steel myself and raise my bat above my head, ready to strike. In the kitchen, there’s a withered corpse, still walking. I have no idea how, the remains of this woman are so scant that I’m surprise she’s still up and moving around. The blood drips from every orifice and her teeth are bared. Dead eyes land on me and she’s moving fast. Moaning and hissing at me. It’s all too easy to swing the bat and hit the nail right on the head. Literally. She falls to the ground faster than a sack of shit and stays down. Finally dead. There’s another noise from upstairs and I know it’s another one. I’ll spare you the details of another gory kill. Once the house is cleared, I start rummaging through their shit. I ignore the photos on the walls. The once happy and lively faces of the people who once inhabited this house are long gone. Never to return. Hell, never to take a breath. It’s morbid as fuck but that’s the world we live in, folks. 

I pull out bedsheets and pillows, haul them to the trailer. The Airstream is small but it’s all I need. A bed in the back, a table that I immediately pull out and turn into a bed for the wolves. After I dress my bed with the sheets and pillows, I stash a few thick comforters on the bed. I’ll figure out where to put that shit later. Then I put another blanket on the pull out bed for the wolves when they sleep there. They always sleep curled together so this is really pretty perfect for them. I make several runs from the house to the trailer stashing pots and pans, clothes, and other necessities. I found soap! I can’t even begin to say how awesome that is. And toilet paper? Fuck. I found a whole pack of them in that house. Fucking score. I’m so happy right now I feel high. I’m not even tired or hurting anymore. I’m extremely happy. This house is still well stocked, no one’s looted the place yet. Which is really surprising considering how it’s been five years since the outbreak. This whole town is still pretty well off, even with everyone dead and gone. This town must have gone tits up not too long ago. The herd of zombies passed through and gone. When I get to the master bedroom, there’s a shotgun in the closet. A Winchester model 70. This guy was packing. There’s also four boxes of 100 count rifle cartridges. You would think a guy with this much firepower would have used it. I guess when shit takes you by surprise there’s really no time. Ah well. His loss, my gain. I grab the rifle and the amo and stash it under the seat in the truck. I run back and grab all the thick long sleeve shirts and pants the man owned. He’s got a pair of really nice boots too. In the corner of the closet is a set of camouflage hunting pants and a matching jacket. Could come in handy. I’ll look in the drawers later for the rest of the stuff. God I can’t believe my luck right now. Is it my birthday?

I have no idea. For all I know, it could be. Last thing I check in the house is the garage. It’s dusty as fuck and my allergies are going to be killing me after this for sure. But there’s some really good shit in here. Like another fishing pole. And a tackle box. With a book on how to fish! I mean, I’m sure I could figure it out on my own but why waste a book? There’s also a bunch of hunting and camping gear. There’s a nice buck knife and a machete. Wow this guy really liked to kill things. The irony is  _ killing  _ me. Ha. Downside to the apokalypse: no one’s there to laugh at my jokes.

I strap the machete to my hip and stash the buck knife in my back pocket. Then I see the small portable generator. Thank Jesus. It’s a solar generator too, that’s really great. I carry it back and set it in the bed of the truck and stash the buck knife in the driver’s side door. The wolves watch me moving back and forth with happy faces. Little shits aren’t helping, just happy to let me do all the work. Whatever. The last thing I grab are all the books, cds and dvds I can find. With a generator I can probably get the small tv in the trailer working. It’s been years since I’ve watched a movie. The people that owned the house must have had kids cuz there’s a shit ton of disney movies. Which, I don’t mind but still. There’s also the entire Terminator series and Indiana Jones. No Star Wars, though. Kinda bummed about that but I’ll live. All the books are really gross looking romance novels but I’m desperate. I’m gonna be bored all the time and I can’t watch all these movies all the time so. . .romance novels it is. I chuck the bag of entertainment into the trailer. Okay. . .what else? 

The sun is starting to set and I know I don’t really want to press my luck for the rest of the night.  Better to call it a night and just be happy with what I got. If I find anything else tonight I’ll pack it in the morning. But there’s an actual bed and a shower. Maybe the water will still run and I can actually be clean for the first time in months. I pull a tarp over the truck and a few fallen branches to try and hide it a little more, just in case someone rolls into town, which I highly doubt  they will but still.

“Come on, we’ll call it good for now.” I tell the wolves and usher them inside the house. They’re all too happy to be indoors and begin to explore the place on their own, leaving me to my own devices. After barricading the door and shutting all the blinds, I flip on the lights. They stutter just a little but start working again. My ankle is starting to hurt again and all the activity I’ve been doing didn’t help at all. But I’m starving so the first thing I do is pull out that rabbit and get the stove going. It’s a pretty old house so it’s a propane burning stove. Propane stoves are the best. I pull out one of the three pans I didn’t loot and proceeded to skin, gut and cook the rabbit. 

“I’m gonna eat good tonight.” I grin. 

Once the rabbit is good to go, I grab a fork and dig in. The moan that escapes my mouth as I take the first bite is loud and I am so not ashamed. Holy shit this is the best rabbit I’ve ever eaten. Ugh. There’s even a jar of rice on the counter so I get that going once I’m done scarfing down my rabbit. I make as much as I can so I can eat and give some to the wolves. They’ve been making large, begging eyes at me since I made the rabbit. While that’s cooking, I rummage through the drawers and find stray batteries and a deck of cards. Sweet. I set all the stuff I missed on the table to be packed tomorrow morning. There’s another bottle of dish soap and an unopened package of sponges. That’s going too. There are water jugs in the pantry and a few cans of spam. I fucking love spam and it’s taking a lot of willpower not to make some right now. I need to be saving food not using it up the minute I find it. 

After serving up the rice for the wolves and scarfing a good portion down my throat, I make my way upstairs to shower and hopefully get some sleep. The water sputters to life and groans in the pipes for a few minutes until there’s a steady stream of water. Let me just say, that I am not taking any of this for granted. Hell no, this is the first real shower I’ve had in close to four months. Washing in a creek or river does not count at all. I mean, it’s the zombie apocalypse so there’s really no one around to impress or try to smell nice for and I’ve sorta given up on trying not to smell. I’ve gotten accustomed to the constant odor coming off my body. I hardly even notice it anymore. If my long hair and beard are anything to go by, it’s that I haven’t cared in a long time. The dirt literally falls off of me in clumps. Dried blood and muck turn the water a dirty color. Pretty damn nasty. It takes a long time for the water to run clear. I even pick out little bits of leaves and twigs in my beard. I’ll have to cut this down a little bit. My hair is getting a little long too. I’m starting to look like Jesus. I’m sure I can find some scissors around here. I use the wife’s old soap and by the time I’m done with my shower, I smell like citrus and fruit. Not a bad smell, I actually love it. It’s the first time I’m truly clean in years. When I get out of the steaming shower, I take stock of all my injuries.

My ankle is bruised and swollen. Dark blue and purple splotches cover my ankle and it’s still hurting like a bitch. My body is littered with scars and still-healing bruises and cuts. My ribs are painted blue, purple and yellow. A shallow cut on my shoulder bleeds sluggishly as I’ve just ripped off the dirt clog that had stopped the bleeding. The bullet hole on my right bicep from two weeks ago just as he entered Wyoming is still stitched. It looks good. Still counting my blessings. 

I dug through the cabinets and pulled out a bottle of pain pills. Ibuprofen. There’s only eight pills left in the bottle. So just two for now. There’s also a slightly rusted straight razor. Awesome, now I can cut this beard down. After minimal damage to my skin and almost thirty minutes of very  _ carefully  _ dragging the blade across my face, the beard is gone. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my face without the beard so it’s a little weird. Hah. Weird beard. Now I can actually see the scar that trails from my ear to my chin. It’s flat and bright pink against my face. Pretty gruesome. I remember when I got it. The assholes in New York thought mugging me was a good idea. I mean I get it, really. It’s the apocalypse, it’s a dog eat dog world. So honestly, I can’t really fault those dickbags for wanting my stuff. However, that didn’t stop me from having to kill them. A shame, really. Had they just let me go, they would have lived to see another day.

I took the razor and cut it down. I like it long so I’ll leave it six inches long. That should be fine. I’m not a hairdresser so it’s a little choppy but whatever. Not like I have anyone to impress. When I’m done with the shower I search through the man’s drawers for some boxers. Well, the ones I didn’t take. I know, gross I’m using someone else’s underwear. Seriously though, they don’t have holes, there’s no stains. So if I just don’t think about it, not a big deal. Desperate times call for desperate measures. When you’re tits deep in the zombie apocalypse, you don’t have the luxuries of new and unused undies. So I learned to get over my squeamishness and fast. They’re only a size too big but I’ll make due. Searching deeper through his stuff I find a pair of worn blue jeans. Thank God they fit. I’d hate to have to do some tailoring. But his shirts are pretty damn big. He must have been pretty small around the waist with a big beer belly. I pulled on one of his long sleeve shirts and laid out the jeans for tomorrow as well as all the underwear I deem fit. Like I said: no holes, no stains. I haven’t owned this much stuff since before the world went to hell in a handbasket.

But I am dead ass tired now. It’s been a long couple years and now I feel like I can rest for a bit. I collapse on the bed and curl up under the sheets. Holy  _ fuck.  _ I let out a loud groan and feel my entire body sting as my muscles relax and it feels so fucking good I want to cry. The wolves come up one at a time when they’re ready for bed. Wolves are nocturnal but since I’ve raised them, their sleep schedules are a little different. Fenris is the first to jump into bed with me and curl up by my feet. Gray is second, she curls up by my chest, she likes cuddling much more than her brothers. Wilk is last, naturally. The biggest and the toughest. He doesn’t sleep on the bed with me, preferring to sleep with a pillow on the floor, right between the bed and the door.

“My big, strong guard wolf.” I chuckle, “You’re the best, Wilk.” He gives me a small bark and turns back to stand sentry. 

“I love you guys.” I tell them tiredly, “I’d be rotting in some ditch without you.”

Gray utters a heartfelt whine and licks the side of my face lovingly. As if to tell me not to talk like that. Yup, my wolves. Big puppies if you ask me. 


	2. Sweet Sanctuary

Gray wakes me up with long, wet licks to my face. Her hot breath ghosting over my face. I shove her off and chuckle, wiping away the spit.

“You know I hate it when you do that. It was cute when you were a pup, now it’s just nasty.” I grin, scratching behind her ears. Wilk and Fenris stare at me expectantly, “I guess you guys are anxious to leave, aren’t you? Alright. I’ll get breakfast going then get the last few items in the trailer and we’ll stop to fill up a tank of propane, steal some tires and gas and we’ll head out.”

They give me nods in understanding and let me get up out of bed. 

“You guys have no idea how good I feel right now. I just got more than two consecutive hours of  sleep, I’m well fed, hydrated and clean. I haven’t been this put together in a long time.” I say to them, “To think, in a couple hours we’ll be sitting the lakeshore, setting up our new home. Every day will be easier. There won’t be any walkers, well, hopefully. I don’t imagine there being a lot of them out there but who knows. Maybe we’ll have to clear them. But I don’t think all that wildlife would let too many of them get around so easily. Not to mention, it’s going to get cold soon and zombies never do well in the cold.” 

They listen to me ramble on as I get dressed for the day and make it downstairs to make more rice for breakfast and some to pack for lunch. Once it gets going I pack the last of the shit in the trailer, fill up the water tank using the hose outback then sit down to eat. A few more minutes of quiet and safety before running out into the world again. The wolves all seem to mimic my thoughts. They’re just as exhausted as I am. This life, their life and mine, haven’t been easy. Not by a longshot. And maybe, by getting to where we’re going we’ll find sanctuary. When we finish breakfast and packing for lunch, it’s time to get to work. There are Jerry cans littering the street from people trying to carry gas to their cars and not making it back. Poor bastards. I pick a couple up and run down to the truck at the end of the street, syphoning all the gass. Four five gallon cans in the back of the truck later I’m calling it good for now. 

“Alright, pups. One more stop then we’re on our way.” I tell them. My pups are massive, though and can’t fit all of them inside the truck. Gray, being smaller than her brothers but still just as big or bigger than me, sits in the passenger seat. Fenris lays in the cab and Wilk, the massive animal that he is, sits happily in the bed of the truck with all of our crap. It’s funny that even though they’re massive and deadly wolves, they still stick their heads out the window with their tongues lolling out of their mouths. That one last stop is to get propane. All I could find from the grill in the backyard were two tanks. The gas station two blocks back has a propane tank so I’ll be set from there.

“This whole town is quiet. Only a few walkers here and there. Makes you wonder. . .” I say to the wolves, “I wonder if everyone who lived here is really dead. Did they leave to find family? Die off? Were they murdered?” 

Gray looks at me like she’s considering my questions, a puzzled look on her face tells me she’s just as clueless as I am. Fast forward twenty minutes, I’m tossing the two full propane tanks in the trailer and getting back into the truck and I’ve managed to pump more gas into the tank.

“We’ve got to head fifty-three miles to hit the east entrance to the park. From there we’ll take this pass here, all the way to Fishing Bridge then gas up there before moving to Bridge Bay. That’s where we’ll set up camp.” I tell them, reading the maps in my lap. They give me a nod in agreement and we set off. 

In the rearview I can see walkers. Not many, no more than twenty. It’s a small herd but they represent everything I’m trying to leave behind. Everything that I loath with my entire being. Without even giving them a second glass, I speed off in the correct direction. It’s fairly simple getting to where we need to go, there are signs everywhere directing me to the east entrance. All we do now is wait. I pop in my  _ Scorpions _ CD and we’re rolling to  _ Love at First Sting _ . I unashamedly belt out the lyrics to  _ Still Loving You _ and  _ Big City Nights _ . My wolves howl occasionally to the music. It’s all good fun. If I delude myself enough, I can pretend that I’m on a fun cross-country road trip with my best friends instead of the never ending shit storm that is my life. No, for now I can pretend. 

It gets to be mid-morning when we finally hit the entrance to the park, which, much to my chagrin, is blocked by cars. Which, I guess is a very good thing, just a lot of work for me. Now I have to get out of my car, push the other cars out of the way, get back in my car, drive in, get out, push the cars back and then I can continue down the mountain pass to where I’m ultimately hoping to end up. It’s a long process and it takes a lot of power that my ankle is refusing to give me. With Wilk and Fenris’s help, we manage to get everything in place and secure. It’s not a terribly impressive barricade but it’s enough so that if a walker or herd manage to get all the way up here then they’re not going to get much farther. Maybe there are other people here in the park. I really fucking hope not. I’d be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life alone.

It’s absolutely beautiful here. I mean, I’ve been a lot of places, practically walked from one end of the country to the other but this. . .the winding roads, the scenery, the natural beauty. . .it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Hands down. I can see elk grazing and I even saw a bear walking around. I hope the wolves are going to be safe. I know there are other packs in these woods and the last thing I want is a territory war. I guess that’ll be a fear for another day. When we get to the visitor’s center just beyond the bridge, I syphon what I can out of the few cars and decrepit old vehicles I can find. It’s another twenty three miles to where I want to settle down. So far, everything’s been a smooth ride. I have seen zero walkers. Literally zero. I think I’m in heaven. Am I sure I didn’t die while I wasn’t looking? I’m not sure. We follow the pass along the lake. Trying to decide where to set up shop for the rest of my life. Then I see it: a perfect little hollow in the trees. It’s perfect. Right on the lake shore, the sun shines brightly on the little patch of land making it look like somehow, my guardian angel is shining a spotlight. Like I’m meant to be there.

“Well guys, say hello to our new home.” I tell the wolves with a happy grin. I let them hop out of the truck and they sprint off into the surrounding area in different directions, “Try not to get yourselves killed, please.” I shout to them. 

Lazy asses leave me to set up camp while they run off to play. Wonderful. It’s actually kind of chilly. It can’t be more than 53 degrees. That means it’s gonna get hella cold at night. I get the trailer all set up and unhitched from the truck and set out the generator to start working. Maybe tonight I can relax by watching a movie. The idea of relaxing and watching a movie makes me practically giddy. 

“You know, it only took me five years of struggles to get here.” I sigh.  

Getting the trailer unhitched and hunkered down was the easy part. Unloading all the supplies and stowing them away, clearing out the trailer and setting up camp took time. My ankle is killing me and my body is aching but I manage to get everything set up to my liking and now I’m sitting, relaxing in a camping chair, staring out at the lake. A fishing pole is sitting in my lap and it’s quiet, all that can be heard are the birds and the wind in the trees. It’s almost a little nippy outside but the sun shining on me is warm. All I need now is a beer.

“I made it, dad.” I say to the sky. A breeze picks up and brushes against my face then calms just as quickly and I know. That somehow, somewhere, he’s heard me. And he’s happy.

It’s like a fucking Hallmark movie. The way the birds are chirping and the breeze sounds in the trees. It’s all so aesthetically pleasing it’s crazy. I watch the wind sweep over the lake, disturbing the water. It seems so safe. So impossibly perfect. I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I’ll make the best of this. 

. . .

“Derek, there’s an intruder in the park, by the lake.” Erica runs up to her Alpha, “He’s cute too.”

“What do you mean intruder? Just passing through or hunkering down?” Derek growled.

“It looks like he’s staying for awhile.” She says, “But there’s something odd about him.”

“He shouldn’t have even made it this far into the park.” The Alpha says, “Chase him off.”

“Der, I think you really need to see this guy for yourself.” She give him a sly grin, effectively unnerving the Alpha. Just then, Scott comes running into the cabin with a wide grin on his face.

“Derek! There’s a guy-”

“I know! What I don’t know is why he’s not dead yet.” The Alpha questions his betas curtly. They looked at each other, sheepishly coming to the same conclusion.

“I don’t wanna kill him, he looks nice. Smells nice too. . .” Scott says sheepishly.

“You need to check it out for yourself, Derek. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.” Erica says, “If you see him and you still want him gone, I’ll kill him myself.” 

Derek weighs his options in his head, as much as he wants to kill the trespasser and go back to having the park completely free of humans, he can’t deny that both Erica and Scott have peaked his interest. An intruder that has somehow captured both their attention? Not to mention, the nearest town to the park had been devoid of humans for close to two years and the park itself for close to four years. This is the first person to make their way towards their territory, the wolves had begun to think that all humans had died out by now. 

“Fine, I’ll check him out. I’ll be back in a few hours. Howl if-”

“Howl if we need you, got it, Der. Just go, will you?” Erica said, pushing him out the door and pointing in the direction of the trespasser, “Trust me, when you see him, killing him will be the last thing you’ll wanna do.”

Derek shifts and sprints on all fours. There’s an unknown human in his territory. An unknown threat. With the whole zombie apocalypse going on around them, they’ve worked extremely hard to keep the park zombie and human free. For the most part, they’ve managed to seal off the entire park, made it almost impossible to get into the park unless you’re really determined. Based off of where the man has settled, he came in through the east entrance. Which he now realizes is a more urgent matter than he had expected. The park has been claimed territory since the pack had seized control of it just after the outbreak happened close to six years ago.

Derek has been the Alpha of this territory since the beginning and now he’s not letting everything go to shit because of one interesting human. Hell no, they cleared the park, they protect it, the park is theirs. When Derek reaches the lake, he spots the human. He’s just finished setting up the small trailer and campsite that he’s now taking time to admire. Derek growls lowly, how dare this human assume that settling here would be this easily done. The Alpha is about ready to pounce when a strong breeze carries the man’s scent towards Derek. For the first time in his life, he’s stunned. The smell of rain and lavender and something Derek can’t place. It’s intoxicating. He looks on at the intruder, listening to his unnaturally fast paced heartbeat.

“I made it.” He hears. The man’s voice is somber and so filled with relief that it takes the Alpha by surprise. The intruder goes to the back of his truck and picks up a fishing pole and tackle box, limping slightly as he goes. He’s injured, it occurs to Derek like a punch in the gut and he wants to know why the man is hurt. But then it hits him, this man could have enemies. He could very well have led them to the park, to disturb the peace he’s worked so hard to keep and he’s angry again. He stalks the man to the edge of the lake, continuing to watch him set up a chair and begin to set up the fishing pole. When he draws the pole back, Derek gets a glimpse of dark purple skin on his side and he finds himself angry again, wondering who would hurt this wonderful smelling man. 

The intruder casts fairly far out, he’s strong, Derek notes. Then Derek catches a whiff of wolves, actual wolves. He can see three, large and intimidating looking wolves making their way to the intruder, one of whom is carrying a large beaver in its jaws. For a moment Derek’s first instinct is to jump to the stranger’s aid and fend off the wolves but he quickly comes to his senses and watches. Hopefully the wolves will take care of the intruder and Derek’s issue will be cleared up quickly. But then something extremely odd happens. The intruder smiles at the wolves, and what an amazing smile it is. The man beckons the wolves closer to him and for a moment, Derek thinks that maybe this man is insane. But the wolves aren’t snarling. They aren’t defensive. No, instead of doing what Derek thought they would, they approach the man and sit at his feet. The largest of the three wolves even puts his head in the man’s lap to him to be scratched behind the ear. The one carrying the beaver sets it by the man’s feet and yips at him happily.

“Overgrown puppy.” The man says fondly, “Nice catch, guys. That’s gonna be good dinner tonight. Rice, beaver and possibly a little fish. If we’re lucky today. I know we just got here but I also need you guys to do a little foraging for me. If you could, soon try to scope out the deserted camp grounds and see if you can find an axe. The one thing I forget.” He chuckled.

This man is comfortable around wolves. . .hell, he’s treating them like they’re people instead of animals and they seem to understand him completely. Like they’ve known each other for years. Derek is completely stunned. This man is very unusual. 

“Dad would have loved it here.” He tells the wolves, who whine at his words as if feeling his sorrow, “I know. He wouldn’t want me to be sad. This is all he ever really wanted for me. To be safe and happy. I think we’re going to be really happy here, pups. It’s so beautiful and serene. After everything we’ve been through. . .it’s nice to finally catch a break. You three can hunt, maybe meet some other nice wolves. . .start families. I know you three are old enough now, you can chose if you want to stay with me or if you want to leave the pack.” The three wolves wines even more, leaning into the man’s touch, “I’m just saying that I will always be here for you three. No matter what, I will be here. If you bring more wolves into the little pack we have now, well, I would love having them too. You three have been my family for almost two years now. To think I raised you guys all on my own. God, time flies doesn’t it? Dad would have been terrified of you guys.” The man laughs, “You were such cute little furry beans. It was hard raising you guys, keeping you safe, feeding you, but in the end, I would have done it all again.”

Derek is struck by the sincerity and love in the man’s voice. He finds himself being drawn in by the man’s laugh, by the sad smile, by the powerful pull the man exudes. The Alpha has never felt drawn to anyone the way he finds himself feeling towards the intruder. Maybe he can stay. . .he doesn’t seem to be bothering anyone, he’s alone and he’s only looking for sanctuary. Surely their park is big enough for one more?

“I never thought we would make it out of Georgia. That crazy bastard thinks he runs everything down there. And New York? Fuck that place has gone straight to mob rule. I think what really pissed me off was the fact that Michigan seemed like an okay place to settle. I mean, they weren’t completely crazy down there.” The biggest wolf gives a noise strangely like a chortle or bark of laughter, “Okay, I mean sure, that one clan was pretty insane. That girl, Heather.” The wolves growl, “I know, I know. You were only half a year old, I should have known she wanted to get rid of you guys. I’m glad she’s dead, really. When she said you ran away I knew something was wrong. I’ve never felt more angry than when I saw she put you in cages. Killing her was well worth losing two fingers.”

The man lifts his right hand, admiring the three fingers left on his hand. Derek is practically waiting on the edge of his seat to listen to more of this man’s stories. He can hear the wolves yipping at him, smelling both loving and worried for their human. No doubt they hate that he was put in danger but love that he was willing to sacrifice himself for them. 

“Totally worth putting that bitch down. She was so crazy that her clan even thanked me.” The man laughed, “Your mother probably would have ripped her to pieces. . .how about pan fried bever steaks? I think I could probably use the fat to fry it. It’s going to be cold tonight, I’m sure. It’s nearly winter, I wouldn’t be surprised if it reached single digits tonight. The generator will have enough power so we can watch a movie tonight. I was thinking  _ Brother Bear _ . You’ve never seen any Disney so this will be fun. Maybe we can salvage some stuff from the campsites tomorrow, who knows what we’ll find. We should probably check out the ranger’s station too. I need to find some more pain meds. A med kit wouldn’t hurt either. I hope we won’t have any bear problems but just in case, we’ll make dinner and eat it down here. Don’t want to wake up to a grizzly or a black bear banging on our door. Gotta respect our neighbors and all that but I definitely don’t want them asking to borrow any sugar.” 

Derek knows that the bears are going to be going into hibernation soon but he’ll definitely need to be careful. This man is new to the area and since the bears haven’t had any human interaction in years, they won’t take kindly to an outsider. Derek knows that the bears won’t come near wolves so as long as he isn’t alone in bear territory, he’ll be fine. 

“I really want to see the geysers at some point too, maybe in a fews days once I’m all healed we’ll make a day trip. Maybe do some hiking and-” His pole begins to jump and wiggling in his hands as the newcomer’s got a bite on the line. He jumps to his feet and smiles brilliantly, reeling in his catch. The wolves all yip excitedly and the man laughs, “Holy shit!” He says, finally revealing a lake trout about 29 inches long, “We’re going to eat so good tonight, Holy shit.” 

For some reason, Derek feels a stab of pride in his chest. But didn’t he come down here to chase him off? This man could be a danger to him and his pack. He could. . .Seriously? This guy is doing a really awkward victory dance. This guy is a complete dork. He can’t be that big of a danger to his home. Derek doesn’t want to kill the guy. Or chase him off. He still doesn’t know why he doesn’t feel like doing exactly what he told Erica he would do because. . .Derek doesn’t know if he can. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there, watching the man going about his own business. The wolves leave at one point to get what the man asked for earlier, one of them returns with an old axe and the other two return with branches and kindling. Once he finishes with fishing, he walks up to a nearby tree and chops it down, it’s not too thick and it’s big enough that in his injured state, he can still manage to chop it to bits and form a good sized pire. Derek watches his resourcefulness as he bustles about, rigging up a workable grill. He has matches so it isn’t hard to get the kindling going and then the wood goes up in flames. This man knows what he’s doing. It’s pretty laid back, the way he’s tending to the fire, the way he expertly handles the knife to skin and gut the beaver and fish. The wolves lay in the grass, watching their human work. He hums as he cooks their dinner. It’s a song that sounds all too much like an ACDC song, but Derek isn’t sure which one. When dinner is done, it’s dark out and the only light is the moon shining brightly and the fire illuminating their little campsite. He watches the man toss the wolves their own chunks of raw beaver while his own meal sears on a pan above the fire. He munches on the cooked fish and groans the moment it meets his lips. When the beaver is done, he sits in his chair with his plate in his lap.

“It was a good day. Probably the best day we’ve had in a long, long time. So. . .here’s to more nights like this. To a life. . .just like this.” The man says, smiling at the wolves who bark in agreement.

Derek gets up to run back to his pack. On his way back to the cabins, he thinks about what he just saw. About the young man with the three wolves. What a peculiar man. Derek knows he’s supposed to be wary of humans, he needs to be suspicious and untrusting. No matter how intriguing and alluring that man in, he’s still new to the area and what they don’t know can and will kill them. He needs to discuss this with Erica, with the rest of the pack.


	3. It's Just Us

_**Flashback** _

I'm running for my life. Again. Through some godforsaken forest in the middle of North Carolina, running from a small herd of twenty or so walkers. I'm not sure when my life got to be a never ending marathon but I'm so fucking tired of this. Honestly. Figures that the moment I get out of Georgia I'm running again. I had maybe a solid day of rest and now. . .

I guess I'm complaining too much. What did I expect? That I could just waltz across the country without so much as a glimpse of zombies? No. I'm not that lucky. And here I am, jumping over fallen trees, tripping over barely visible rocks and being eaten alive by mosquitos. But the good thing, is that zombies are not as smart as I am, and they trip a lot more. So in actuality, it isn't too hard to loose them. It's just incredibly nerve-wracking. My heart is pumping so hard that I think it might explode, my legs ache and my lungs are begging for a break. But I still have a while to go before I've successfully put a few miles between me and the herd. 

By the time I manage to eek out three miles of distance, I slow my pace down to a leisure walk. The weather is relatively nice, it's just starting to hit summer so it's warm but not unbearable. Much better than Arizona, for sure. I'll have to find somewhere to hunker down soon, the sun is going to set in a few hours. After walking another three hours, I finally find the perfect little hideaway. It's a small building, a park office. It's still standing and completely deserted. The windows are shabby but still in tact and the door can still be locked. I still do a small walk through the building to make sure it's clear and when I see it is, I toss my things on the dirty floor and sit. It's been a long ass day.

“Hideout here for the night then tomorrow, start walking to Michigan.” I speak to myself, “Don’t know what I’m going to find there but I have to try. I have to keep moving.” 

Now that it’s safe for the time being, I can actually take the time to look around the few rooms in the building. There’s shit everywhere, leaves and piles of what’s left of the human race. There’s a rather large pile of leaves in the corner, behind the main desk. Like an animal built its nest and has been living here for sometime. Whatever it was, it’s long gone now. Probably already dead. It’s no big deal. Everything dies in the end. Wow, Stiles, super morbid. 

At this point in the evening, I haven’t eaten all day because the amount of food I have in my possession is running dangerously low and so is my patience. After rummaging through all of the emergency supplies that we locked in a closet, I managed to scavenge what was left of some MREs and leftover granola bars. Thank God for granola. There’s an entire box unopened of Nature’s Valley oats-n-honey bars. And even though I was never one to really enjoy granola, I’m fucking starving and this will keep me going for the next several days. There’s also a good sized medkit. Good thing too, cuz mine is practically empty. It’s got a completely untouched needle and a whole new spool of silk sutures. I will definitely need those at some point. 

So now I get to spend my night taking stock while I unashamedly scarf down a granola bar. Dumping the contents of my backpack out on the front desk and examining everything I have with me. A change of clothes, the old medkit, canteen half-full, a full water bottle, two cans of condensed soup, my rolled up sleeping bag and what little silverware I have. Not to mention the cds I’ve collected over the years. Hey, you never know what you could trade for a well taken care of cd. Then there’s the weapons. My dad’s old sig and two very dull knives. The large two strap duffel from my dad’s time in the marines has plenty of room for the food I’ve just found. I’m fucking beat. Who knew the apocalypse would be so draining. I triple check the locks on the doors around me and the windows before laying out my sleeping bag for the night. It’s been a long day and I’m more than ready to hit the sack. 

The silence is unnerving. Like the entire world is dead. Oh wait. . .

I don’t even laugh at that joke anymore, I’ve used it too many times. But there’s no one here to enjoy my humor with me. Ah well. Everyone else’s loss I guess. I’m funny. 

Eventually, I manage to slip into some form of sleep. 

. . .

A loud howl ripped through the air, waking me up from my dreamless sleep. It’s literally only been two hours. It’s silent again. Nothing but the wind in the trees, my heavy breathing and grasshoppers chirping in the distance. Then it happens again, an anguished howl rips through the forest sending shivers down my spine and now I’m fully awake. There’s rustling in the trees nearby. I can hear the telltale sounds of groaning in the distance. Something is outside and it’s headed my way. My heartbeat thunders in my chest so loud I can feel it in my eardrums. 

I can hear a vicious growl somewhere outside and I know that some poor animal is trying to fight off some walkers. It shouldn’t be so loud, it’s going to draw them closer. It’s a wolf, I can see it through the window now. It’s impressive size is somehow hunched over and defensive at the same time. Its hackles are raised making it look more fierce, more terrified. More dangerous. But it’s limping. The wolf’s immaculate gray fur is stained in red, hind leg dripping with crimson. A chunk of flesh has been bitten off in a gruesome conflict. The wolf had definitely run into trouble. It’s carrying something in its mouth, a little ball of something dark and wriggling. The wolf scratches at the door, trying to push it open. I watch from the window as the wolf sets the object on the doorstep and runs off into the woods again, despite its terrible injury. It returns with another object and sets it down. I can hear it yipping. The horrible realization dawns on me. . .they’re pups. Small pups. The mother, in a last ditch effort to hide her pups had left them one by one on the doorstep, struggling to keep them safe from the zombies that had no doubt forced her out of her den. 

But the mother darted off into the woods again. There must be one more pup. The little beans whine for their mother, crying and yipping for her. The sounds of their terrified little voices makes my heart hurt in the worst way possible. I strap on my boots and grab my bat. My knives slide easily into my boots and I’m ready to kill. When I unlock the door, the pups are squirming together, barely moving, they’re crying and so heartbreakingly vulnerable. Without even thinking, I pick them up and lay them both in the nest behind the desk. The first pup is larger than the other but still small enough that it can fit in my hands easily. The pup can’t be more than six pounds. The other pup is smaller but only just. Closing the door behind me, I head off into the direction of the mother. I hope her den isn’t too far from the building. I don’t want to get lost out here. I definitely don’t want to stumble on a herd. It’s dark as hell, the only light is moonlight and it’s barely managing to break through the trees. I followed the whimpering to a little den that’s nestled into a tree. The mother is inside, pulling the last pup out of the den. She freezes when she sees me, completely unsure of what to do. But the groaning is getting closer and a trig has just snapped behind me. I swing my bat without even thinking and it connects to a zombie’s head with a loud squelching noise as the nails I put through the bat stabbed into the walker’s brain, killing it dead. I can see a few more walkers in the distance, slowly making their way over to us. The wolf looks at me suspiciously and bares her sharp teeth at me, but with a pup in her mouth, it doesn’t look threatening. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I tell her, “Let’s get you and the pup to safety, then you can growl at me to your heart’s content.”

She gives me a calculating stare. I’m talking to a wolf. A wild animal. I don’t even know if she comprehends what I’m saying to her. This is definitely not normal interaction. She’s a fucking wild animal. She could rip my throat out at any moment. She could maul me to death for even trying to get near her pups. Not that I would blame her in the slightest. I must have a death wish. I can tell she wants to growl but she’s too tired and in too much pain from her injury. And then I become painfully aware of how in danger we are. The nearby zombies are coming closer, their harrowing presence is given away by the groaning and stench of rotten corpse. 

“We need to hurry,” I whisper to the wolf, entreating her with my soft voice to follow me. The mother wolf takes another moment but sets the pup down by her feet and takes a step back. Her footsteps are hesitant and unsure, her posture guarded and still so unsure. But why did she put her pup down? What is she doing? The large wolf noses at her pup, licking it gently, lovingly. She looks at me and growls lightly, nosing the pup gently in my direction. She wants me to. . .take it? What is she doing?

I reach out to the pup and gently take him into the palms of my hands. He’s even smaller than the two other pups and is definitely the runt. The wolf gives me a deep, contemplative look, her dark eyes bore into me and I feel like she’s assessing my character. Then she looks away, watching the zombies in the distance and before I can stop her, she’s broken into a light jog through the woods. 

“Wait! Where are you going?” I whisper shout to her, but she doesn’t turn back. She doesn’t stop running into the woods, away from me and away from her pups. The zombies begin to follow her as she runs by them and growls, attracting their attention to her and not to me. She’s leaving her pups with a complete stranger, a human stranger. . .she’s trusting me to take care of them. I’ve literally done nothing to show her I’m capable. I’ve never even had a fish, I’m not even sure I can keep three wolf pups alive. What if I kill them? What if they grow up and eat me? What do I feed them? How am I going to get across the country now? How am I supposed to cart them around?

They’re so young, they’ve barely begun to open their eyes. The little grey pup squirms in my hands, reminding me that I need to get back into our safe little den. So I hightail it back to the office and lock the door, doing my best to ignore the aching feeling in my heart. The pups are looking at me, their little eyes wide and sad. Their little voices cry out, whining and yipping for their mother. If I could understand them, I’m sure they would be calling for their mother, asking her why she’s left them, why she’s deserted them and given them to a stranger. It makes me miss my own mother and ache for her in a whole new way. The pups shy away from me and curl around themselves in their nest and I have absolutely no idea what to do. 

“Okay guys, I know you don’t know me and believe me. . .I don’t know you three at all. But uh. . .” I freeze, their big eyes make me want to squeeze them. They’re so cute and so sad, “I lost my mom when I was little too,” I whisper, “My dad died a few years ago too. So I know what it feels like to be alone. To be orphaned. But. . .I promise you three I’m going to do my best to keep you safe and happy.”

They whine at me quietly, listening to my words. At least, I think they are.

“And if you three want. . .we can even be pack one day? I mean- if we live that long.” I sigh, settling into my sleeping bag once again to try and catch a few more hours of rest. The pups look at me curiously, “It’s just us, guys. It’s always gonna be us, I promise.”


	4. Settling

**_Present. . ._ **

When Derek returns to their camp, everyone’s gathered by the fire, happily chatting about the new guy in the park and eating dinner. Derek shifts back to his human skin when he reaches his cabin and pulls on his clothes to go join the others. Erica greets him with a smirk and a plate of elk.

“You were gone for a while.” She smirks knowingly. 

“He is quite. . .peculiar.” Derek sighs, “I need everyone’s attention, please. As you may already know, there is a human who has just entered the park. He’s set up camp and it looks like he’s intending on staying for the rest of his life. He is unaware of our presence and at the moment I want to keep it that way.” He tells his pack mates.

“What is he like?” Isaac asks. 

“He’s. . .odd.” Derek says, not entirely sure how to describe the human, “He has three wolves with him. Fully grown, large and it looks like they’ve formed a bond. A pack.” There are snickers from some of the wolves in the crowd and whispers spread quickly.

“How can a human be a part of an actual wolf pack? That’s impossible, they’d rip him to shreds.” Boyd says skeptically.

“He raised them. From what I heard, he’s known them their entire lives.” Derek tells them.

“Are we letting him stay?” Jackson practically growls. Derek gives his beta a firm look, effectively silencing him.

“For now, we’re going to let him remain in the park. There will always be one of us assigned to watch him, however, I don’t want him coming within ten miles of here. And we’ll begin working on closing the East entrance. I do not want any more humans entering the territory.” Derek commands, “For now, we’re going to observe from afar and if he turns out to be acceptable, we’ll introduce ourselves. But we will do this exactly how I say. There will be no disobeying my orders.” 

“He’s just one human, Derek.” Erica says flippantly.

“He may be human, but there’s something about him that makes me cautious. And we all have to be cautious of him until we understand him better.” Derek says, “I don’t want any of the children going near him.”

The pack give him nods in understanding. His orders are important and they understand that they don’t want to risk their safety. Derek’s pack is fairly large with close to thirty members and growing as three of them are pregnant. Erica comes and makes herself comfortable next to her Alpha, giving him a smirk. The fire illuminates the picnic tables they’re seated at. The community is bustling at this time of night. Pack members are running around, laughing and living. Children are playing around the fire and there’s so much  _ life.  _ Derek isn’t sure how he’s supposed to jeopardize the community by letting this man in but he’s doing it. The doubt and fear of what is unknown claws at him. As werewolves, they’re impervious to the infection that decimated the human race, but they are afraid of the remnants of humanity still hiding and crawling back into existence.

“So who’s going to watch him tonight, oh mighty Alpha?” She asks.

“I will. I want you overseeing the work being done on the east entrance. I don’t want anything getting past your barricade this time, Erica. Tell Boyd I want him to relieve me around noon tomorrow.” He tells her, scarfing down his dinner.

“So did you see what I meant? That boy is-”

“Erica, I know you find him interesting, I do too but we need to be careful. Promise me you’ll follow my orders and keep away from interacting with him just yet.” Derek pleads with her. 

“I got it, Derek.” Erica says seriously, “What if he turns out to be a good guy?” 

“Then I guess we’ll figure it out when we get there.” Derek rolls his eyes.

“It’s going to snow soon, Derek it’s almost winter. Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t started snowing yet. He’s not going to survive on his own.” Erica worries.

“He has three wolves, Erica. I’m fairly certain the man can fend for himself.” The Alpha says firmly, “We’ll see how the next few weeks go. We’re just going to have to play all of this by ear.” 

“Okay, Derek. I just hope you know what you’re doing. I know you’re afraid of letting someone else into our sanctuary but he could be good for us. We could be good for him.” Erica says, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “We should be welcoming people into our home, saving as many as we can.”

“My first priority, Erica, is saving my pack. Everyone else is going to have to wait.” Derek’s eyes flash red, “I’m going to go back and watch him tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Be safe, Der.” She says sadly as her Alpha stalks away from her angrily.

Derek gives a small shake of his head. Why can’t she just see that he’s trying to keep everyone safe? Doesn’t she have any sense of self preservation? Once he finished his meal, he runs back to his cabin to stop and shift. If anyone told him he was sprinting back to see the new man in the park, well Derek would tell them to go to hell, even though he knows that he wanted to get back to him. The Alpha can’t deny that he’s anxious to be near the stranger again. When he got back to the small camper, Derek finds that the man has gone inside for the night as temperatures have dropped and there’s light coming from what he assumes to be the TV inside the camper. He can hear faint noises of a movie coming from inside. How absurd, Derek thinks, that this guy is watching a Disney movie when they’re hips deep in the damn apocalypse. He can tell that the three wolves are in the camper, he can see through the windows of the camper that two of them are laying on the window bed and the third is lying with the human.  _ Amazing,  _ Derek thinks,  _ they haven’t tried to eat him yet.  _

Derek could pick up the sounds of the Disney movie through the walls of the camper, he can hear the stranger rambling nonstop through the movie to the wolves.  _ How is this guy still talking?  _ He makes himself comfortable on the little mound of foliage, listening to this peculiar human, breathing in the remnants of his scent in the air.  The Alpha picks out the human’s heartbeat and listens intently. He doesn’t even notice when his heartbeat begins to lull him to sleep. 

. . .

“Wilk!” A loud shout startles Derek from his peaceful slumber, “Wilk, get your furry ass down here!” 

Derek observes the stranger standing in his little campsite, staring at the mountains in the distance. The stranger is fully dressed for the day, cargo pants, boots, thick thermal top and all. The Alpha suddenly wonders how he managed to sleep through the night so peacefully. For the first time in a long time, he actually feels well rested. He watches the stranger whistle for his wolves.

“Gray! You know better than to chase a freaking skunk! I swear if you get sprayed you’re sleeping outside until you don’t stink anymore!” He shouts. His third wolf sits patiently by his feet, “I swear, they know better. You’re the only smart one, Fenris.” 

Derek marvels over how easily he commands his wolves, like they were people he’s ordering around. The other male, Fenris, sits so calmly, the stranger’s fingers scratching behind his ear like second nature.  _ This guy is an odd one _ . The other two wolves come running in his direction, bouncing happily and excitedly around their friend, knocking him to the ground playfully.

“Ah, guys!” The stranger laughs while the wolves lick and nuzzle against him like large puppies, “Guys! Come on, stop!” When they finally back off, the stranger gets to his feet again and dusts himself off, “Alright you puppies, let’s get to work.”

Derek doesn’t know what the man is planning but watches as the four of them sit at a nearby picnic table with several maps as they plan their next move.

“Now, I think if we head over to the RV campsites, we could try and find another camper. Use it to stock with wood for the winter. We can scavenge a bit too, see if there’s anything worth taking. Batteries would be great. If we can stock up, maybe we’ll be able to run the heater when it gets really cold. Maybe we’ll even get lucky and find an electric blanket or a space heater we can just plug in. We should also raid the ranger’s station for drugs. Never know when they’ll come in handy.” He tells them. 

Derek watches the newcomer go about his morning. It’s fairly droll, watching the human build a fire and boil water to make rice. The human gave all of last night’s beaver to the wolves, only taking a small piece for himself. 

“You guys are going to have to hunt for your food. I’ll fish a little tonight but there’s never a guarantee with fishing. I should probably build a few snares to put around camp. Having some rabbit around would be good. Their pelts might actually come in handy.” The human ponders aloud, sipping on a canteen of water, “I bet I could find a sewing kit at the ranger’s station or the gift shop.”

One of the wolves, Gray, approaches the human and sniffs gently at the human’s ankle.

“It hurts like hell but I can’t sit back now that we’re here. It’s going to take a lot to keep us going and I’m the only one here with opposable thumbs.” The wolves all huff at their caretaker, “It’ll get better eventually, guys, don’t worry about me.”

Derek watches as the man finishes his breakfast and gets to work on setting a bag of tools and chains in the back of the truck. The two male wolves jump into the tailgate while the female jumps into the passenger seat of the truck and they’re off. The Alpha keeps up with the truck, listening to the classic rock playing through the speakers of the truck. It’s been a long time since he’s heard this song, he’s almost nostalgic.  _ Carry On My Wayward Son  _ by Kansas floats softly through the air and Derek is definitely nostalgic now. 

He follows the human as he lets his wolves lose to hunt the area while he finds a camper that’s not completely ruined. It’s somewhat slim pickings for the human but after driving through the campsite a few times, he finds a medium sized toy hauler that’s still standing and in fairly good condition. He limps from the truck to the trailer to clear it of all non-essential items. The Alpha watches him toss out clothes and bags before hitching it to the truck on his own.  _ The human is hard working, I’ll give him that.  _ Derek thinks to himself. 

Stiles feels like dying. He really does, his ankle and his side are reminding him as painfully as they can that he’s injured. He didn’t find any pain meds in the trailer and now he’s grumpy.  _ And the day started off so optimistically too. . . _ He thinks dejectedly. He’s got the trailer hitched and now he’s starting his drive back to HQ. He can see the wolves running in the distance, hopefully chasing after dinner. Stiles has his work cut out for him today, yes he’s well rested but he knows that the next few days of settling in the park are going to determine if the rest of their lives are a cakewalk or not. Stiles wants to prep them for the impending winter. It didn’t snow last night but it got damn cold. They’re far from prepped and they need to get there before it snows. 

The second day in the park is just as beautiful as the first day. It’s sunny and chilly. Less windy today but the sounds of nature seem to be louder. He works on his own getting the second trailer set up right next to the first. The toy hauler is easy enough to set up. Once it’s hunkered down, Stiles moves to the next task: fish for lunch while building as many snares as possible. So he gathers a few thick branches, his bowie knife and the wire he’s used in the past to build a snare and takes his fishing gear to the edge of the lake. A hanging snare is simple enough to build, the only real trouble is cutting the branches into stakes. So much like his first day on the lake, he plops down on his camping chair after casting his line and begins to build the snare. 

Derek watches the resourceful human building his little trap. After close to three hours of surveillance, he catches Boyd’s scent in the air. It’s time for the shift change. Derek is extremely hesitant to leave the human. Boyd gives a small chortle, laughing at his Alpha’s obvious reluctance at leaving the human. Derek growls lowly at him in warning before turning on his heels and running towards his community. He'll head back later in the evening for his next shift. Until then, he has to check the East entrance and be briefed on the patrol units he has running through the park. He definitely has his job cut out for him as he can't seem to focus on anything but thinking about that human. 


	5. Dear John,

If you can picture it, dad, picture a sunny day. The lake is brushing against the shore in quiet little sloshes with ice and slush. The water kisses the rocks in noisy little pecks and I can make out blocks of ice in the lake, far in the distance. Everything is starting to freeze. If it weren’t windy, the water would be completely still. The trees whistle to me and if I listen closely I can almost hear what they’re trying to tell me. They hold so many secrets. I wish  I could unravel them all. I’ve never seen the wolves so happy, dad. They’re out all day, running and hunting. They’re free from me, fully content in our solitude that I am safe on my own. They’re always back by sundown, of course, they still refuse to sleep anywhere but in the camper with me. I take comfort in that. Knowing that they have all this open space, that they don’t have to remain by my side anymore but they do. They remain loyal to me. As I remain loyal to them.

Oh dad. . .I don’t know how you did it. How you could leave me. Sometimes I’m so bitter over it that I want to thrash anything around me and destroy everything. But I know that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t choose to leave me. . .well, let’s be real here. You chose the brighter side of two shitty options. Chose the shiniest turd. I get that. And I know that I’m mostly grateful for that. If you hadn’t chosen the option you did, we would both be dead. Then where would the rest of the world have been? 

I’m bitter, yes. But please understand, pops, that I’m bitter because I miss you so much it feels as though the black hole in my chest is going to suck my entire being into it and I’ll be nothing. I’ll lose everything and sink into the darkness in my mind. The wolves are the only thing that keeps me from slipping away. Years ago when I saved them, I was so tired. I was ready to give up and I think you knew that. You must have, because you put them in my way and gave me a purpose again. Their mother made the same choice you did. Maybe that’s why you put them on my path, because you knew that a parent’s love for their children would give me a reason to live again. One parent dies and another takes over. 

Anyways, dad. This place is amazing. It’s winter now, in the past month that I’ve been here in the park, it’s gotten colder. The lake is starting to freeze and I know I don’t have too long before everything else freezes. Snow has already started falling at night, it doesn’t stick yet but soon it will. Very soon. The entire park is so densely populated with different animals. The wolves have had little issues with hunting. They’re never hungry and they always bring plenty back for me so I don’t go hungry either. They’ve brought me so many different dead furry animals it’s insane. I barely have time to do anything else besides skin them and begin tanning all the hides. It’s hard and time consuming but I know that without these pelts, I’ll probably freeze this winter and die. I’ve worked through the nights to build smoking hangars for the pelts to smoke and dry in and maintained the fires through those nights. The wolves have been on overdrive, scavenging anything and everything I need. Even though the work is never ending, they’ve never been happier to scavenge and hunt. They’ve brought me a shit ton of awesome stuff. They raided a campsite on the other end of the lake and brought back a tapestry throw blanket which I was thrilled about because now I can pull it apart and use the strings for thread once all the pelts are done. I managed to find a sewing kit in one of the old decrepit campers but it only had half a spool of blue thread left. Dad, I never knew I could be that happy about a damn blanket. 

But they’ve killed so many rabbits for me, dad. There’s been so much killing. . .but damn are those pelts soft. My snares have even caught a few, these suckers are everywhere. Two weeks ago, the pups brought me a bobcat they killed. Poor Gray was injured in that conflict, she was scratched up and limped a little but she was otherwise not too hurt. I had her stay with me the next day. I was definitely not happy about it. But the bobcat’s pelt would make an awesome hood. In a few days it’ll be ready to sew together. But the rabbits furs are done and I’ve been sewing them together in between smoking the other hides. They’ve brought me a medium sized elk and two foxes that I know they were having a turf war with. Wolves don’t like foxes and nothing made that more clear than when they smugly laid the two dead foxes by my feet. Dad, they’ve been going a little overboard and I have a sneaking suspicion that they’ve been bringing me all these animals because they’re afraid I’ll freeze to death this winter. I haven’t been running the heater at night because it uses the battery up quickly and I need the battery’s power to keep the fridge and freezer going. So the rest of the night I’m shivering. They’ve taken to sleeping in a puppy pile with me at night to keep me warm and I know they hate how cramped it is. So the rabbit pelts I sewed together have been added to my bed and I’m interested to see how they work out. They’re the softest damn pelts I’ve ever felt. When the bobcat pelt finished tanning, I sewed the pelt and an old shirt that the wolves found in one of the old campers together to make an awesome hood. The soft red and orange fur looks pretty damn cool. And I know that once I sew the fox pelts onto my winter coat, I’ll be pretty toasty. I’m going to line the neckline with the first one and sew the second one to the outside of the coat around my shoulders. When it snows, it’ll help to keep the ice and cold out. 

Not to mention, now I have all this meat I have to do something with. I’ve been smoking it, cooking it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, not to mention the wolves have been eating constantly. No one has gone hungry. For that, I’m grateful. We’ve all slowly started to gain weight, I’ve filled out more. We’ve never had the luxury of eating this well. I haven’t even needed to go fishing. We’ve been eating so much meat. . .I think I would kill for a salad. I know I have a bunch of non-perishables I scavenged and brought to the park but I haven’t gotten into them. They’re for when shit hits the fan. 

I can’t help but think sometimes that we should have come here first. If we had never gone through Arizona you would probably still be here with me. But we were still figuring out where to go next and it wasn’t your fault that you wanted to try and find some old friends. Of all the near death experiences that I’ve had, Arizona was the worst. Because I knew there was no chance of you getting out of there. That’s okay, really. I knew if roles were reversed, I would have done the same. But sometimes I wonder. . .if we had headed North rather than East. . . would you still be here? But I can’t think like that, dad. I can’t think of all the different scenarios. I can’t think of the ‘what ifs’. Cuz it’s almost like. . .well it’s almost like dying with you. 

I know that the pups are happy here and from all the work I’ve been putting into this place, I know I’m going to be happy here. I know that I could thrive here. If I don’t have a heart attack from all the red meat I’ve been eating. That’s a worry for another day, I guess. My beard was growing in again and I couldn’t stand it so I shaved. Even though I know it would have helped keep me warm. Just like you, I hate facial hair on myself. I can’t deal with it if I don’t have to. My hair’s gotten a little longer too but I’m not going to cut it. I’ll let it get longer still. It’s at chin length now and I know you would have made jokes about it. I would have rolled my eyes and just put it up into the manliest man bun in front of you and smirked like the smart ass I am. 

Fuck, dad. I know you would have loved this place. Especially now that it’s snowing. It’s like something out of a fucking hallmark card. I found a bunch of greeting cards in the giftshop, scattered across the floor like a memorial and I grabbed them anyways. I write to you. And mom. When I have the time or when I feel like I have something important to tell you. Then I throw it in the fire after reading it out loud to the pups and watch it burn. The ashes float in the air and I watch them climb higher and higher until they fade and I pretend like they reached heaven. I pretend like you read them all. It’s silly, I know. But I miss you two so much sometimes. . .I know the pups like hearing what I write because they’ve always been there for when I read them and they howl when I burn the letter, as if giving me some sort of wolfy applause. 

This place is truly amazing. After having my guard up for the past several years, running from one trouble to another, I got so good at looking over my shoulder. I got even better at spotting the little things. The minute details that kept me alive. I got good at spotting danger before it even presented itself. And those skills haven’t gone away. Dad, someone’s in the park. There’s someone inside with me and they’ve been watching me. I can feel their eyes on me like a reaper’s dark presence looming over me and it makes me angry and scared and. . .afraid. Afraid that not only have I just entered someone’s home, I’ve walked my pack, my family into the belly of the beast and I’ll die before I let them hurt my pack. It fills me with some sort of righteous fury that they continue to watch me instead of approaching me. What do they want, dad? Who are they? I noticed them after only a few days of being inside the park. Their first mistake was sitting in the same place day after day and following me around while I work to survive. They continue to watch me, as if I’m some sort of spectacle.

And I’ve been smart, dad, I promise. I’ve used everything I’ve learned to stay ahead of this unseen danger. I am your son after all and after all the shit I’ve gone through, I know better than to let my guard down. I have been careful to not give away the fact that I know that they’re watching me. So far, they haven’t made a move and I’m not sure what their intentions are and until I figure it out, I’m going to keep playing it cool. The last thing I want to do is spook them. I have no idea what kind of equipment or weapons they have and I don’t want to find out. I haven’t even told my pups about it because they’re always fucking watching. There is never a moment of solitude. Something tells me that they already know, however, because they’ve taken to watching over me again in shifts through the night. When one of them is awake standing guard, they stare out the window, gazing sharply at the outside world searching for something. But there’s never anything to be seen, whoever is watching me is damn stealthy. When I’m alone during the day, they’re confident I will be okay because I’ve started carrying my weapons more. My knives are strapped to my body and my gun sits within an arm’s reach. I made sure to tell the wolves that I was preparing for mountain lions or coyotes. Just to let whoever is watching know that I’m armed and ready to fight anything and  _ anyone  _ who comes at me and my pack.

Dad, I’m not sure if you’re watching over me but I want you to know that I’m protecting myself and my pack. I’m keeping us alive and I will do so by any means necessary. Whoever is watching is going to catch hell.  


	6. Whiteout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me

**_Derek POV_ **

 

It’s snowing again. Heavily. I’ve grown to love the snow over the past several years of living in this park. White blankets the meadows and mountains, freezing anything and everything in it’s path with such ease. We’re elbows deep in winter and even though we’re all well equipped for winter, there are still fears that things can and will go wrong. We’ve been working overtime on maintaining the greenhouses. Mira, one of the werewolves in my pack manages them alongside a small team of wolves. Her two children help her as well. She’s the only one in the entire pack with a thumb green enough to care for the two greenhouses that help feed the entire pack. With the East entrance sealed, we’re locked in the park and winter is upon us. 

We’ve had years of experience with winter in this park, though, and I know we’ll handle it just as well as any other winter. Everyone in the pack has a job and a list of things they have to do to keep this place going. It’s a team effort, really. Erica has been running around like a busy bee trying to get all her ducks in a row and setting the tone for the week. There’s a storm blowing in later tonight and it’s going to be fairly brutal. She’s busy distributing wood and supplies for the storm that will no doubt lock us all in our cabins tonight until it passes. Boyd is informing the community of the storm and instructing the patrols of the danger and when to be back for strict lockdown. I have the task of watching Stiles today until it’s time to come back and hunker down for the storm. When I return I will make a round about the community and make sure there are no stragglers before retreating to my cabin until the storm passes. 

“Der, be safe out there, alright? The temperature is dropping fast and I don’t want you over there for too long.” Erica says worriedly. She’s wrapped in a thick parka and warm accessories, braving the cold.

“I’ll be okay, just make sure everyone here is all set for the night.” I tell her calmly. She doesn’t want me to stand watch today, she wants everyone here tonight and believes that after nearly two months of watching the human, their community will be safe for a night. 

But I can’t go through the storm without knowing that Stiles will make it through the night. Scott is waiting for me to relieve him from his watch duty. I don’t want to leave Stiles unsupervised for the night but I know that even I would freeze out there exposed to the elements. I just have to hope that he’ll be alright until the storm passes, then I will run to see if he’s made it through or not. Erica rolls her eyes at me as if she knows exactly what’s going on in my head. I ignore her and head out into the woods in my wolf form, sprinting to get to the human as fast as I could on four legs. Scott is lying in a bed of snow, concealed from the human’s sight. When the rusty brown wolf sees me, he jumps to his feet and acknowledges me with a small head bow and sprints off back to camp, back to check on his mate. Isaac had been on patrol earlier and now I wonder who will make it back to camp first, Isaac or Scott? 

Stiles is covered in his thick hunting clothes. The black snow pants he has on are tight around his legs as he’s layered up. He gets cold much too easily. The warm snow jacket has new pelts sewn to it, red fur. . .must be a fox. And his new hood is definitely a bobcat pelt. This human is resourceful to say the least. We watched him work tirelessly for the past two months, sometimes through the night to prepare the animal hides and furs into much needed items. I’ve never met someone so intelligent, resourceful and just. . .strong. He’s a survivor for sure. No one in the pack even knows how to tan a hide let alone turn animal furs into clothing or blankets. I watched him and his wolves bring in a massive haul of rabbits and was furious. I was angry to see this one human killing more than he needed. But then I witnessed his precision and care in skinning the little things and tossing each one to his wolves for them to eat and then using many of them for his own food sources. The human smoked much of the meat for storage and froze another portion of it. He ate well, also. He’s been looking much healthier and seeing his use of every bit of what he’s killed calmed me. He wasn’t wasting anything. What was even more interesting was watching the long and laborious process of treating the furs. The way he worked with such meticulous detailing. . .he’s done this before. It piques my interest, certainly. I want to know how he learned to do all this. I want to hear all his fabulous stories that I’ve only heard snippets of when he writes his nightly letters to his father. My heart aches for him when he reads them aloud. I lost my family too. . .and I know exactly how he feels. It has often made me think about revealing myself to the unsuspecting human. But I am still so unsure of letting him in on our secrets. He could be a very useful addition to the pack but I am still wary of him. I have no idea how he will react to werewolves. But there’s also fear, I know. The fear that I work to bury deep down. The fear that if I reveal the community, he will fear us and leave the park. I’ve grown quite fond of watching him and listening to him and the last thing I want is for him to re enter the dangerous outside world. In the park, it’s safe, he’s safe. But out there he’s in constant danger. I can’t watch him out there. I can’t protect him out there. 

Stiles, such an odd name but perfect for such an odd human. After learning his name it’s made things much more personal. I sat and watched him sew rabbit furs together to make a large blanket. One that I know is extremely soft and warm. It made me happier to know that he’s been working to take care of himself. He’s been working to scavenge more and more batteries so he’s well stocked and won’t run out. He’s busy prepping for the storm tonight and his wolves are running around helping. They’re locking down the second trailer and bringing their human fully charged batteries to store inside the trailer. Tonight he will need to run the heater in order to keep the trailer from freezing and himself from dying. He’s locked down his campsite and brought the finished elk hide inside his camper. He’s no doubt using it to lay on, he needs all the insulation he can get. Knowing that he’s made all these additions to his home makes me a little more confident in the human’s ability to survive. Not to mention, he has his wolves to keep him warm. They’ll be alright. 

“Alright, I want the three of you to stick close on your hunt. Get your fill and then come back ASAP. I don’t want you out when the storm hits,” Stiles tells his wolves, “Don’t bring anything back for me, I have my dinner thawing inside. Just hurry, alright? It’s almost here.”

The wolves sprint off into the woods to catch their dinner and do as their human asks. They leave Stiles to finish the preparations and the human works as fast as he can to get the camper ready. He has replaced the battery with a full charged one and set the half-empty one back on the solar charger. He triple checks everything. Stiles does that often. He checks everything and always in threes. I think he’s got OCD. It makes sense. Not only is he constantly moving and active, he’s also paranoid and can be very anxious at times. It makes sense that he be a little OCD. But after years of fighting for his life it makes sense that old habits die hard. I wish he weren’t so paranoid. I wish he weren’t so nervous all the time. I wish I could tell him about us. I want him to know us, know that he’s not alone, that he doesn’t have to be alone. But I can’t. Come on, Derek, you have no room for a human in your pack. No, throw away all thoughts about welcoming the human. He doesn’t belong.

Only two hours later do the wolves return, licking their chops. They look happily sated and full. The temperature has dropped rapidly in the last two hours and the storm is just reaching us, it’s snowing heavily now, almost blindingly so. And now I know it’s time to return to the community. Stiles ushers his wolves into the cabin and locks the door behind him and closes the blinds. He’s also covered the windows with what he could spare to try and keep in the heat. It’s time to go. Walking away from Stiles makes me whine pitifully. I fear for this man. But I have responsibilities. So I turn tail and run as fast as I can back to the community. It takes another two hours of running and checking around our home to make sure no one is out in the storm that is quickly blinding me. It’s getting harder to see with each passing second and even my fur isn’t thick enough to keep me warm. So I sprint back into my cabin and when I slam the door closed and shift back, harsh shivers are wracking my body. But Erica is there with Boyd, ready with a thick blanket and wraps it around me.

“Alpha,” Mira is here. And she’s crying.

“What’s happened?” I growl out, already feeling the protective instincts taking over.

“It’s my pups, A-Alpha,” She whimpers, “They didn’t come back from their run, I thought they would be in the cabin so I didn’t worry until I left the greenhouse not too long ago. They’re nowhere to be found, Alpha.”

“We think they left before we notified them of the storm,” Erica says gravely.

“We couldn’t follow their scents, the snow is too thick.” Boyd reports.

“Please, Alpha,” Mira cries, snotty and desperate, “They’re just children, in a storm this bad, they’ll be dead long before morning.”

“You’re sure they’re not in any of the cabins?” I growl out.

“No Alpha, we looked and checked with everyone.” Boyd says with a worried look.

“The storm is progressing too fast,” I sigh, “I could barely see two inches in front of my nose. It’s a complete white out. I’m sorry Mira but we’re just going to have to wait until the storm calms before sending out more wolves to find the children.”

It breaks my heart to see Mira so hurt and hopeless. She cries into Erica’s shoulder but can only nod at her Alpha’s words. Mira is a good person, she’s also exceptionally smart and she knows that going out in the storm right now will only get more people killed. 

“Jackson and Liam are smart boys, they know that they would need to take shelter and they couldn’t have gone far. With any luck, they’ll have found somewhere to wait out the storm,” I tell Mira, “I’m sorry, all we can do right now is wait and find them once the storm passes.”

Mira gives a weak nod and sits by the fireplace, wiping her eyes tiredly. As Alpha, losing two pup in a complete white out makes my hackles rise and my instincts entreat me to go out and find them. But it wouldn’t do any good to leave an entire pack without an Alpha. We’re just going to have to wait and pray to whatever God is watching that those two pups are somewhere safe. 

. . .

_**Stiles POV** _

It’s a complete white out. The storm is intense and it wracks the trailer something fierce but the little camper is holding up. The heater is going at full force and it hasn’t failed me yet. It’s warm inside the camper but not so warm as to be perfectly comfortable and once I make dinner, it’ll be even warmer. The wolves are laying on their bed, curled together comfortably. The howling wind outside is freaking me out so to distract us, I have another Disney movie going.  _ Sleeping Beauty, _ this time. The Elk fur I have under me right now is soft to the touch. It took a long time to get this bad boy to the right softness I wanted but I got it done in time for the storm and the rabbit blanket is incredibly warm. Probably the best thing I’ve ever made despite the time and labor it took. Totally worth it.

“Alright, pups,” I sigh, “I think we’re gonna make it through the night.” I say cheerfully. 

My luck hasn’t run out and I’m thanking my lucky stars. The two batteries I have hooked up will keep us going for a while and I’m grateful. It’s a relatively calm evening besides the raging snowstorm outside. It’s cold as shit outside and I’m glad I’m not out there. I’d probably be dead in minutes. Halfway through the movie I hear scratching on my door. The wolves perk up and toss a growl at the door and I’m reaching for my knives. 

“The hell is that?” I ask myself. What if it’s whoever’s been watching me? It’s a hell of a time to reveal themselves, though, during a snowstorm, “Don’t move.” I tell the wolves.

With my hunting knife in my hand, gripped tight, I head towards the door. The scratching gets more and more insistent and my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears. The wind is powerful and I have to hold onto the door or else it will fly open and let a bunch of snow in. I’m already not too thrilled about opening the door and letting the cold in but the scratching at the door is setting my teeth on edge. I open the door just an inch and a little black nose shoves itself in the doorway. What the hell? I look outside and there’s a small sandy brown pup nosing at my door with a. . .holy shit! 

“Oh my God,” I gasp. Before even thinking about my actions, I step outside into the freezing cold and grab the pup and its companion. There are two freezing cold pups in my arms right now and I’m about to freeze my ass off if I don’t get inside quick. I have to fight against the wind to get the door closed and the temperature inside the camper has dropped substantially but Wilk helped me pull the door shut and everything goes still again. The little sandy brown pup whine and cries loudly, whimpering and quaking violently. The second pup is unconscious and barely breathing but still alive. They’re both cold and afraid. The three wolves begin growling threateningly at the two pups in my arms. They’re crouched and ready to pounce.

“Stop it,” I growl at them, “They’re just a couple pups. They must have heard us in here and sought shelter.”

The pup that is still awake is fighting to stay that way and he’s nuzzling against me, whimpering louder and louder. My heart squeezes painfully and I jump into action, working to dry their wet fur and get them warm. I wrap them snuggly in the rabbit fur blanket and scratch behind their ears. My wolves watch me carefully as I murmur calming words to the pup struggling to stay conscious. 

“It’s okay, pup. You’re both okay, you’re gonna be okay. Just focus on getting warm,” I tell the little one, “You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to either of you.”

That seemed to calm the pup and he promptly passes out. 

“Gray. . .” I call to her, “You think you could work some of your she-wolf magic and keep them warm?”

The wolves look at me like I’ve just taken their favorite chew toy.

“Guys, I know something’s up with this situation,” I sigh, “But they’re just pups. They need our help so please. . .please just go with me on this.”

Gray looks at me calculatingly and hesitates another moment before getting up from their bed and walking over slowly to curl around the pups on my bed. Wilk gives me a look that I know means ‘ _ They could be dangerous, nothing like this is normal.’  _

“I know. . .what I really want to know is. . .why are there two pups, this young even alive? Mating season isn’t till late winter and they have to be at least twelve weeks old. It doesn’t make sense. Not to mention, even if they were born outside of the mating season, they should be in a den with their parents. There’s no way in hell a mother would let her pups out in this weather. No, they would be locked inside their den with their mother.” I say thoughtfully, “Something about this doesn’t feel right at all. Until the storm passes, we’re just going to have to play it safe. 

The wolves all give me nods and return to laying down and watching over the pups. Things are tense now, too tense to sleep calmly. So I fire up the propane stove and begin pan frying a cut of rabbit for my dinner. I haven’t eaten in a while and I’m starving. When I finish eating and grow too tired to worry about the two mysterious pups in my care, I let Gray resume her puppy pile with her brothers and take her place by the pups. They’re much warmer and I thank God that they’re going to be alright. When they wake up I’ll figure out what to do about them. But now I’m much too tired to concentrate and despite fighting as best I could, I pass out. Yup, I can already see shit hitting the fan.

. . .

A loud growl wakes me up and a sharp cry brings me into full wakefulness and in an act of pure instinct, I pull my knife from my pillowcase and growl. Then I see what’s going on. My wolves are standing at attention, hackles raised and teeth bared. Because there are two young boys cowering into my side. What the hell?

“Guys, stand down,” I say, suddenly feeling my anxiety spike as the two boys cower away from my knife and clutch at each other. Tears are in their eyes and they look terrified. Why are they naked? What the actual fuck is going on?

“Who are you?” I ask roughly.

“W-we’re sorry, sir-” The younger one stutters, “W-we didn’t m-mean to-”

I see their terror and can practically smell their fear. These two boys are completely vulnerable, surrounded by three very scary looking fully grown wolves and a man with a knife. They’re scared shitless and I’m not helping. They’re completely at my mercy and I’m scaring them. So I lower the knife and take a breath, calming my heart. I hold a hand up to silence the boy’s cries and excuses.

“Alright. . .” I sigh, “Let’s just all calm down here. Just tell me your names and how you got in here.”

“M-my name’s Liam, sir,” The littlest says, clinging to the bigger one, “This is my b-brother, Jackson.”

“You let us in last night, sir.” Jackson says. Wait. . .what? I let them in? I’m pretty sure I did no such thing. I would remember if I let two boys into my camper in the middle of a snowstorm. I couldn’t have because I let two pu- wait. . .

“I’ve finally done it. . .” I say, eyes wide. I get up off the bed and walk towards the other end of the camper, “I’ve finally lost it. . .I’ve gone crazy. I knew it was only a matter of time before I snapped but I thought-well shit. I’ve finally snapped. I must be crazy because there is no way in hell that I let two wolf pups into my home who just happen to be able to turn into humans ain’t no way in he-”

“We’re not wolves, sir.” Jackson says slowly, gaging my reaction.

“No, of course you aren’t. You’re both figments of my imagination. This is all happening in my head-” Gray shoves her wet nose under my chin and yips at my distress.

“W-we’re werewolves, sir.” Liam squeaks.

“Stop calling me sir. Just call me Stiles,” I say gruffly, “Wait. . .did you say werewolves?” I laughed at the absurdity. But then again. . .there are zombies in this world, why shouldn’t there by werewolves too? “I’m living in a damn fairytale.” 

“W-we were stuck in the storm, too far from our pack and J-jackson fell asleep. I didn’t know what to do or where w-we were. Then I found you and I knew I w-wasn’t supposed to, but I had to help J-jackson.” Liam whimpered, tears streaming down his face.

“Guys, I’m sorry but. . .werewolves? Really? Pardon me if I’m having a little trouble believing you,” I laughed. 

“Liam, we’re not supposed to reveal ourselves. Derek’s gonna be mad. Momma’s gonna be angry too,” Jackson says to his little brother.

“Jacks, he saved us. He kept us warm and promised safety. He’s been telling the truth and. . .he smells good, Jacks,” Liam pleads, “He thinks he’s crazy!”

“I’m telling momma is was your fault,” Jackson sighs but lets his brother do what he wants. Then pale skin gives way to the same sandy brown fur I saw just a few hours earlier. And there’s no longer a little boy but a small pup sitting on my bed, nestled against Jackson’s side. It takes me a moment to comprehend what I just saw and after a few moments, Liam shifts back into a boy again. My jaw drops and I’m struck silent. That doesn’t happen too often. The entire trailer is silent. The only thing that can be heard is the storm still going on outside. Wilk and Fenris look just as confused as I am, their ears settle against their heads and their eyes are just as wide as mine. Gray looks equally as befuddled. 

“You guys don’t do that, do you?” I asked my wolves in a tiny voice. Much to my relief, they shoke their heads meaning no. I can hear Liam giggle lightly at my question and the tension in the camper eases slightly. It takes me a few more minutes to pull myself together. Now I can either accept that I’ve gone crazy and pretend like this never happened or I can accept what I’ve just seen and move on. So there are real actual werewolves. . .so what? They’re just little boys.

“You two hungry?” I ask weakly. The boys look at each other, unsure for a moment but give a small nod and huddle together again.

“Thank you, Stiles.” Liam whispers to me. His bright blue eyes startle me for a moment and I’m made painfully aware that they’re the first humans-people that I’ve talked to in almost half a year. 

“Why don’t you two pick something from the closet to wear while I get some breakfast made. Then we’ll. . .talk? I guess. I don’t know. We could watch some movies?” I say questioningly, “We’re gonna have to wait till the storm is passed before I take you guys home.”

“We weren’t supposed to tell you about us,” Jackson says nervously, “You can’t take us home, our Alpha will be angry.”

“Do you even know which way to go to get back to your camp?” I question them, they answer by sadly shaking their heads, “I’ll help you find your way back then I’ll leave you guys in peace.”

“You’re human,” Liam says shyly, “We’ve never met a human before.”

“Never met a-” Stiles’ brain falters for a moment, “How old are you two?”

“Seven.” Jackson states confidently.

“Six,” Liam says with a small smile, “We’re the youngest of the pack. Well, until Marley, Shelly and Terra have their babies. Then we’ll have more friends.”

“You both were barely old enough to remember the outbreak. No wonder you’ve never seen a human,” Stiles sighs, “Are there. . .a lot of werewolves in the park?”

“Yeah, our pack,” Liam says happily, “There’s a bunch of us.”

“I’m the only human in the park,” It’s harrowing, really, to know that I’m the weakest in the entire pack. The three wolves by my side wouldn’t be enough protection.

“Yeah, Alpha Derek didn’t want us going near you,” Jackson says, “We’ve been watching you since you got here.”

Ice shoots itself through my veins and I’m suddenly afraid. What do I do now? Do I leave? Do I stay and ask to remain in someone else’s sanctuary. I’ve struggled for so long and the thought having to leave this place makes me so fucking sad. But I’m so pitifully outnumbered. I wonder why their Alpha hasn’t killed me yet. Or my wolves. Why hasn’t he made a move against me? Every community I’ve come across has attacked me. Some even tried to eat me. I can’t go through all that shit again. Where would I even go? I could leave the park, go to the Teton national park. Resettle somewhere safe. But will it be safe? I thought this place was safe but obviously it’s not. Obviously I’m not safe here. I don’t even know how I would be able to get out of this place. The truck could make it but my camper? No chance in hell I could get it out of the snow. I would have to abandon my home. Could I do that? The three wolves look at me as if they know exactly what is going through my head. I can’t drag them somewhere else. They’ve been through so much with me, I’ve dragged them across the country already. What more could I do? 

I could start over. I could find the lodge in the other park and settle in an actual building. One with insulation and that’s more well equipped to handle the snow. Could probably scavenge more stuff. 

“Stiles!” Liam shouts, getting my attention again.

“Yeah?” I ask breathlessly.

“You smell funny. . .” He says, unsure of my sudden silence. 

“Listen guys. . .I’m gonna put a movie in for you two to watch alright? Here’s some breakfast, eat up.” I say, placing the fried rabbit on plates for the pups to eat.

“Are you. . .scared of us?” Liam asks timidly.

“No, pup,” I sigh, “I think. . .I think I’ve overstayed my welcome and I think- I think it’s time for me to get the hell out of dodge.”

“But-but you can’t!” Liam says, tears welling up in his eyes, “‘M sorry, Stiles, we won’t bother you again. You don’t need to leave! We won’t tell anyone you helped us, we promise.”

“It’s alright, Liam.” I sighed sadly, “This isn’t my home and even though I’ve loved being here. . .your Alpha isn’t happy I’m here.”

“You don’t know that-” Jackson pointed out weakly.

“He’s been watching me every day since I’ve arrived here, boys. And instead of coming to me and trying to talk to me, maybe make friends, he isolated me,” I sighed, “I get it, really. He wants to keep you all safe. I would do anything to keep my family safe too. I can’t be mad at him. He was here first and I can’t lay claim to something that isn’t mine nor has it ever been mine.”

“Derek is really nice, he’ll let you stay.” Liam whimpers.

“That’s sweet kid, but. . .adults are different. Especially when it comes to family and pack. I know how that is. I’m going to keep my pack safe. Especially from an unknown Alpha.” I tell them with a sad smile. The boys have dressed themselves in my spare thermal tops. The shirts reach their knees easily and Liam is practically drowning in the material, but he’ll be warm. That’s all that matters. Jackson looks a little strained, the oldest boy knows that he’s going to be in trouble by giving so much information but he also doesn’t want me to leave. But I’ve only just met these boys. They should be much more wary of me. But they don’t know the dangers of this world. They don’t know that strangers, especially humans, can do so much damage. And they’re lucky that they stumbled on me and not some psycho. So I hushed them and put on a movie for them while I went outside and fought against the snow and the wind to pack the truck. I instructed the wolves to remain with the pups while I packed. I only have another hour at most before the storm passes completely. It’s been quieting down steadily but it’s still windy as hell and cold as shit. I packed all my clothes and jerry cans with gas I’ve scavenged from cars in the park and filled my bottles with water. I’m surrounded by snow, it won’t be hard to clean it and filter it. I pulled out a few pots and pans and stash them in the truck as well as all the supplies I’ve brought with me. All the tools, all the spare blankets and my personal items. The truck is packed high with crap but I don’t care. It beats moving on foot. The generator and a few batteries go in the back of the truck last and I’m all set. I’m only taking what I can carry and that ain’t much. Not like I had much to begin with. My hood is keeping me nice and warm and the furs I’ve accumulated are tucked away safe and dry for later. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving behind the elk fur. But the rabbit. . .When the storm passes, I know it’s go time. The Alpha will have everyone out searching for the pups and I don’t wanna be caught in the mix. 

“Alright everyone in the truck,” I sigh, “Boys, I wanna take you home now.”

They nod sadly and move to leave the camper, “Wait,” I stop them and grab my beautiful rabbit pelt blanket. The boys stare at me wide eyed as I wrap it around them and lift them into my arms to carry them to the truck. They sit beside me in the front seat and watch me pray to God that the truck starts. I had plugged it into a spare battery to keep the engine warm and all that shit I worked out, payed off. The truck started and the chains plowed through the snow. The pups directed me to their community and I was able to find it shortly. I stopped behind a cabin, there’s no one in sight so I hope I’m not gonna be ambushed. I look to the two boys who are teary eyed and hiccuping. Well, Liam is. Jackson still looks conflicted.

“Alright, boys. Now I want you both to stop running off into a snowstorm. It’s not safe. No matter what, always listen to your mother and just. . .be safe, alright? Now go, take the blanket with you,” I tell them, “Watch over your brother, Jackson. Family is all that matters, you got that?”

The eldest nods at me, taking Isaac into his side and getting out of the car.

“You d-don’t need to leave, Sti-” Liam cries.

“Maybe I’ll see you again one day, Liam. Be good, pup.” I tell him sadly. The little boy is making my heart hurt and before I can change my mind and stay, I close the door and put the truck in reverse. Wilk watches the boys from the bed of the truck as we drive away and Gray whimpers at me pitifully. 

“I’m so sorry, guys. I thought this was gonna be a sure thing but. . .I guess we’ve just gotta keep looking for sanctuary. Our own sanctuary.” I tell them, “We aren’t going far, I promise. And now we’ll actually have an entire building to ourselves. But. . .if you three want to stay here, I won’t hold it against you.”

Wilk growls and Fenris whines. Gray barks her own objection and I know that the three of them aren’t leaving me any time soon.

“Thanks, guys,” I sigh, “I just thought. . .”

I thought we finally found a home.


	7. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Wish You Were Dead

**_Derek POV_ **

 

The storm lifted almost an hour ago and I had everyone in the pack spread out across the entire park running and searching for the missing pups with instructions to howl when one of us finds them. Mira could barely wait and sprinted off into the distance looking for her pups high and low. Erica and Boyd run beside me as he head towards the human’s camp. 

We had one more hill to go before we heard it, the loud howl coming from our cabins. Someone found them. As much as I want to see if Stiles made it through the night, seeing to the pups is more important. So we turn tail and sprint back to the community. I see other wolves in the distance and Mira has no doubt gone too far to get here quick enough.

“Alpha! They’re here in their cabin!” Marley calls from the doorway, her large belly is covered in a thick blanket and she’s smiling. Relief settles inside my heart, the pups are alright. But when I see the two boys, they’re curled on the couch and wrapped in Stiles’ rabbit pelt blanket. Jackson has tears in his eyes and he’s clutching a bawling Liam to his chest. They smell heavily of the human’s scent and it’s both unnerving and soothing. Why the hell do they have his blanket? Are they wearing his clothes too? What the fuck happened.

“Boys,” I call their attention, red eyes making them flinch slightly at the authority, “What happened?”

“We’re s-sorry Alpha,” Liam cried, “We d-didn’t mean to get lost. . .”

“Alpha, we were running in the woods and we too far away from camp and got lost,” Jackson says honestly, “We couldn’t find our way back and the storm got too bad so we shifted and tried to keep warm but. . .but there was nowhere to hide from the snow and we were wandering in the snow we couldn’t see anything and I fell in the lake.”

“I p-pulled him out, Alpha.” Liam whimpered, “W-we were so cold and Jacks was asleep when I got him out of the lake. Then I smelled rabbit cooking and I found Sti. He pulled us into his house.”

“He took care of us and kept us warm. Then in the morning we woke up in our human skin. Stiles thought he was going crazy. He thought we were figments of his imagination.” Jackson rolled his eyes.

“He’s funny, Alpha.” Liam gives a weak laugh.

“He gave us breakfast and gave us warm clothes. But he smelled. . .off,” Jackson says, “Like last year when momma couldn’t get the caterpillars out of the gardens.”

“He smelled sad too,” Liam said, “He said that h-he couldn’t stay in the park with us anymore. He said that we’ve been watching him and put him in is-isol-isal-”

“Isolation,” Jackson corrects his brother, “He knew we were watching him and he knows that we have lots of people in our community. He was scared. But not because we’re werewolves, he was scared cuz he wanted to protect his pack. He likes Liam and I but he doesn’t trust the adults. Alpha, he doesn’t trust you not to come after him and his pack.”

“He smelled so s-sad, Alpha, so sad to leave,” Liam whimpered, “We didn’t want him to leave, though but he said he had to. Sti is so nice, though. He gave us this really soft blanket that kept us warm last night through the snow, he introduced us to his wolves who are really cool! And h-he put a movie on for us while he packed his things.”

“He dropped us off and drove off to find a new home, Alpha,” Jackson said sadly, “But he’s gonna die, Alpha. He’s not safe anywhere but here. He was so nice to us and he smells so nice too. Why can’t we keep him, Alpha? He was so sad. . .he won’t make it out there anymore.”

Dread settles in my belly as I listen to their story. The truth in their words makes me hurt in ways I never knew I could. And my mind is racing. Stiles had found the pups freezing and close to death, cared for them and returned them home. Only to pack his things and leave the park, the only home he had known in years. Of all those nights I listened to him crying at the sky about how lucky he felt, how happy he was, how alive he felt. . .why would he just leave again? The pups enjoyed their time with the first human they’ve ever met. Stiles hadn’t even freaked out at them when they told him what they are. No, Stiles thought he was going crazy. But he accepted their words and chose to care for them still. Liam is crying and sniffling, obviously distraught at having lost the first human he’s ever met. Liam is a soft soul and loves people, he has a heart of gold and an exceptionally good judge of character. The six year old had taken to the mysterious human immediately and knows that Stiles won’t make it on his own anymore. Jackson, a boy who is incredibly introverted and naturally suspicious of people had even come to like Stiles in such a short time of knowing him. 

This human is something special. 

And he’s leaving the park  _ right now.  _

“Derek, he’s been in the park for two months now, only proving to be a good person through and through. He even knew we were watching. . .but didn’t try to hunt us down. We can’t let him leave,” Erica says to the Alpha.

“Why do you all want to keep this human here so badly?” I question them.

“He smells good. . .like he belongs,” Jackson says.

“He smells like he’s always been pack,” Erica confirms, everyone nods in agreement.

“He took care of us,” Liam says, “He coulda let us die, but he didn’t! He brought us in and gave us this blanket. It’s so  _ soft.”  _

I mull it over further. I know that they’re right, they’ve been pestering me from the first few weeks to take a chance and introduce our pack to the human and see if he could be brought into the fold. I was too cautious. I was afraid. But they’re right, I can’t let this man go. Something is screaming at me to go and get him, bring him back and tell him not to be afraid, he doesn’t need to flee. He doesn’t need to leave his home because the park is big enough for all of them. 

“Alright, pups. Which direction did he drive off in?” I asked them. They both pointed westward and I know exactly which road Stiles is using to get out of the park. 

“Liam! Jackson!” A loud shriek breaks through the air and the pups jump into their mother’s arms. Mira cries into their little bodies and wraps herself around her children, “Thank God.”

“Erica, Boyd, with me.” I command as we walk out of the cabin.

“Where we goin boss?” Erica smirks.

“To stop Stiles from leaving.” I sighed and broke out into a sprint in the direction the pups pointed. Just then, another loud howl rips through the crisp, cold air. 

“I have a feeling someone already has,” Boyd says forebodingly and it only makes me sprint harder through the snow. Hopefully none of his packmates were trigger happy and decided to attack. Hopefully Stiles hasn’t attacked. After sprinting for forty minutes, I see what all the commotion is about. 

Scott and Isaac have Stiles’ shitty truck surrounded with three other wolves. Stiles and one of my betas, Byron, are locked in a standoff. The human’s pistol is pressed against Byron’s forehead and his body is completely rigid. His weapons are strapped to his body. Large knives strapped to his thighs and his hood has fallen, exposing his long chestnut hair to the elements. It’s not snowing anymore but it’s windy and still cold. His face is pale except for his chapped lips and pink nose. He looks like an animal cornered and his wolves look utterly terrifying. The three of them have bounded into action, poised at his feet and growling at my betas. Stiles makes eye contact with me and in an instant I’m lost. If I thought watching him from a distance was entrancing, I’m completely gone on his amber eyes. They’re calculating and intelligent. He’s already looking for a way out of this situation. 

I can see the many scars on his face much better now. He’s been through a lot of shit, I can tell and it’s made him hard. It’s made him stone cold and in the two months of being in the park, I thought he would have softened just a little but that isn’t the case at all. If anything, I’ve just confirmed his fears that this place, his luck was indeed too good to be true. Stiles looks fierce and from one Alpha to another, I can admire that. 

“My name is Derek-”

“The Alpha,” Stiles grits out, “Yeah, I know who you are. The Alpha, the stalker. . .what else are you?”

“Liam and Jackson are safe at home. Thanks to you,” I say calmly, “They said they already told you what we are.”

“I’m glad the kids are alright. Now if you’d kindly call off your dogs, I’ll happily get out of your hair.” Stiles says gruffly. He hasn’t backed down, if anything, he’s standing more confidently and he’s ready to challenge me. It sends a shot of arousal through me watching this man’s body and brain light up at the danger around him. 

“The kids like you a lot,” I tell him, “They were pretty upset when you decided to leave.”

“Yeah, well. I know when I’m not wanted.” Stiles glares, “I’ll get out of here, go far enough away you won’t ever see me again.”

“We don’t want you to leave, Stiles.” I say honestly. The human doesn’t miss a beat and now he’s even more on edge.

“Look, I don’t know what you have in that little head of yours. But I’m not going to stick around and wait for you to eat me or fucking kill me. I’m not an idiot and I’m not going to go down without a fight. I guarantee you I am more of a threat than I look,” Stiles’ voice is low and threatening and it sends shivers through my body at the ferocity in his tone.

“Dude, we don’t want to eat you!” Scott says in a disgusted tone, “Why would we wanna eat you?”

“I lost three toes to people who said the exact same thing. Almost lost more than just my toes,” Stiles snarls, “Now unless you want this guy’s brains all over the snow, you’ll stand down and let me leave. You let me go, no one dies today.”

“Stiles, look. . .we’re not going to eat you or kill you. We’ve been watching you for the last two months as a sort of screening process,” I sigh, “We had to make sure you weren’t crazy or anything. And we definitely don’t want you to leave the park. It’s not safe out in the real world and you’ve made a home here. Yes, we don’t have any humans in the pack but we also don’t have anyone with your wide range of skills.”

“What do you want from me, man?” Stiles asks bitterly.

“We just want you to come back. Stay with us for a bit and see if you like it. We have plenty of room and your wolves are more than welcome,” I offered, “If you don’t like living in the community then you can go. We won’t try and stop you.”

Stiles looks at me intently, like he’s trying to get a read on if I’m lying or not. But he doesn’t have that ability. Right? I mean he’s only human. . .the way he looks at me though, it’s like he’s looking at my soul and analyzing it. 

“No harm will come to my pack?” He questions stiffly.

“None at all.” I say gently.

“If I don’t like your little. . .trial, you’ll let us go?” He asks.

“We’ll help you pack,” I promise. The thought of seeing him leave makes my stomach churn uncomfortably but I know that he needs to know he has the option of being free.

“You want me to just. . .move into your community?” His voice is hard, doubtful and untrusting. 

“We’ve got a nice community going over by the lodge,” I say calmly, “You could have your own cabin. Let me show you around and you can make your decision.”

“Wilk, I want you tailing the rear and Fenris, you take the lead. Gray you’re beside me,” He commands and the wolves do as he says, getting into position, “Let’s get one thing straight,  _ Alpha,  _ I don’t trust you. Or your puppies. I’ve destroyed many communities to protect my family and I won’t hesitate to destroy yours if I have to. I’m not afraid of you but you sure as hell better be smart enough to fear me.” The fire in his eyes burns me and I’m in awe that he threatened me so easily. Without fear of repercussion. This man doesn’t know me yet he challenges me. The Alpha in me is pissed. Part of me wants to rip this puny human a new one, but the other part of me wants to commend him on his bravery. Part of me admires the strength of will and fire in his eyes. 

“Likewise.” I say. I won’t tell him that he’s outnumbered, that if he takes one step out of like or threatens any of my betas in any way I will slit his throat. Because from one Alpha to another, it’s completely understood. 

“Alright. Show me what you got,  _ Alpha.” _


	8. Into the Wolves Den

_**Stiles POV** _

The wolves. . . _ werewolves _ . . .are leading me and my family back to their community. 

“Why did I agree to this?” I asked my wolves, “We’re literally going into the wolve’s den. What the hell, Stiles?”

Gray whines at me, nudging my arm gently.

“True, It’s not like we really had a choice,” I agreed with the wolf, “We’re outgunned and outnumbered. They said they don’t want to eat us. . .”

Fenris growls quietly.

“I know. I know. That’s what that group in Manhattan said too,” I sighed, “That one guy looked pretty appalled when I made the suggestion. He could just be a really good actor. Just stick close to me, we don’t know what we’re walking into here, they may not be cannibals but we don’t know what they could be hiding.”

The three wolves both make uncomfortable yipping noises, all shouting at me in wolfish voices.

“I know! I definitely don’t want a repeat of Cincinnati either,” I barked at them.

The four of us approaches the community and I’m a little awestruck. When they said community, I just imagined a few cabins grouped together and maybe a few bonfires. I was not expecting this. . .It’s a legitimate community. Not only are there a bunch of cabins. . .like maybe around twenty really nice cabins, there’s also a few barns and I’m pretty sure there’s something going on in the lodge. They’ve build an entire, self sufficient community. When I park the truck, my hands are already on my weapons and I’m in my defensive stance once more. 

“Why don’t we start with a tour?” The Alpha asks me. This guy is downright gorgeous. I haven’t seen beauty like this in years and it’s very off putting. He’s perfectly preserved, unmarred by this world and here I am, missing fingers and toes, covered in scars and completely altered. This Alpha’s had it made in the shade.

“Wow, it’s just peaches and cream over here isn’t it?” I try not to expose the bitterness in my tone but I guess I failed because the Alpha is looking at me like. . .I don’t know, he looks at me like he wants to eat me which doesn’t do well to quell my cannibalism fears.

“We’ve worked hard to maintain our home, yes,” He says calmly, “It hasn’t always been ‘peaches and cream’.”

“Wow,” I sighed, watching all the people passing by. Sure, I’m a spectacle, I know, I have three massive wolves by my side and I’m the only human that these people have seen in years. But I’m surprised at seeing living people, it’s almost eerie and if I weren’t so sure that I’m still in my right mind, I would probably think I’m seeing ghosts.

“What?” Derek grumbles, almost like he thinks I’m being disingenuous.

“Nothing, I just. . .haven’t seen this many  _ living _ people since. . .” Wilk whines beside me and I know exactly what he’s thinking, “I know, since Hill City.” 

The moment the name leaves my tongue, the three of them growl and bark at me.

“My thoughts exactly. God damn cult.” Gray yipped at me irately, “I know, you told me shit was fucked up in that town. They had massive gardens, I’m sorry I was hungry. You’re never gonna let that go are you?”

“Are you. . .seriously having an argument with wolves? Actual wolves?” Derek says, looking at me like he is seriously worried for my sanity.

“You’ve been watching me for the past two months. I’m sure you’ve seen more than one of our arguments,” I say condescendingly.

“How do you even know they understand you?” He asks doubtfully.

“It’s body language. And facial expressions and the fact that I raised them. We have an understanding. I know what certain yips and barks mean, growls and all that junk too. We’ve become very accustomed to one another,” I tell him, “You gonna get on with this tour or what?”

He gives me a hesitant nod and leads me through the small village and brings me up to one of the barns. When he opens the door, I’m hit with warm air and the smell of soil. The garden is filled with hanging foliage and raised garden beds. I spot so many different types of vegetables and fruits. It’s pretty damn amazing, their setup is perfectly monitored and I can see different workers going in and out of the barn, only giving a curious glance to me before tearing their eyes away. 

“We’ve got two barns growing produce. The third barn houses our livestock. Chickens, a few cows, some sheep and some goats. It’s a relatively small operation but we manage to keep it going and what we have suits our needs,” Derek says, “We have a horse too but uh. . .he’s been pretty wild since he spent so much time on the outside living ‘free range’. No one rides him, all we can manage is to give him food and water.”

“Maybe you should try setting it free,” I suggest, “Wild animals aren’t meant to be caged.”

“You have your wolves, we have the horse. Eventually he will serve a purpose.” Derek sighs, “That’s why we haven’t let him go yet, because he will be of use one day.”

Huh. If that doesn’t send ice through my veins I don’t know what will. 

“Let’s get one thing straight, Alpha,” I growl, “My wolves aren’t with me because they have to be. If they wanted to leave they could have done so long ago but they chose to stay with me, still choose to stay with me because we’re family. Because we look out for one another and not because they serve some sort of unknown purpose for me. They are not hunting dogs, they are not pets, they are wild fucking animals and they don’t have to serve some purpose to remain in my good graces. Let’s move on, you’re already pissing me off.”

He gives me a stiff nod and a tight frown before directing us out of the barn and towards the lodge. The lodge is where they house the infirmary and storage for all their resources. Which, are all scantily useful. They scavenge, no doubt about that but they obviously have no idea how to create anything from what the land provides. They obviously don’t know how to tan hides or create fur goods. Derek opens a door to a dimly lit room full of. . .whool? Like they just sheared the sheeps and dumped their wool in the room?

“What the hell,” I say, obviously disgusted.

“Oh, yeah, I don’t know why we kept all this. No one knows how to use it and I think Mira just doesn’t want it to go to waste.” Derek huffs in annoyance.

“No one knows how to spin wool?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh and you do?” He asks smugly.

“Yeah, I do actually.” I snap back.

“Of course you do,” He sighs, “How the hell do you know how to do all these things like tanning and spinning wool. . .lord knows what else you could do.” He mutters.

“I stayed with a woman in Indiana for a while. She had a little homestead going on. . .kinda like you. Only she knew how to do shit. She was half Cree and she taught me how to do all the tanning and stuff. I hated spinning wool but it was good to have,” Now I’m starting to get all nostalgic, “She taught me how to knit too. I got really good at it too. Of course, I would need all new needles if I wanted to use some of the wool but I made damn good winter wear with that stuff.”

Gray yips at me excitedly and now I remember how she used to carry around the scarf I made her until it was ripped off by some poachers in South Dakota. Near Hill City now that I think about it. . .

“I could make you a new scarf,” I say to her, “New blankets for you guys to sleep on. I could use a new hat. . .” I’m not even talking to anyone now I’m thinking about all the possibilities for all that wool that someone just left here and now I’m pissed, “You guys suck. I mean really, look at this gold mine!” 

“If you like it so much, you can have it,” Derek says like it’s nothing. Like it’s nothing to hand over something so precious. 

“Are you serious? Don’t you know what you have here?” I ask incredulously.

“No. But you do, and if anyone’s gonna put it to good use, you will. We’ve been able to scavenge winter materials and use whatever we brought into the park with us,” He gives me a small smile, “We’ve been here since the beginning, doing our best to figure things out as we go and we’ve been fairly successful. We weren’t farmers, we didn’t know how to keep livestock, how to survive in a zombie apocalypse.”

“You’ve managed pretty well so far.” I shrugged.

“We’ve never really encountered a zombie. At least, not since the outbreak and we came here almost immediately,” He says. Wow, I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to be completely safe for the majority of the apocalypse, “We don’t possess the kind of knowledge you do.”

“So that’s why I’m here?” I ask bitterly, “Because I know things? Because I can teach you? Then what. . .when I’ve shown you how to survive what then. When I’ve outgrown my usefulness. You were right, Wilk. Just like Cincinnati.” I say to Wilk.

“Don’t be so paranoid,” Derek chides lightly, “We’re hoping you might help us a little but we’re not expecting anything from you. We want you here because we think you’d be a good fit for the pack.”

Yeah, sure. Okay. I’ll chose to believe that for now. 

“I’ll need help getting all this wool prepared. And if you want me to teach people, select whoever you want. Once I settle I’ll start on it.” I sigh. 

Derek nods enthusiastically, “Thank you, Stiles.”

I give a hesitant nod and follow him through the rest of the tour. All in all, he has a very nice set up, the community is fairly well off and I’m almost envious. He finished the tour by bringing me to a small cabin on the outskirts of the community. It’s a half a mile from any other cabins. I’m choosing to think that they want to give me my privacy rather than them wanting to keep their distance from me. It’s much roomier than my camper and it has a small kitchen and even a bathroom. 

“There’s running water, not much but it’s enough for the occasional shower. A small kitchen. . .anything you might need. This is your home, do as you wish with it.” Derek says awkwardly. 

“Am I free to roam the grounds, warden?” I ask sarcastically.

“I’m not your warden,” Derek objects fervently, “You’re not a prisoner here and you’re free to do as you wish. As long as you’re not endangering my pack, you’re free to go about your business as usual.”

I give a stiff nod and shift awkwardly on my feet. 

“I’ll leave you to your own devices now,” Derek clears his throat, “My cabin is at the center of the community, you can’t miss it. I’ll be around so feel free to come to me if you need anything. We usually have dinner in the commons area. I hope to. . .uh I hope to see you there.”

What?

Gray looks at me with wide eyes. She nudges me to say something but I have no idea what to say. So I nod at the Alpha and stand stiff until he leaves the cabin. 

“Well.  . .what now?” I ask the wolves, “I guess we’ll be sticking around after all. Things are going to be different. I don’t want anyone running around alone. Please come back to the cabin before nightfall. Just. . .watch your backs. If we need to make a quick getaway, I want to have everything ready. I’ll pack the bug-out bag now. But until shit hits the fan. . .be wary.”

They nod their heads and rub against me reassuringly. The Alpha seems nice but we’ve seen nice before, many times and it’s never panned out. I don’t care how nice or how attractive this man seems. A pretty face won’t distract me. Not when I have so much to lose. 


	9. I Bring the Weather With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still upset about Supernatural and I know I will be for a long time. I've been binge watching the show again to try and make myself feel better but it's not really working. So I thought, "why not introduce Supernatural characters into my fic?" but then I thought, "Will my readers like that?" So now it's a coin toss. I'm not really sure what to do now so I guess I'll leave it up to you guys. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

_**Stiles POV** _

Unpacking didn’t take long. Neither did packing a bug-out bag and tossing it in the truck for future use. Before I had a chance to sneak away to survey the community, I was tackled by two little boys.

“Sti!” Liam shouts, his little arms hug me tightly, “We thought you were leavin’”

“I was but then your Alpha came and stopped me, he said you guys were sad I was going away so I had to come back,” I chuckled weakly, “Couldn’t have two sad pups in the world.”

Then I notice that neither boy is wearing more than long sleeve shirts that are entirely too big for them. They’re not wearing anything to keep the chill from their bones and that pisses me off more than being dragged back here. Why the hell aren’t their parents taking care of them?

“Guys, where are your jackets? Scarves or anything to keep you warm?” I questioned them.

“We don’t have any,” Jackson sighs, “We were little when we moved here and we didn’t have more than we came in with, no one had stuff we could use. Plus, we keep outgrowing whatever they did have.”

“That just won’t do.” I sighed angrily. I took my bobcat fur hood off and placed it on Jackson’s head. I'm doing my best to ignore the cold breeze harshly nipping at my ears now. I can't even imagine how the kids feel. The hood went all the way to his shoulders, draping over him but the little boy grinned widely at the me and marveled at the hood I made. 

“Hey! What about me?” Liam asks indignantly. The little boy pouts and crosses his arms.

“I haven’t forgotten you, Li.” I smile at him. I pulled out my pocket knife and cut the seams of the fox fur lining my coat and neckline, “Why don’t you guys come inside while I sew this together into a hood for you?” 

“Sweet!” Liam bounces excitedly and the boys enter my cabin happily. 

“Wilk, Fenris,” I called to my wolves, “Go hunt, bring back whatever you kill. Preferably big game. We’re going to need to make more furs.”

The wolves give me an irritable look, as if asking  _ seriously? Now we’re helping them?  _

“Hi Wilk!” Liam says, a little dopey grin on his face appears and his eyes light up when he sees the massive wolf and without even thinking about it, the little boy runs up to the wolf and throws his arms around his neck, hugging the wolf. I have to stifle my laugh when Wilk’s ears flatten against his head and his eyes go wide. He has absolutely no idea what to do.

“You know, these guys killed the animals that I used to make those hoods,” I grinned, “They’re gonna hunt some more so I can make you guys some warm clothes.”

“Thank you, wolves!” Liam cheers, rubbing his cheek against Wilk’s neck, scenting him. It’s rather adorable. Wilk gives a little whine and looks at the boy curiously. Normally, the big wolf is a menace and shows little in way of affection for new people but this little boy is scratching behind his ear and grinning so widely. . .the way only an innocent can. Wilk relents and gives the six year old a gentle lick to his cheek and nods at me. Then the two male wolves run off into the woods in search of prey. 

“Why didn’t all three of them go?” Jackson asks, fiddling with the edges of the hood that’s still covering his head.

“Cuz she’s gonna stay with me for now and watch over me,” I tell them, “Plus, Gray will help me round up some more rabbits around here.”

“We really like that blanket. . .it’s the softest thing we own.” Jackson says.

“I’m glad you like it,” I smile lightly.

“Can we learn how to do that?” Jackson asks hopefully.

“You guys are a little young, you can learn how to prep wool, though. I mean, if you guys want.” I shrug. I’m trying to sew these damn furs together with the little makeshift sewing kit I have going on but the boys don’t seem deterred at all, they seem really interested in my work. 

“Will you teach us one day how to do that?” Liam asks hopefully.

“Sure,” I laugh.

It takes me another ten minutes as I rapidly sew the thing together. Practiced hands make quick work. When the fox furs are sewn together and a nice hood that Liam can grow into is finished, I plop the thing on his head and watch as the little boy runs around my cabin with red fur on the top of his head and a bright smile on his face. And I’d be lying if I said that didn’t put a warm feeling in my heart.

“Well boys, I’ve got a lot of work to do so why don’t you two run along. I’m sure your mother is-”

“Liam!” I hear someone shout in the distance. The boys rush outside and their mother is very angrily stomping over to us, “Jackson, I told you two to stay in the cabin. I don’t want you two running off.”

“Sti gave Jackson his hood, mommy. Then I really wanted one too so he made me one too! It was so cool, he just put them together!” Liam smiled. Their mother looks at me curiously, a guarded look on her face has me cringing inwardly. She's not sure if she wants to trust me but she can see that her pups like me. Conflicting emotions are a bitch. 

“I saw that they didn’t have any outerwear for the winter,” I shrugged, “You two need to listen to your mother.”

“We just wanted to come see you and thank you for the blanket,” Jackson says shyly.

“You brought them home, didn’t you? And kept them safe during the storm?” Their mother asked me cautiously. She’s just as afraid of me as I am of her. But above all, she’s a mother, worried about her two sons. I can understand that fear. I nod at her.

“Well, thank you.” She says neutrally, “I’m Mira, by the way. Derek says you’re going to do something about all that wool we’ve been accumulating.”

“I’d love to but I can’t, actually.” I’m trying not to get angry because as much as I am able to take care of all that wool and am very excited that I could be able to work it once more. But I can’t because I don’t have the right tools. 

“Well. . .” She doesn’t know what to say to me. I can see that she’s grateful for what I did for her kids but she’s nervous about a stranger, not to mention I have an actual wolf standing by my side. That can be pretty intimidating, “Thank you again, the boys are all I have and you didn’t have to help them.”

“I would hope someone would do the same for my wolves,” I shrugged, “If I’m able, I would really like to make them some winter clothing. If that’s alright with you?”

“You can do that?” She asked warily.

“Sure.” I shrug. She looks on the fence about it and I know when I need to step back, “Well, think about it. I’ll have furs coming in and nowhere to use them. So. . .I’ll see you boys later. Stay indoors, alright? Werewolf or not you need to keep warm.”

“Bye Sti! Will you be at dinner?” Liam asked quickly, unaware to the tension between me and his mother.

“Maybe, pup.” I chuckle lightly, “I’ll see you guys around.”

“Bye, Gray,” Liam says, he scratches behind her ear.

The boys give me a wave and Mira hauls them away quickly. What a welcoming comity. Well now back to work. Gray wives me a small whine, knowing that I’m not even more unsure about being here. Sure the kids like me, but they’re kids. They don’t understand. The adults are not going to be as welcoming. Not at all. Back to matters at hand. I need to find a spinning wheel because I do not possess the kind of carpentry skills needed to put one together. I don’t even know where I would get one. I pull out the brochures and maps of the park, anything that I found at the ranger’s station. I’m glad I grabbed them all because there’s a brochure for the Yellowstone Historic Center. It’s a museum and if I’m lucky, which I’m sure I will be, I’ll find an old but well preserved spinning wheel. If I need to make new parts I’ll figure it out. If there’s not a spinning wheel in the museum then I’m sure I could find an antique shop. Might as well do some shopping while I’m out. Probably try to scavenge what I can from hardware stores. It’s barely noon now, I could go and be back by nightfall. Possibly. The wolves will want to go with me. It’s been awhile since they’ve seen the outside world. I’m sure they’d love to go and explore. Maybe kill a Z or two. I should wait for morning. I don’t want to be stuck out there over night. 

“In the morning we’ll go,” I tell Gray, “Try to salvage what we can. We’ll prep tonight. Leave before dawn. I don’t want anyone stopping us.”

Gray nods her head and we head back inside the cabin. Now that I don’t have a hood anymore, I need to figure something else out. It’s cold and I don’t want to expose myself to the cold more than I need to. Now I’m fresh out of furs and I have no lining. It’s fucking cold. Now I’m gonna have to wait at least two weeks for the new furs to be ready enough for me to put them to use.  _ If  _ the wolves even bring something back today. Not to mention, tomorrow I’m sacrificing an entire day of hunting in order to find a fucking spinning wheel. I don’t have time for anything. The shit I have to get done boggles my mind. Those kids can’t keep wandering around without winterwear and the only hide I have left is the elk. And I’m not sure I want to use it to make them a jacket. Though it’s soft right now, over time it’s gonna get dry and shed. I need something that will keep them warm over time. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll look to see if there’s some jackets for the boys. It might be easier than making them out of hides. We’ll have to go through residential neighborhoods,” I tell Gray, “We need to put out new snares today.”

She yips in agreement and before we reach the door, there’s a knock.

“Who could that be,” I ask sarcastically. Oh, it’s the one who looked disgusted when I suggested they were gonna eat me.

“Hi, I’m Scott.” His jaw is insanely crooked but he’s also grinning like an idiot and his excited smile and bounce in his step makes me think of a puppy.

“Let me guess. You’re here to make sure I stay out of trouble.” I say irritably. The werewolf visibly flinches at my harsh tone but quickly recovers and tries to offer me a friendly smile.

“Nah, I’m just here to get to know you,” He says excitedly, “You’re the first new guy we’ve ever had.”

I huffed in mild annoyance and looked over at Gray, the large wolf is laying on my bed, eyeing the werewolf curiously. Her shoulders rise and fall in a shrug and she turns her attention elsewhere. 

“I’ll just pretend that I don’t know your Alpha told you to watch me.” I sighed.

“What-well uh I mean-”

“I have to build new snares now and I need to set up my tanning equipment. So. . .” I tried to bypass the awkward wolf standing in my doorway but he simply followed closely behind me and grinned. What the hell is wrong with this guy?

“I’ll go with you!” He says cheerily.

“I don’t-”

“I would love to learn how to build snares. I mean, if you’ll teach me.” He says hopefully. I can see that  I’m not getting rid of this guy. I sighed and rolled my eyes but let him follow me to my truck to set up the tanning squares. 

“So, Stiles, I’ve been dying to talk to you since you hit the park! I have so many questions, like have you really been all over the country? What’s it like in the outside world? What did you do before the apocalypse? What made you want to come to the park in the first place? Where did you meet your wolves? Why did you name them? What happened to their mother? Were you-”

“Listen, Scott. My past is. . .complicated. And really really shitty. It’s not a story you want to hear and believe me, it’ll make more questions than answer.” I bristled, “If you insist on keeping me company, shut up and help me rebuild my life. If you actually help, then maybe I’ll answer your questions.” 

He looked slightly put out and it made me do a double take. Geez. This place is ridiculous. Are the people here seriously that sensitive? This guy looks like I just kicked his puppy. How have they survived so long? Scott nods hesitantly and follows my instructions, lifting my stuff out of the truck and moving it wherever I directed. He works quietly, obeying all of my orders and even eagerly asks if he can do more. My surly attitude didn’t deter him, the resolve in his eyes is still there. The resolve to do what, I have no idea. 

“How about we make a deal?” He proposes.

“To do what.” I sigh tiredly.

“Every day I’ll come and help you with all your. . .activities. . .and you answer one question each day.” He says cautiously. 

I don’t trust him. I don’t want to trust him and quite frankly, I’m not sure why he even wants to be my friend. I think that’s what he’s doing. It’s weird to think that people are actually going to try and be my friend. I mean, should I really be trying to befriend these people? Am I actually going to try and be a part of this community? I’ve tried the whole assimilation thing in many different places that I thought would be home. . .Cincinnati, Michigan, Georgia, even Kansas. I really thought Kansas was going to work out too. And I was extremely disappointed when it didn’t. Each time I tried to become part of a group larger than my own pack, it ended the same way. In blood. And I don’t think I can take that again. I don’t think I can open myself up to these people only to have to run for my life. I’m not sure I could survive that. So why have I settled in? Why have I accepted a cabin and actually started to move in? I’ve become invested already. I’ve situated myself in a community. 

I’m already halfway there. What the actual fuck am I thinking? This is exactly what I was hoping to avoid. What if I get attached to the people here? I haven’t been attached to anyone but my wolves and even then we’ve had many close calls and it’s practically broken me each time. Each time I come close to losing them another part of me withers away. What would I do if I lost actual friends, people who took me in? People who gave me a home, a safe one at that too. I would die. I know that much.

And these people have opened themselves to me, given me more than anyone else has in years. They’re offering me a home, a pack. They could have chased me out, they could have killed me on sight two months ago or just a few hours ago. They could have done whatever they wanted to me but they’ve chosen to bring me in. Only asking that I try, that I become the ‘good fit’ that they believe me to be. But am I a good fit? I’m so fucking damaged. Can’t they see that? Can’t they see that I’m nowhere near sane? Here I am in the midst of perfectly unblemished people, werewolves who are strong and fierce. And I’m missing limbs. How could they really want me? If they only knew. . .

“Stiles?” Scott asks worriedly, his concerned voice breaks me out of my thoughts roughly and I’m staring into deep brown puppy dog eyes. Seriously,  _ what the hell am I doing _ ? “You okay?”

“Yeah. . .I uh-” I clear my throat roughly, “Internal battle.”

He nods understandingly, “I know it’s a lot to take in, you’ve been on your own for years now and none of us really know what’s happened to you since the outbreak. Judging by your scars and stuff. . .I would say that you’ve been through more than anyone could imagine. And I know that it’s probably changed you in ways that. . .Look, we know that you’re hesitant to trust us, we won’t fault you for that at all. We-I just hope that maybe, you’ll give us a chance. I know it’s hard opening up to new people but. . .if you’ll let us, we’d love to try and earn your trust and show you that you’re safe here. You don’t have to be afraid or alone. . .we’re a pack and we hope you might want to be a part of that. You and your wolves, of course. All we ask. . .is that you try. Just like we are, try to be open.” He says so hopefully, his eyes are earnest and truthful. I didn’t pick out a lie in his words and I know that he’s just trying to ease my fear.

“Scott, I know you all want to try but. . .the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done. . .I just need time to figure everything out and decide if I even want to try and open myself up to the possibility of having friends again.” I sigh, “I just need time.”

“Then you have it,” he smiles gently, “Now, will you let me ask a question?”

“One question.” I say reluctantly. He did work for a while setting everything up and he helped me build a bunch of snares to set up in the woods. New hunting grounds. . .we’ll see what we catch.

“DC or Marvel?” Scott asks with a bright smile and I can’t help the loud bark of laughter that bubbles from my chest.  _ Fuck it.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone understands Stiles' mindset. I'm trying to make this realistic, at least, as realistic as I can. I'm trying not to deviate too much from their actual characters so let me know how I'm doing.   
> Also, if you like this fic, please feel free to check out my other stories. I update regularly. Look at me self promoting my writing. . .


	10. Dreamcatcher Won't You Save Me

Dawn is only an hour away judging by the pale blue hue in the sky. It’s going to be sunny today.  _ Cold and sunny, an odd combo.  _ Stiles thinks. 

“Alright, I already took care of the beaver pelt, it’s gotta soak for today and I’ll be back before sundown. Wilk, you’re with me today.” The largest wolf gives him a yip in agreement, “You two, just. . .try to stay out of trouble. If you catch any big game today bring it back for me. I’ll take care of it when I get back.”

Stiles tosses his backpack over his shoulder and does one more once over to make sure his laces are tied and his harnesses are tight around his thighs. The large knives strapped to his thighs are at the ready for a moment’s notice. He’s going out into the real world, something he had hoped to avoid doing for the rest of his life. But necessity calls. Gray whines, bringing Stiles’ attention back to her. The shewolf rubs herself against the side of his body, pitiful cries emanate from her body.

“I’ll be okay, pup. Wilk and I will be just fine and we’ll be back before you know it, I promise.” Stiles says sadly, “Keep Fenris out of trouble, would you?”

Fenris yips at him, slightly affronted. He gives his human a quick goodbye and lightly shoves him to the door. The sooner he leaves, the sooner he’ll come back. 

“Alright. We’ll see you two soon.” Stiles sighs and heads out the door, bracing himself against the cold.

The massive wolf and his human rush to the truck and jump in, closing the door quietly so as not to wake anyone in the community. Starting the truck took a minute and made more noise than Stiles would have liked. 

“Hopefully werewolves are heavy sleepers,” Stiles says to Wilk.

When the truck starts, there’s half a tank and Stiles has three more jerry cans full of gas. That should be enough to get him there so he can scavenge more gas and make it back into the park. Stiles puts in his Johnny Cash cd,  _ At Folsom Prison _ , and they speed off into the snow. The chains do their job and rip through the snow like slushie. They make it about three miles before a big black wolf jumps out in front of the truck forcing Stiles to come to an abrupt stop.

“What the fuck!” Stiles shouts angrily. Then he watches as the black wolf morphs into a very large, very attractive, and very angry Alpha, “Shit.” Stiles groans.

“Now, I know you’re not leaving because you don’t have all your stuff or the other two wolves. You definitely wouldn’t leave them behind. And your camper is in the opposite direction. So I’d like to know what you’re doing,” Derek growls at me.

“So now I need to check with you before I do things?” Stiles grunts angrily. That seemed to stump the Alpha, “If you must know, I need to make a supply run. I’ll be back before nightfall.”

“You’re not going out there,” Derek says firmly. Big mistake, because Stiles gets out of his truck and stalks to the Alpha with a fire in his eyes that makes Derek want to run the opposite way.

“You can’t tell me what to do. You are not  _ my _ pack. You are not  _ my  _ Alpha and I will  _ not _ take orders from you.” Stiles growled, “You have no power over me and if you really want to stop me, you’re going to have to try really hard but I promise you it won’t end well for you.”

Stiles can tell that Derek isn’t used to being challenged or even outright defied by anyone. The Alpha stands confused, unsure of what to do but also angry that this human is being very obstinate but Stiles is unapologetic and he hasn’t backed down. 

“Let me go with you.”

“Fuck no.” Stiles objects quickly.

“Why not?”

“You have no idea how to survive on the outside.” Stiles says angrily.

“I’m a werewolf, I’ll be fine.” Derek says irritably. 

“I’m not taking you with me.” Stiles replies equally as irritable.

“Stiles, come one, you’re not going out there alone-”

“I’m not alone. Wilk is going with me and I definitely don’t need your help.” Stiles grounds out.

“We’re done arguing and unless you want Scott and Boyd and maybe even Erica coming with us, I suggest we get moving.” Derek huffs and walks towards a group of trees to retrieve a bundle of clothing he has stashed under a rock, quickly dresses while Stiles steams in anger and hops into the passenger seat of the truck, waiting for Stiles to get in and drive. 

“I’m not even going to ask,” Stiles says gruffly. He’s losing daylight and knows that he needs to get going before anyone else decides they want to join in on their little day out of the park.

They’re silent the entire trip out of the park, only speaking when they need to move the barricades out of the way in order to exit the park. Stiles does his best to ignore the werewolf in the passenger seat, trying hard not to acknowledge the constant glances and deep inhales the Alpha is casting his way. It shouldn’t bother Stiles as much as it is. It shouldn’t bother him that this Alpha is getting to know his scent and face. But for some reason it feels as if Derek is taking him apart. Stiles isn’t sure how to feel about that.

When they make it to the museum, Stiles puts the truck in park and stares at his hands that are still gripping the steering wheel tightly. He’s mentally preparing himself for whatever the world has in store for him today, he’s steeling himself against whatever is waiting for him. Whether it be death or just another day in paradise.

Derek watches the human curiously. He watches as Stiles closes his eyes and breathes deeply. His body is rigid in a single moment and when Stiles opens his eyes, the fire in his eyes has turned to ice. This side of Stiles frightens Derek to his core. He’s never seen someone look so dead and so alive at the same time. He’s hardened, like hell has frozen over and Derek realizes that this is how Stiles copes with the world around him when he’s left the safety of his home. Derek doesn’t like it, not one bit. 

“Stick close.” Stiles grunts harshly. The Alpha doesn’t like the ice in his voice but obeys and remains on his left side and Wilk takes his right. They make their way to the museum doors quickly and enter as quietly as they can. Derek doesn’t hear anything from inside the museum, just the silence of an abandoned building. Wilk relaxes slightly and that’s enough to let Stiles know that they’re alone in the building.

“The walkers don’t do well in cold so I doubt we’ll run into any while we’re out. As long as it’s freezing like this, they’ll be away from the cold.” Stiles informs Derek.

“Then why do you still have your pistol in your hands?” Derek asks bluntly.

“I’m not afraid of the dead.” Stiles says bitterly, “I’m afraid of the living.”

Derek is silent after Stiles reveals this. The Alpha knows that he’s immune to the disease but he’s not immune to humans. He knows that Stiles is right. Zombies are slow, they’re stupid and they feel nothing but hunger. They’re driven by base instinct. Humans are fast and intelligent, they’re resourceful and will do anything to survive. Stiles is right to fear them and it’s a fear that Derek knows all too well. They move about the building quickly, searching the different exhibits for what Stiles needs. He doesn’t find anything too useful and when he’s just about to move on to another building, he sees it, in the corner by some gruesome looking mannequins, an old spinning wheel. It’s in good shape, at least, good enough. He’ll need to make a new drive band but that’s fairly easy to do. He has plenty of material at home he can use to make into a makeshift band. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He whispers to Wilk.

“Do you seriously know how to use one of those?” Derek questions doubtfully.

“It’s old but. . .it’ll do.” Stiles says gruffly, “It’ll have to.”

They whisk the spinning wheel back to the truck and put it in the bed and strapping it down. It’s not going to shift around while they drive around. 

“Alright, let’s go home.” Derek sighs as he settles back into the passenger seat.

“What? We’re not going back yet.” Stiles grunts.

“We got what you need-”

“We need more stuff, Alpha. The two children of your pack don’t have winter jackets and I’m going to find them some.” Stiles says firmly.

“Why do you care?” Derek practically barks.

Stiles doesn’t bother answering that question. He simply starts the truck and drives towards residential neighborhoods. He stops in front of a house he’s scoped out and decides will most likely have what he’s looking for. It’s a little crispy from a fire on the outside but otherwise still standing. 

“Why this house?” Derek asks.

“This house has a minivan parked out front, not to mention the windows are open and there are blue and pink curtains inside. Not to mentions there’s a boys bike laying by the door. A family used to live here so they’re probably going to have what we’re looking for.” Stiles says as if it’s obvious, “Then we’ll go see the house at the end of the block because there’s a Honda Civic in the drive with a wheelchair ramp. Probably an older couple living in that home. I’ll be able to find knitting supplies.”

Derek is staring at the human, astounded. He would have never thought more than to just search every house he could break into. But Stiles actually looked at the houses and analyzed them, thinking about what he saw and making inferences about who could have lived there. Stiles sees things that Derek doesn’t. That’s undeniably fascinating to the Alpha.

“Wilk.” He calls to his wolf who’s at his side in an instant. The two of them throw themselves against the door and it caves in instantly, before Derek could stop him.

Upon gaining entrance to the home, a half-frozen zombie popsicle attacks. It’s non-seeing eyes fix on Stiles’s body and arms reach out to grab, to rip, to bite, to kill. Derek leaps forward but Stiles doesn’t need help. The human grabs his hunting knife from his side and maneuvers his weapon as if it’s an extension of his body. Stiles jams the knife upwards into the zombie’s cranium and it falls limp, lifeless to the floor. Derek stares at it, sick to his stomach. It’s now unrecognizable body is falling apart, he can’t tell if it had been a woman or a man, if it had hair at one point, he can’t recognize anything about it. It barely manages to look  _ human.  _ Derek hasn’t seen a zombie in years. He’s not been outside the park in years and he never had to see the gory mess that resulted. This is the first zombie he’s encountered in years. When the outbreak first happened, humans were falling ill. It wasn’t one giant calamitous outbreak, it was a slow descent into hell. He never saw rotten corpses. He saw humans falling ill then never recovering, he saw them gathering mindlessly. But they still looked so human that anyone could have mistaken it, in fact, many did. But Stiles, sure he hasn’t seen any zombies in months but it feels like it’s just another day in hell. He kills the zombie and cleans off his knife like it’s nothing. Then he goes about his business searching through closets and rooms while Derek is still stunned in the doorway. The Alpha isn’t sure how Stiles manages it. How he manages to move on so easily. 

“Another day another Z,” Stiles says tiredly, “Don’t think about it too much, Alpha. Thinking about it too long will only make things harder for yourself. Remind you ‘bout shit you don’t wanna remember. Trust me when I say it’s better to seal your emotions away and keep moving.”

“I. . .I don’t know how you-”

“My high school guidance counselor once said ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going.’” Stiles says in a moment of softness for the distressed wolf, “You just gotta keep going.”

Derek nods and reluctantly follows Stiles through the house towards the little boys room. It’s still perfectly preserved, a little messy as it can be seen that the family that lived here left in a hurry. The room belonged to a boy about Jackson’s age. In the photos hanging around the room, the boy looks to be about the same size, just a little taller than Jackson. In the closet there are a few long sleeve shirts and a couple thick sweaters. Good. Stiles grabs them and hands them to Derek, they move about the room quickly, grabbing spare backpacks and filling them with clothing for Jackson and eventually Liam. He digs out hats and a few pairs of gloves, better shoes for the boys and socks. They can share the clothes, they’ll be a bit big on Liam but it’s better than him wearing men’s clothing. The little boy even has a box filled with comic books. Stiles smiles brilliantly when he sees the Justice League comics. Stiles doesn’t even think twice about taking it. Derek makes all the runs to the car, putting all the bags and boxes that Stiles fills with things he thinks the boys will like. Across the hall there’s another bedroom, this one belonged to a teenage boy, no older than fifteen but tall and not lanky at all. The room screams teenager and it’s so musty that Stiles almost gags but he toughs it out and shuffles through the clothing items, taking jeans and sweaters and long sleeve shirts. There’s even a thick winter jacket, one for skiing. That’ll work perfectly for when the boys are older. He packs boots and shoes in one of the dead boy’s bags. 

Derek is almost irritable having to run up and down the stairs to toss more and more bags of clothing into the truck, but watching Stiles work to collect everything under the sun for the boys makes the Alpha almost keen in joy. The human cares for the littlest of the pack and that warms his heart. 

“The boys said that there are three pregnant women in your pack, right?” Stiles asks the Alpha.

“Yes.” He replies and is slightly stunned when Stiles rushes into the little girl’s room, tearing down the pink curtains and packing just about everything left in the little girl’s closet and dresser. She was no more than five and judging by her room, she had everything a little girl could have dreamed of. 

“Look in the basement, there’s probably going to be some stuff you might want for the babies. Bassinets, mobiles, and shit. Pack everything you can fit in the truck. We can always pile shit high.” Stiles instructs the Alpha. 

Derek nods in understanding and rushes to do as the human instructed. He thinks about what they were going to have to use for the pups because they lacked baby items. The women had been creative and taken some drawers from the lodge and did their best to dress them up. As an Alpha, he felt that keeping everyone inside the park and not letting them out to scavenge for things they didn’t absolutely need was of the utmost importance. He had never planned on going out into the outside world again. But here he is, gathering anything he can find. There’s a little wicker bassinet in the corner of the dusty and slightly terrifying basement. It’s in good condition and Derek can pick out a box with a large label on it: Crib. This family no doubt used it for all three children but it’ll do for one of the babies. There’s another box labeled: baby crap. It makes the Alpha laugh for a moment. Clearly the father wasn’t too enthusiastic. He carts both boxes up to the truck along with the bassinet and lets Stiles know he grabbed everything he could. 

“Alright, let’s move on. While I look for what I need, I want you to see if you can syphon gas from any and all cars you see. There are three jerry cans empty and waiting.” Stiles tells Derek, “Now, go fetch.”

“Will you be alright?” Derek asks worriedly.

“Duh,” Stiles rolls his eyes. He hands Derek one of his knives, “Don’t lose that.”

The Alpha looks at the knife, unsure if he really wants to take it but before he can object, Stiles is sprinting down the block towards the house he pointed out earlier. So Derek shuts up and does as he’s asked. He does his best not to focus on the outside world too much. If he does, he’ll be able to see the scorch marks of fire, the scattered remains, remnants of civilization that he doesn’t want to focus on. He wants more than anything to go home. He wants to be back inside the safety of his park, of his home. 

It doesn’t take long for Stiles to find what he wanted and he’s smiling happily as he tosses the bag of knitting items into the backseat. Derek spent all his time sprinting from car to car, doing as Stiles asked and managed to fill two of the three jerry cans with gas. 

“Good job, big guy.” Stiles praises, “Now, I want to drive out of residential towards town and see if we can’t find a target.”

“Why do we need to go to a Target?” Derek asks irritably.

“Supplies, Sourwolf. Supplies.” The human responds. 

Derek wants to go home. He hates it in the outside. He hates everything about the world where Stiles comes from. He hates the harshness, the danger, the death. He hates it all. And he hates most of all how Stiles is in this world. He wants the Stiles he was used to. The goofy, free spirited, man who would argue with animals and fish all day. He watches Stiles and he hates how he’s rigid and analyzing. He doesn’t like it because the harshness of this world is mirrored in his human’s eyes.

But he follows Stiles without saying a word, pushing a squeaky cart through a deserted, dark and smelly store. It’s fairly ransacked but there’s still a good majority of items left untouched. Stiles likes that about scavengers, they only take what they need, only what they can carry. He fills the cart with a few more clothing items for the boys and Derek grabs whatever he wants for himself. Stiles fills the cart primarily with baby items. Bottles, powder formula, cloth diapers, baby powder, soap, clothing. So much clothing. He takes a few baby blankets as well, smiling at them fondly. He piles the cart high with anything and everything that catches his eye. At one point, Derek wants to tell him to stop because he doesn’t think the truck can fit that much stuff, but Stiles assures him that it will. He gets Derek to fill another cart with what’s left of the dish soap and detergents, he instructs Derek to fill the cart with any and all of the remaining soap. 

“And fabric softener.” Stiles shouts.

“We don’t even have a functional washer.” Derek reminds Stiles.

“Oh! That reminds me.” And then the human runs off to collect bins. Plastic storage bins.

“What the hell are those for?” Derek asks.

“We need to soften and wash the wool. You don’t have working washers so this is how we’re gonna go it.” Stiles says firmly, “Now let’s hurry up and get back into the park. I’m starving.”

By the time they get everything into the truck, the sun is high in the sky and they decide to head home. Derek isn’t much of a talker, and he’s perfectly happy to shut up and listen to Stiles’ cds. It’s music he hasn’t heard in years. Stiles drives them out of town, back the way they came and as they’re heading out of town, Stiles visibly relaxes. He’s exhausted, he’s almost forgotten how tiring being in the outside world is. How it feels to always be on edge, always be looking over your shoulder, always be a gun cocked and ready to fire. Heading out of town is nice, they leave everything behind and now they’re cruising through farm land. Then Stiles remembers. 

“We need to make one more stop, alright?” Stiles says. He can see that Derek is about to hit his limit but he can’t focus on that now. He needs a few more things. Derek simply nods and swallows his unhappiness. 

“You can wait here, I’ll be right back,” Stiles says as he puts the truck in park and Wilk jumps out to join his Alpha. They run to the back, towards the stalls and stables. The barn is a mess, barely standing and there’s snow covering everything but then he finds exactly what he’s looking for. The wool carders are rather large and there’s three sets. Stiles can barely contain his happiness when he lays his eyes on them. They’re old but they’ll have to do. He remembers the woman who taught him how to prepare wool. He remembers her carders, how they were worn from years of use but she used them so expertly. Fond memories of that woman fill his head, she was one of only a few who hadn’t tried to kill him through the years. He would have stayed with her too had she nod asked him to leave after a month of staying with her. She knew he was only buying time and that he didn’t really belong there, but she gave him a home for a time and he was grateful for that.

“These’ll work well,” Stiles tells Wilk. He shoves them all in his backpack and on their way out, he sees a saddle. . ., “Didn’t Derek say they had a horse. . .”

Wilk gives a large nod, confirming Stiles’s thoughts. He gives a large grin to the wolf and pulls the saddle off the stand and carries it back to the truck. Derek gives him a look clearly expressing his worry for the human’s sanity.

“You know that horse is wild, it won’t let you touch it let alone ride it.” Derek reminds Stiles.

“I’m pretty good with animals.” Is all Stiles tells him.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Derek sighs. 

Getting back into the park is relatively easy. The afternoon patrol happened to be passing by just as they were driving up and they let their Alpha and the human back into the park, sealing the entrance behind them. Derek has never been so happy to see his home. He’s relaxed fully and is allowing himself to be calm. Stiles is much less tense, absolutely relieved to have made it back in one piece with no complications. He’s never been so grateful. He’s still a little wound up and it’ll take time for him to fully decompress. Derek instructs him to drive to his cabin so they can bring everything in. It attracts a lot of attention when Stiles parks the truck that’s piled high with items. 

“Erica!” Derek shouts for his second. 

“What’s up boss man?” She asks nonchalantly.   
“Go get Marley, Shelly and Terra. Ask them to bring their mates. I also need Jackson and Liam out here. Mira will need to help them.” The Alpha ordered. Erica grins at Stiles in a way that makes him slightly uncomfortable. Derek ignores it and hands the saddle to another wolf, telling him to take it to the livestock barn. 

“Sti!” Before Stiles can turn around, a little six year old with a fox fur hood jumps into Stiles’ arms, effectively stunning the human. 

“Hey, kid.” Stiles says breathlessly, “where’s your brother?”

“He’s helping mommy in the garden,” Liam says with a bright smile. The little boy is only wearing his ruddy jeans and the thermal top that Stiles had given him. 

“Why don’t you try on some clothes for me?” Stiles asks the boy, digging in one of the backpacks and hands him a black snow jacket. 

“Sweet!” The boy squeals. He hops on the tailgate and lets Stiles help him put on the jacket. It’s a little big but Liam is well covered and he’s happy. He jumps on the gate and hugs the human around his neck tightly, “Thank you so much!” 

“You’re welcome little man. I got you and Jackson a bunch of clothes so you’ll always be warm. And, I found a bunch of comic books for you to read.”

“I can’t read. . .” Liam says shamefully.

“What?” Stiles almost glares at Derek for not seeing to the boy’s education, “That’s okay, Li. I can teach you if you want.”

“Yeah!” He says excitedly, “We can read these together!”

“Sure thing, buddy.” Stiles chuckles at the little boy. 

“Jacks!” Liam shouts, pointing to his little brother, “Look what Stiles brought me!” 

“Cool, Li. What’d ya bring me?” Jackson says hopefully. 

“I got you a jacket too and some new clothes. I found comic book too, we can read them together if you want.” Stiles says to the boys.

“Sweet! I’ve never seen a comic book before.” Jackson says. Stiles hands him the jacket that is supposed to fit the boy and Jackson very happily pulled on the dark blue jacket, “This is really nice, Stiles, thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Mira watches her boys hugging the human, the man who went out into the outside world because her sons needed clothes. He didn’t have the risk his own life to provide these things for two pups who aren’t even his. 

“You two need to help your mother carry all these bags to your cabin,” Stiles says, putting a few bags in Liam’s arms, then Jackson’s, “They’re all clothes, some of them are bigger for when the boys grow up. You guys can look through everything.”

“Thank you so much, Stiles.” Mira says. Like a true mother, she’s moved by all the stuff Stiles has done for her children. Stiles just nods and smiles at her.

“Alright, we’re here,” A heavily pregnant woman approaches with two others in different stages in their pregnancies, their men trail behind them with equally tired faces. 

“Stiles and I were out of the park today and he got a bunch of baby stuff for the three of you to split up.” Derek tells them.

“I have two cribs and a bassinet, I can always try and make another crib. . .I’m not much of a carpenter but-” Stiles didn’t get the time to finish what he was saying because before he could finish, the three pregnant wolves rushed him and hugged him fiercely making the human turn stiff immediately. 

“It’s more than we had,” The first woman says, her blue eyes shine with tears, “Thank you so much. . .without this we wouldn’t have anything to dress them in, the three of us suck at sewing.”

“We can’t tell you what this means to us,” The littlest woman says smiling at Stiles gratefully, “Thank you.”

Stiles nods, stunned by the affection he’s been shown and he can feel warmth in his heart spreading. He feels like a pilot light had been lit by the pups and now these women only seem to stoke the fire, warming his insides and making him feel like he is in fact, welcome. Like he could be.  . .family. Stiles would be lying if he said he didn’t feel. . .hopeful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long, let me know what you think!


	11. Fly By Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is the animal whisperer! I hope this chapter isn't too corny, let me know if it is and I'll dial it back

_**Stiles POV** _

It’s snowing constantly now. We had a short reprieve from the never ending snow a few days ago but it’s back to a light dusting of ice. It’s not that bad, really, I guess it’s better than if it were storming. I’ve been here about two weeks and have been working nonstop on cleaning and softening the wool with little breaks of returning to my cabin to put more wood on the smoker for the furs to continue tanning. Jackson and Liam help me with the wool more often than not, sometimes a few of Derek’s betas will walk into the room I’m washing and drying the piles of wool and they’ll listen to my lessons on how to treat this crap. I haven’t seen Derek in a few days and I can’t say I’m not grateful for that. It’s a little nerve wracking being in the man’s presence. 

But here I am, finally sitting down to turn the wool into yarn. I hand spun a lead, loaded up the spindle, got a comfy chair and my music all set up so I could sit for a few hours and spin and I’m all set to go. I made a drive band from some chord I had laying around and when I press on the treadles, it holds up fairly well. Gray lays beside me on a few pillows, watching me with careful eyes. It takes me a few minutes to get into the spin of things- ha, get it? Spin of things? I giggle to myself, again, no one is here to laugh at my jokes. A pitty, really. The wool that I’m spinning now is soft and smells good, thanks to the fabric softener and extensive cleaning. It’ll make nice yard and eventually, nice scarves or blankets or whatever I want to make. At some point, I zone out and I’m not even paying attention to my own movements. It’s not until someone walks into the room that I’m brought out of my work.

“Sti!” Liam shouts, breaking the peaceful silence in the room. He’s wearing all new clothing, something I’m happy to see.

“Hi, Li, shouldn’t you be helping your mom?” I asked him lightly. The little boy smiles up at me and fiddles with some wool in the basket by my feet.

“I asked her if I could help you today,” Liam explains, “She said ya and now I’m here!”

“Thanks, Liam, why don’t you keep carding more of the dry wool for me?” I asked him. The thing I love about little kids is that they’re always excited to do the mundane tasks. He practically leapt towards the carders and took his seat in the chair next to me. It didn’t take long to show him what to do, the kid picked it up quickly and is pretty damn good at carding the wool. He likes sitting with me, listening to music and talking. He  _ loves  _ talking. 

“Who’s your favorite superhero?” He asks me, he’s asked me the same question at least five times before.

“Batman, hands down.” I answer.

“Why?” 

“Cuz he’s the best! He’s rich, he’s smart, a martial arts master, he is super popular with the ladies and he’s just a really really cool character,” I could probably go into a deep, extremely long tangent about Batman but I know Liam wouldn’t understand much of what I tell him. Especially since he’s only just begun to learn about Batman through the comic books I read to him and by my own retellings. He loves bedtime stories and he’s insisted on me telling him stories about Batman and all the other superheroes for the past few nights. This kid has weaseled his way into my heart with little to no effort. Him and Jackson both. 

“Will you knit me a scarf?” He asks me hopefully. His crystal blue eyes seem massive as he gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen.

“Sure, kid.” I smile at him, “I’ll make you whatever you want.”

“You’re the best,” He gushes at me.

And for the next several hours, he sits carding through wool while I spin on the wheel, filling several dowels of yarn and rolling them into balls. By nightfall, there were 26 balls of yarn. Just from one fleece. It’s pretty typical with each fleece being around seven pounds. There’s still three more fleces that are ready and waiting to be spun with at least another twenty piles of them waiting to be cleaned. It’s a shit ton load of work I have to do but I think once I start teaching people how to spin I won’t have so much to do. I don’t wanna be spinning all this for the rest of my life. Liam watched me spinning and I even let him try to do some on his own and he did it all on his own. 

“Nice work, kid, you’re officially the first pack member to know how to spin wool.” I smile at Liam.

“Can we go read comic books now?” He asks.

“Why don’t we go see what’s happening for dinner? Then tonight I’ll bring a comic book over to your cabin and read it to you before bed.” I propose to the little boy.

“Yeah!” He says. After he helps me clean up the room, I grab the basket of yarn balls and place it on my hip.

It’s safe to say that the wolves have even warmed up to the boys. Wilk adores Jackson, their personalities are so similar that it’s really no wonder that they form a bond. Whenever he’s not running around, him and Jackson can often be seen lying together, Jackson will read to the massive wolf and Wilk will curl around the little boy as if to shield him from the world. It’s pretty damn cute if I do say so myself. Of course Gray and Fenris love playing with Liam, the little boy is the perfect size to be carried around on their backs and it’s so unbelievably adorable when Liam rides Gray like a horse. Just like he’s doing now. His little hand reaches out for mine and I hold his hand as he grips Gray’s fur in his other hand. Gray adores the little boy too much to growl at him when he climbs on her. I’ve never been so happy to have three docile wolves in my company. We head out towards the icey commons area where dinner is being served to everyone and when we’re spotted coming out of the lodge, there are fond smiles on most faces. Mira is just returning from the gardens with Jackson and when she sees her baby riding a wolf, all she can do is chuckle. It had made her terribly nervous at first but after being assured by both myself and Liam that nothing bad would happen, she grew accustomed to her boys playing with the wolves. 

“Stiles!” Scott grabs my attention, the massive puppy runs over to me, greeting Liam quickly before turning back to me, “Come and eat, I wanna ask you my daily question.”

“Alright, alright just let me get my food first.” I say gruffly. 

This guy is gonna drive me nuts with all these questions. Although, I never really do a good job answering them. If he asks me a question about my past or anything remotely related to it, my answers are vague and open far more questions than they answer and I can tell he gets very frustrated when I do that but he’s put up with it so far. He’s been pretty good about backing off when he can tell that I’m upset, though. Mira takes Liam off my hands and lets me go off to join Scott and the others. Erica and Boyd are cozied up by the fire and so are the majority of the adult members of the pack. I can see Terra and her mate sitting together, she’s only six months pregnant and isn’t too big yet, but she’s curled up in a blanket with her mate wrapped around her and I can tell that they’re happy. She’s been really nice with me, talking and carding wool every other day. Shelly is heavily pregnant, any day now she’s due to pop and she doesn’t go out too often, she’s sitting with her mate by the fire, very irritably eating her dinner. She must not have had a good day. Marley is only a few months pregnant, barely noticeable and she’s relatively housebound considering how she still gets sick frequently. But tonight, she’s out with the pack, eating some soup slowly. Poor thing. And last but not least, Derek. The mighty Alpha is sitting next to Erica and Boyd, eating his dinner and minding his own business, giving me sideways glances every once and awhile as if to make sure I’m still here.  

“Alright, what’s your question?” I ask grumpily as I shovel the rest of my dinner into my mouth.

“What were you before the outbreak?” He asks hopefully. And just like that, all the chatter going on around us comes to a stop. The silence is uncomfortable and all that can be heard is the cracking of the fire. Everyone is looking at me as if I’m just about to explode. Scott looks conflicted. Like he’s not sure if he should have asked that question or not. But I laugh, taking everyone by surprise.

“I was FBI after I was discharged,” I smile fondly, “I graduated early from college before I was twenty one. I was top of my class. Then I spent a few years in Iraq.”

“What’s that?” Jackson asks, the boys now gather around me, bowls of fruit in the hands. Liam makes grabby hands for me so I lift him into my lap and settle him against my chest.

“It means I was a soldier. Like Captain America.  I trained with the Navy Seals before being sent to Iraq where I did two tours before being honorably discharged.” I smile at the memories of my life before this whole shit show. It’s good to remember, it’s been a long time since I thought about it, “I was Seal Team 7. I was shot in a firefight in a small village, nearly bled out then and there but my buddies managed to stem the bleeding and got me airlifted out. They sent me home to get better, I was discharged and I went back to what I was gonna be originally.” 

“That’s really impressive, Stiles.” Erica says, a genuine smile on her face makes me relax, “It explains why you’re so badass.”

I laughed, “It was. . .a lot of it was bloody and dark but the guys I was fighting with. . .they made it all worth it. I was a part of a team and we were all really close. We went through a lot of crap together and we got each other out of plenty shitty situations.” I sigh, “I don’t know what happened to any of them. They were stuck over in Iraq when communications dropped and airplanes were grounded. For all I know, they’re all dead now.”

“What made you want to be a Seal?” Boyd asked curiously.

“I didn’t at first. I wanted to be FBI. Be a special investigator. But I had some friends who were training to be officers in the Navy and I liked what they were doing. I felt called to it,” I say, “I wanted to serve my country. My dad was pissed but. . .he was really proud of me. When I came home and healed, I went into the FBI. Then the apocalypse happened.”

I shrugged. The pack are all relaxing and listening to me tell them about my past. It’s been so long since I even thought about it. To be honest, thinking about my past and the shittiness of the present just doesn’t sit well in my stomach. It feels like combining the two emotions would only hurt and insult my memory. And it makes me wonder where everyone ended up. Makes me sad to think about the friends I once had and won’t see ever again. 

“I was pretty scrawny too, I didn’t think I’d ever get past BUD/S. It was hell but I bulked up.” I laughed, thinking about all the times I felt like I was dying. Ironic, really, “Best time of my life, really.”

“That’s cooler than any of our jobs.” Isaac chuckled.

“Did you get any medals?” Erica asked excitedly.

“I was supposed to get a purple heart but then the apocalypse happened. I was approved and everything.” I sighed, “I guess it doesn’t really matter now. I still have all my patches, though. I was fairly well decorated but it wasn’t in long enough to climb the rankings.”

“Bet you looked hot in a uniform.” Erica grins at me. I have expected Boyd to do something about that but he just rolled his eyes and nudged her gently.

“I kept my fatigues. Some of my gear too. I wear them on occasion, they’re the only clothes I have that held up for years and still look good. My boots were ruined a few years ago but I have everything else. I left my formal uniform in my house. It’s probably still there unless the house burnt down. I wish I could have brought them with me but. . .” I sighed, “Probably for the best. I didn’t want them to be ruined or lost or. . .”

“I wanna see you in uniform!” Liam says excitedly, “I bet you look like a superhero!”

I laughed, “I look like a soldier, kid.”

“Same thing.” Erica points out.

“Wish I coulda kept the vest but. . . once you’re out of a warzone you don’t exactly need one anymore,” I ran my three fingers through my hair, bringing people’s attention to my two missing digits. 

“Woah. . .what happened to your fingers?” Liam squealed, he gripped my hand in his little fists, barely daring to touch the rough skin covering my knuckles. 

“Liam-” Mira chastised. 

“It’s okay,” I chuckled, “I ran into a nasty girl in Michigan who thought it would be a good idea to cross me.”

“What happened to her?” Jackson asked, his little eyes wide.

“I killed her.” I say bluntly. Mira gasps and her body goes rigid. As does Liam’s. Fuck. I forget I can’t just tell people that. 

“W-why?” Liam asked timidly.

“Well, she was crazy. And she wanted me to marry her but I didn’t want to. She did a lot of really bad stuff to me and my wolves. She tried to kill them but I stopped her and she ended up dying. Lost two fingers in the process,” I say calmly, “Maybe I’ll tell you more about it but you have to be a lot older. It’s a good lesson in trusting your instincts.”

“Well-” Mira interrupts, “I think it’s time for bed. Come on, Liam, Jackson. Let’s go.”

“Aw but mom-” Liam starts whining.

“Nope, let’s go little man.” She says, pulling him off my lap.

“But Stiles is supposed to read me a comic book tonight!” He squeaks.

“He’ll have to do it another night,” Mira says, “He probably wants a kid free night for once.”

“I’ll see you around, Li.” The kid look utterly betrayed, “Mom’s the boss.”

He looks like he’s about to burst into tears but Mira quickly scoops him up and whisks him away with a sad looking Jackson. Sure, I’m sad I don’t get to read to them tonight, I enjoy sitting with them and reading just as much as the boys love listening to the stories. The boys don’t seem too upset by my story but Mira sure as hell is. But I guess that’s what I get for sharing. Lesson learned. The rest of the pack sit awkwardly, trying to ignore what just happened. Some of them look at me reproachfully, others are more guarded like they’ve just been reminded that I’m dangerous. Because I am. And I guess. . .it’s good that they understand that more now. They would probably kill or exile me if they knew everything I’ve done. 

“Well. . .me and my big mouth are gonna. . .go sit in my cabin and knit for the night,” I grunted, standing to my feet with the basket of skeins by my side, “Night, everyone. Good question, Scotty.” 

The wolf regarded me with a sad smile and let me walk back to my cabin. I whistled for my wolves and they came running, following me back inside the warmth and temporary safety of our borrowed home. The wolves lay themselves on their bed, curling into a large puppy pile that will inevitably move to my bed. Wilk wines at me in a huff.

“I know, I know. I overshared.” I say angrily, “Loose lips sink ships and I think I may have poked a hole in our boat.”

Wilk nodded his head in agreement but Gray whines.

“I know that but they don’t know what happened. They don’t know all the shit she did to me or to you.” I grunt, “I don’t want them too, either. I can’t share with these people. I shouldn’t. . .I’m too new, they don’t know me well enough to know I don’t just kill anyone I want, whenever I want.” 

I put the kettle on my small stove and boiled some water. Mira’s herb garden is pretty great and her flower gardens are awesome too. I collected some wonderful smelling hibiscus flowers and mint leaves. She had her mint planted in the ground with all her other stuff. I was quick to correct her. Mint is super invasive and it should be kept in a container rather than with the rest of your garden. She was very receptive to all my suggestions and it seemed like she was fairly warmed up to me. Tonight I’m pretty sure I just took three steps back after managing four steps forward. I had also harvested some cherries and blueberries to make  dye for the yarn. I want to make baby caps for the pups when they’re born, pink and blue would be pretty cute. They’ll need warm clothes. But for now, I’ll knit the caps and dye them later.

The wolves lay by me while I knit away. I’ve started on the caps with my recently aquired circular knitting needle and sip on the tea I made. It’s sweet and oh so minty. 

“Yup, this really is the life.” I sighed, “Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.”

They yip in understanding and just enjoy the warmth of the cabin and the peace of the moment. I desperately wish I coulda brought my DVD player from the camper. I bet it’s still there. . .I don’t want to take the truck though. It would attract too much attention. I did get a saddle. . .

Oh this is such a bad idea. I know it is, why don’t I stop myself? Because it’ll be fun. . .so much fun. The moon is far overhead and the pack are all in their cabins sleeping peacefully. I was knitting for long enough to finish a few caps. It’s probably really late. The beaver fur that the wolves brought me two weeks ago had been finished only a day or two ago and I had sewn it into a new hood for myself and it’s pretty damn awesome. I can’t wait to line it with wool. It’s gonna keep me so warm. I slip it over my head and skulk over to the horse’s stall with my backpack thrown over my shoulder and my elk fur in my arms. 

This is the first time I’ll be seeing the horse, this is so fucking exciting! The wolves are rigid and worries, obviously they’ve picked up on my crazy idea. The horse is massive. A large, fully grown chestnut brown stallion. It’s black mane is long and his tail swishes back and forth angrily. The horse hasn’t become any less aggressive since it’s time in captivity with Derek’s pack. He trots around his enclosure, throwing his body around in a flurry of angry movement. He’s desperate to get out of the cage and I know exactly how he feels. I’m sure if he was given the chance, he would run for miles, right out of the park and into open land. He doesn’t startle at the sight of me or my wolves. Rather, he stops his movement all together and looks at me, his dark eye are cold and calculating. 

“I know that look,” I whisper to him, “That look of quiet rebellion. You’re monumentally pissed that these wolves have kept you in so long. I’m sure they’ve even tried to break you. Probably even many times. But none of these idiots know what they’re doing. None of them know that you’re wild, you’re not meant to be locked behind bars, in a cage that keeps you from running from being  _ free.  _ I’m sure they’ve tried anything under the sun to make a bond with you.”

The Stallion looks at me like I’m crazy. It’s the same look that I get from the wolves frequently. But he’s still, and he’s not defensive. He’s. . .listening, I think.

“I know what it’s like to be held against your will. To be. . .captive. Believe me I know what it’s like to want nothing more than to  _ run  _ as far and as fast as my legs could take me. I don’t know why they kept you, honestly, they’re fast enough to not even need a horse to get them anywhere.” I sigh, “They’re keeping you despite not needing you here. It’s like you’re their entertainment, their challenge. I know what that’s like too. That’s how I feel the majority of the time I’m here. I will not keep you captive. I will not keep you here against your will longer than necessary. But I will tell you this, I haven’t seen a wild herd of horses in Wyoming since I’ve been here and I would assume that they’re either long gone or they’re all dead and you’re the last one. Again, I can relate in both scenarios. You have nowhere to go, no home, no family. Not anymore. That’s yet another thing we have in common.”

He huffs indignantly, stomping on the ground powerfully. Like he’s telling me that he already knows as much.

“Here you have a warm place to stay. Somewhere with food and water. Somewhere you can be safe. It’s a lot harsher out there in the world now than it ever has been. But I won’t keep you here if that’s not what you wish. So I’ll extend the same option to you that has been given to me. I’m going to open that gate. You’re welcome to split town and never come back but I warn you, you won’t make it out there for long. Or. . .I can open that gate. . .you and me take a run down to my old camper and come back here. During the day I’ll let you out and you can run as far and as free as you want. But come back at the end of the day. Come back and if you wish it, I will be your rider.” 

The horse goes still, as if contemplating his choices, weighing the options. And when I go to the gate door that’s his one obstacle, I drop the chains and open the door, releasing the horse. He doesn’t even wait till I have it all the way open before bolting out of the enclosure, sprinting away from me. 

“Well that’s a disappointment.” I sigh irritably, “Oh well, he didn’t belong in a cage anyways.”

I was just about to pack up and return to my cabin to sleep when I heard a deep neigh and when I turn, there’s the stallion, trotting up to me. The massive wild thing stops just in front of me, clomping in the snow.

“Didn’t think you’d be back,” His hot breath blows in my face and I know he’s acknowledged me, “You gonna be able to handle a saddle and bit?” 

The horse huffs again in irritation, but he nods in consent and follows me back into the barn. I lay the elk fur over his back and strap on the saddle over it, gently putting the bit in his waiting mouth and laying the reigns over the horn. I give the stallion a moment to adjust to the feeling of the saddle, something he’s never felt before. 

“Alright big guy, let’s just, take this easy and we’ll be alright.” I say gently, my heart is pounding in excitement and the wolves mirror my nervousness as I mount the Stallion and settle into the saddle. Once I’m all set with the reigns in my hands, I sigh in relief and brace myself, “Okay, let’s just take it slow for a minute-”

The damn horse takes off like a bolt of lightning, effectively knocking the wind out of me and made me squeak like a little girl. I regain my bearings quickly and gently tug on the reigns in the direction I want him to go. My wolves howl in excitement when I shout into the night.

“Yeah!” I laugh brilliantly, “Let’s see how fast you can run.” I shout to the great beast and he happily speeds up, running as fast as he can into the night. His powerful body thrums with life, propelling us through the darkness. The wolves are sprinting behind us, a fet feet behind. I laugh almost maniacally.

I may not have tamed him completely, but we have an understanding. And our mutual feelings towards the world around us seem to connect us and I can bet that after enough time, this beast will trust me as I will trust him and we’ll be connected just as I am with the wolves. The Stallion and I riding together, wind streaming past us as we fly, feels like I’ve been set free just like he has. . . it feels like we’re safe, free and. . .alive. I could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted Stiles to do something different, I wanted him to be a little different and it may have been a little OOC but that's okay, I think. I really think it adds a little more dept to his character in this fic and spices things up a bit. I hope I got it right, though, I did the best with the sources I read and researched.   
> BTW Mint is really invasive. Just a fun fact.


	12. Born To Die

_**Derek POV** _

Well. Dinner could have gone better. But all in all, it was a fairly productive evening. Not only did I get a very good explanation for the majority of Stiles’ behaviour and personality, I actually got to see the damn human smile a genuine smile. Granted, the little slip of the tongue about his. . .rather unsavory past experiences was a major turnoff to the pack. The majority of which questioned me as to why I let him remain in the park. And I told them exactly why. Because Stiles went through hell to get here and we can’t judge him on his will to survive. So I retired for the night in hopes that the rest of my betas would understand. I didn’t sleep. As I’m sure Stiles isn’t. I was about to go and see him when I heard his loud laughter and howling. What the hell? Then I see it. . .Stiles is riding that wild animal at an incredible speed. He actually got on the horse without being killed. 

I shouldn’t be surprised. Stiles was always an odd one and now I’m just seeing another example. I just can’t believe . . .wow. I guess I’ll just have to hope he makes it back in one piece. God that man is gonna kill himself one day. But Christ is he fearless. This man is everything I could possibly hope for in a beta and more. 

“You know, if you want to make a move, you gotta spend more time with him.” Erica’s voice shatters the peace.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say as convincingly as I can. Damn my heart for giving me away. 

“Yeah, sure, big man. And I’m the Queen of England.” She says sarcastically, “I know you’ve been making rounds around his cabin late at night and actively avoiding him during the day. It’s really pitiful, frankly, and I can’t do much more of this unresolved sexual tension that radiates off of ya like heat off a stove.”

“Erica he doesn’t even feel that way towards me.” I remind her tiredly.

“Come on, Der, you know that’s not true, that man smells like five kinds of sweet and sexy when you’re around. He’s attracted to you, Derbear. And that’s your way into his heart.” She says devilishly. 

“No, Erica, you’re not allowed to play matchmaker. I know that look and you can’t do that with Stiles.” I say firmly.

“Der, you could be so good together. He needs someone like you and you need someone like him.” She argues, “This is a match made in heaven and if you don’t somehow think that after all this time of being alone. . .just sitting and living out your life without a mate and all of a sudden, a potential mate just drops right out of the fucking sky isn’t a sign you’re meant to see this through. . .then I have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing with your life.”

“Erica, just because I can tell he’s a potential mate doesn’t mean he can. Humans don’t think like that.” I tell her.

“I know that, Derek. I’m just saying that he’s no ordinary human. He feels something for you, I know it. You need to see where these feelings take you.” Erica pushes, “Don’t you want to be happy too? Don’t you want to find your mate?”

“You know I do, Erica. But I can’t push him. I can’t scare him away.” I sigh, completely defeated. I know she’s right, I need to see where my feelings land me but I really don’t want Stiles to feel spooked and split town. Nothing would ever be the same again.

“Fear is going to get you nowhere, Derek, and I guarantee you that Stiles will be more than receptive to your advances.” Erica smirked, “Now I’m going to go make love to my mate, something that you could be doing if you just get your butt in gear.”

I rolled my eyes and watched her saunter off towards her cabin. She really doesn’t need to share that shit. But I know she’s right, if I just talk to Stiles, spend more time with him and show him that I’m. . .that I’m. . .I don’t know. I’ll show him that I’m something. I can  _ be  _ something to him.  _ Do _ somethings to him. . .

Great. Now I’m thinking like Erica.

I really can’t go down that alley, though because now I’m thinking about those lips and those fingers. . .and those eyes.  _ God  _ and that mouth. Imagine his body, firm and toned sliding against mine. I wanna see that body. . .I want to count the scars. I want to lick every single one of his scars and listen as his smooth voice whispers to me how he got them. I want to see the roughness, the wildness that is Stiles and I want to spend hours worshipping that roughness. 

_ God damnit.  _ Now I have a bigger issue. I’ll deal with that later.

I want to hold him too. I want him to unburden himself and let me carry some of his baggage. I want to show him that he’s not the only one who’s damaged, that he’s not broken beyond repair. That he doesn’t need to be wild. He doesn’t need to be so guarded. I want him to open himself to me as I will to him. For now I’ll have to be satisfied with the memory of him. I’ll have to be satisfied with the hope that follows his memory.

 

. . .

There he goes. . .walking from the lodge back to his chair by the bonfire with his knitting in hand. Fenris by his side. He’s just returned from rotating the fleece and now he’s going to sit and relax by the fire. It’s not snowing today at all and the sun is bright overhead. No doubt he found that it is much too beautiful out to be holled up inside. So he sits and sighs, content to sit in the peace. Now’s my chance to sit with him, to speak with him. So I make two cups of hot mint tea and take it out to the human.

“Want some company?” I ask him. He eyes me carefully, unsure of my motives but when he smells the tea, he nods and eagerly takes the hot mug from my hand. 

“What’s up, oh mighty Alpha?” he asks. 

“Just thought I could sit out with you,” I shrugged nonchalantly, “What are you working on?”

“I finished the caps I was making for the babies once they're born,” He sighs, “Now I’m just working on making some scarves.”

“You made caps for the pups?” I asked, shocked at the man’s thoughtfulness.

“Yeah. . .I thought it might be nice to have something homemade for them. . .Unless it’s too presumptuous. . .I totally get it-”

“No, it’s really nice of you, they’ll love it,” I assure him, “Terra especially, she’s a sucker for this kinda stuff. She still has the knitted blanket her grandma made her when she was young.”

“I just wasn’t too sure if they would want anything from me. Especially after last night. . .” His voice softens a little as he sips on the tea. He visibly relaxes and breathes in the aromatic scent of mint.

“They’re cautious but you can’t blame them. But you should also know that no one here could understand what’s happened to you. From what we know about you, you wouldn’t have killed someone lightly,” I tell him. His amber eyes bore deeply into me and for a moment I’m lost. I’ve never seen eyes so. . .so bright. So warm. Like dark whiskey and I’m drunk on it.

“I’ve done some pretty bad shit, Derek.” He says bluntly, but unapologetic.

“I don’t doubt it. But I also won’t judge you for any of it. I won’t judge you for surviving.” I tell him honestly. He definitely wasn’t expecting that from me, “I see that you actually got that horse to be calm. I still can’t believe he actually let you ride him.”

“Oh, Argo? Yeah he’s pretty amaz-”

“Argo? You named him?” I ask astonishedly. 

“Well he approved of the name. Took at least an hour of throwing out names but he chose Argo.” Stiles shrugged like it was nothing.

“Isn’t Argo the horse from Xena: Warrior-”

“Princess, yeah. I’m surprised you knew that.” Stiles grins at me. Good, he’s calm. . .relaxed around me.

“I had two sisters. They loved Xena.” I chuckled. He doesn’t comment on the way I said  _ had _ . Like he understands exactly what I said and the feeling behind it.

“My dad used to watch reruns of Xena with me. But he prefered Hercules,” Stiles smiled a small smile, “Argo is just. . .misunderstood. He was pent up and I set him free. It’s not that hard to bond with an animal.”

“I beg to differ. That horse has been just as stubborn as the rest of us. We had him for a while and could never gain an inch of trust. Then you show up and he takes an instant liking to you. It’s uncanny really, he’s just as enamored with you as the rest of us.” I laugh dryly.

“I’m a pretty interesting guy I guess.” He chuckles, “He just wants to be free.”

“I guess you relate to him in that respect.” I say, giving him a knowing look.

“Yeah. . .” He says awkwardly, “Actually, I have something I wanna give you.”

He wants to give me something? He digs around in his basket and pulls out a folded scarf. It’s white but it’s thick and long, it looks exceptionally warm and soft. He puts it in my hand and looks at me with. . .dare I say. . .hope?

“You made this?” I say in wonder as I wrap it around my neck. It’s so fucking soft and warm. Hot  _ damn  _ Stiles is weaseling his way into my heart quick.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged like it’s nothing, “You never wear too much and it’s freezing so I thought. . .is it okay?”

“More than okay,” I say warmly, “This is pretty amazing, Stiles, thank you.”

He smiles at me warmly and it does something to me. I got exactly as I wanted, him to smile at me, to look at me. He’s making an effort, I can tell, that he’s trying to be a part of the community, trying to be good to us. I wish I could do more for him, I wish I could make him something like this, something to show him that he’s appreciated.

“Good,” He chuckles, “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it.” He tries to hide his smile from me but I can see the corners of his mouth lifting and a light blush dust his cheeks. 

We sit in silence, comfortable silence as he continues to knit a new scarf. His deft fingers working away. It’s incredibly calming, listening to the fire crackle and Stiles’ knitting needles clacking. My fingers grip the mug in my hand and fiddle with the material of the scarf that’s wrapped snuggly around my neck. The peace lasts about two more hours before Shelly’s mate comes running out towards us. He’s flushed and in a state of panic.

“Shelly’s in labor!” He shouts almost hysterically.

“Shit-” I gasp out, “Alright. It’s show time, Ken. Where’s Mira?”

“She’s with Shelly now,” Ken, Shelly’s mate says hurriedly, “What do we do, Alpha?”

“Go be with your mate, Mira knows what she’s doing.” I assured him, “We’ll be standing by for anything you need.”

Ken nods and seems like he’s been calmed down sufficiently. He rushes off towards his cabin where his mate is and Stiles is eyeing me carefully.

“Mira was a nurse.” I explain, “She can handle it.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Stiles tells me, “She’s just gone into labor, it’ll be a while before the kid is here.”  I nod in understanding and watch as Stiles sighs, sits back and tries to ignore his anxiety. But I can smell it on him. He’s anxious. 

“You okay?” I ask cautiously.

“Yeah. . .just. It’s been awhile since I’ve been near pregnant people. The emotions carry.” He sighed, “I’ve delivered a few kids before and each time it’s. . .”

“You’ve delivered babies?” I asked astonished, “Is there anything you don’t do?”

He laughed lightly, “Not much. I get around.” His eyes spark with something akin to hope, “Hey, I have an idea, maybe you can help?”

“What do you have in mind?” I ask curiously.

“Just an old doula trick I picked up. We’ve gotta get to the gardens though,” He said. I gave a quick nod and follow him to the gardens and watch him eyeing the different plants with deep contemplation, “Werewolves are sensitive to scents, right?” 

He walks about the different flower beds and plucks a cluster of lavender and clove, handing them to me to hold. The scents fill my nose and it’s so pleasant I’m almost instantly relaxed. I’ve always loved the scent of lavender. Then he picks two lemons and a few sprigs of mint. Lastly, he pulls a bunch of leaves from the raspberry plant.  He moves quickly and brings me back to his cabin where he tosses the herbs into a small bag and grins at me, tossing his backpack over his shoulder.

“We’ve gotta get to my camper so I can use my oven. Unless you have a gas powered oven here?” He asks me.

“There’s one in my cabin.” I say quickly and lead him back to my home. Having Stiles inside my cabin, his scent quickly makes its way through the small cabin and I think I might spontaneously combust. 

He asks for a pan and I give him one. He asks for more tea while we wait for the herbs to dry out in the oven and I give it to him. 

“So what’s all that stuff for?” I ask him.

“I’m gonna make Shelly some tea. Raspberry leaf tea is good for helping to ease labor pain and helps with milk production. Lavender is calming and can work wonders on your nerves. The mint helps with easing stomach pain and is another herb that’s good for labor pains.” He says casually, “The lemon. . .well that’s just for taste. But it can also help to replenish some of the antioxidants her body needs and get rid of bad stuff in her system.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked him. 

“I spent some time in Sioux Falls before I came here. There was a really nice community there and they had a really awesome doula who showed me a bunch of stuff.” He replies, “I almost stayed there it was really nice.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked. It finally dawns on me just how close I came to not meeting Stiles. On many occasions. If just one of his altercations ended badly, he would be dead and we wouldn’t have met. Or if he had come across a community that’s well off and seemed welcoming enough, he would have settled down.

“It was an awesome place to stay for a while and heal but. . .I don’t know. It just didn’t feel like my journey was over. It didn’t feel like home to me.” He shrugged, “I was looking for home.”

“Did you find it?” 

He doesn’t answer immediately. He looks at me intently, as if analyzing anything and everything about me. His intelligent brown eyes look at me so deeply. I feel like I’m being picked apart. 

“I don’t know. . .” He replies, “I’ve got a good feeling, though.”

A hesitant grin spreads across my face. That’s all I really need to know that he wants to stay, that he thinks this could be his home.

“This is definitely the longest I’ve ever stayed in one place,” He chuckled.

“I’m glad you stayed.” I say bluntly.

“So far. . .I am too.” He says honestly.

Once the herbs are dry enough to Stiles’ satisfaction, he shows me how he pulls the leaves apart and crushes them. Then the lavender and puts them in the kettle with some water and boils them. He adds in some lemon and when he taste tests it, he gives a deep, throaty groan of satisfaction.

“Alright, I think this is ready. Let’s go take this over to them.” He says. I nod and show him the way to Shelly and Ken’s cabin. There are a few wolves just leaving the cabin as we enter. Inside the cabin, Shelly is curled up as comfortably as she can be, tears streaming down her cheek and Mira clutching her hand tightly. Ken is pacing and the smell of pain and anxiety almost knocks me on my ass.

“How’s it going in here?” I ask them. Bad question because just as soon as I ask I’m greeted by twin glares from the women on the bed.

“How the fuck does it look like it’s going?” Shelly grounds out.

“She’s going pretty fast. She’s already four centimeters dilated.” Mira says. 

“I uh- I made you some tea that will help with the pain,” Stiles says. He’s timid, not wanting to be growled at by a very upset and hurting werewolf. But Shelly sniffs the air and nods eagerly.

“I’ll try anything.” She huffs. Ken runs to fets a mug and strainer. When the tea is poured, Shelly happily takes a little sip of it and relaxes immediately, “It’s really good, thank you.”

“What did you put in it?” Mira asks Stiles.

“It’s raspberry leaf, mint and lavender tea. With some lemon.” Stiles tells her, “I picked up a few tricks from a doula a while back. I’ve never delivered a werewolf baby but if it’s anything like a human pregnancy. . .it isn’t fun.” Stiles says, “Oh and I have one more thing for you. . .”

He pulls a small cap out of his backpack. The little wool baby cap looks soft and sweet in such rough and calloused hands. He gives it to Shelly and lets her inspect it.

“Once you find out what gender the pup is, I have another cap that I’ll dye for you. Blue or pink. . .and I have so much yarn that I thought I could maybe knit your kid a blanket, I mean, if that’s alri-”

“Thank you,” Shelly says with tears in her eyes, “You’ve done so much for us already and you still want to give us more. . .”

Stiles shrugs like it’s nothing. He shifts awkwardly on his feet and runs his hand through his hair.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” He tells them, “I better go. . .”

He walks out of the cabin, leaving the four of us standing, unsure. This human has been so selfless with us, giving us anything and everything he can. Especially the kids. It makes me wonder if he maybe had kids of his own. Or if he’s always had such a soft spot for children. Or if he would one day want his own children. This man is an enigma, more questions pop up about him every day and I want nothing more than to find the answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My grandmother always says: 'Dale limon' and I swear lemon is a cure all for most ailments.


	13. White Light

_**Stiles POV** _

 

Almost twelve hours later, the entire pack is sitting outside, still waiting for Shelly’s baby to make it’s way into the world. I’m sitting on the porch with Derek by my side, other betas sit by my feet and Liam sits in my lap, watching me knit. He’s tired after a long day of working in the garden with his brother, who is currently laying on Wilk’s belly by my feet. Derek sits calmly, doing his best to ignore Shelly’s pained cries and fiddling with the edges of the scarf I gave him. His eyes look off into the distance in deep contemplation. Everyone is silent. 

It’s almost a little boring, really, but also really sweet. 

You can tell that they’re a really close community, or maybe it’s just a wolf thing, I’m not sure. But I do know that they’re all gathered around to greet their newest member into the pack. It’s sweet. I’m just glad I got here early and got a seat. My ass would be killing me if I had to sit on the floor. I worked quickly and finished another four scarves with my circular knitting needles. I love circular knitting, it’s so much faster and easier this way, I swear. I can knock out a scarf in an hour. I have the boys each a scarf for themselves and gave the last two to Erica and Boyd. I think they really appreciated me thinking about them. 

According to Ken, the tea I made Shelly worked fairly well at relaxing her and easing some of the pain. I’m glad what I could do was helpful. I’m glad that they trust me just a little more. Which is a completely new thing for me. It’s nice to be gaining some of their trust. And now we’re all sitting around, just finished with dinner and all anxiously waiting. Derek made me tea not too long ago which I’m grateful for. I’m freezing out here and no amount of layering seems to keep me warm. But the wolves all run a little hot so they’re not having any issues. Derek has remained with me almost the entire day and it wasn’t altogether unpleasant. He’s really calming to be around. Once you get past the whole . . . ‘murder-brows’ thing. He’s a pretty chill dude. Dare I say. . .I even enjoyed his quiet presence? Yeah. . .holy shit . . .I guess I did. 

That’s new.

It took another hour until I could hear Mira shouting at Shelly to push. Everyone shifted closer to the door, listening as Shelly cursed at her mate, at the world, and scream bloody murder. I’m glad I’m not in there. I definitely don’t miss delivering babies. Mira told her to push once more and then a third time. . .then little cries filled the air. The baby came out screaming. The entire pack breathed a sigh of relief and I could see Derek getting to his feet now, completely rigid and inhaling sharply. After a few minutes, Mira got the baby clean and both parents held the pup. Then Ken stepped out of the cabin and onto the porch with a little bundle in his arms, tightly wrapped up in a thick baby blanket I remember scavenging. A little  _ pink  _ blanket. I grin at the happy dad who presents the pup to the Alpha proudly. Derek takes the pup gently, supporting her head and looking incredibly attractive as he holds the newborn. The kid is still crying shrilly and when Derek flashes his eyes and growls lightly at her, she stops immediately and calms. . . amazing. Derek presses his nose to the baby girl’s tiny body and inhales her scent and rubs his own on her. The Alpha is recognizing the pup as one of his betas. As one of his pack. Everyone is smiling and there are a few tears that could be seen. 

“What’s her name?” Derek asked. 

“We named her after her grandmothers. . .Johanna June,” Ken whispers happily, “But we’re gonna call her JJ.”

“Welcome to the pack, JJ.” Derek says proudly. 

There are little cheers across the entire pack and Ken takes his daughter back. Her little head is covered with the cap I gave them and I don’t know why it makes me feels so. . .warm inside. Mira comes out of the cabin and looks at everyone tiredly, she’s definitely exhausted.

“Alright everyone, you can all visit tomorrow. For now, the new parents need their sleep.” Mira says, “So everyone needs to skedaddle.”

There are a few groans in response but a firm look from Mira had everyone dispersing. 

“Come on, munchkin,” Mira lifted Liam from my lap, “Time for bed, you too Jacks.”

“But mom,” Liam whines tiredly.

“No butts, mister. Say goodbye to Stiles and the wolves.” Mira says in that firm motherly tone.

“Bye-” Liam waves at me tiredly.

“See you guys later.” I smile at them as they’re whisked away by their mother. Mira gives me a shy smile and turns the corner to head off to her cabin. 

“And then there were six.” Erica sighs. Now only Isaac, Scott, Boyd and Derek remain on the porch. Well, us too. Erica and I.

“Let’s move this party to the bonfire.” Scott suggests, “I still have to ask you my daily question.”

I sigh in exasperation, of course he wouldn’t forget for one day. I can’t get out of it, however, because Derek and everyone else are intrigued and also want to know what Scott is going to ask. So we quietly make our way over to the main bonfire and make ourselves comfortable in the camping chairs that sit around the fire.

“Alright, so tonight's question is: What’s the worst scar you have and how did you get it?” 

“That’s two questions.” I pointed out dryly. 

“So answer one of them.” Scott says indignantly.

“I don’t even know which scar to choose. I have a lot of them,” I shrugged. Wilk huffed at me and nudged my hip. 

“Oh come on, it couldn’t be that bad. . . It's not like you're Frankenstein's Monster under all those layers,” Scott says over excitedly. But my hands go still and my breathing becomes labored. Couldn’t be that bad? Couldn’t be that bad. . .

“Scott-” Erica says reprimanding. They give me concerned looks, unsure of what to say to me. But I’m too busy thinking about my own body. If I took off my clothes, I _would_ look like Frankenstein’s monster. All my pieces sewn back together. Can’t he see it on my face alone? I have plenty of scars on my face. 

“I’m sorry. . .that was rude.” Scott says, finally realizing the effect of his words. But I don’t want them to know I hurt. I don’t want them to know how damaged I really am because I need to be strong. I need to show them that I’m not some weakling. So I close off my emotions and sit up straight. Plaster a fake smirk on my face and tell him it’s nothing. I can see Scott trying to visibly backpedal. He knows he fucked up and I can see that he knows something is wrong. 

“It’s hard to choose because they were all pretty bad. Anything on my back though was the worst. Made it hard to run, not to mention I can’t really reach my back so stitches were always hard to put in.” I tell him, “Staples made everything so much easier but they left really bad scars on my legs. When I was attacked they cut all the way to the muscle so staples were better for putting me back together. Or when I was shot, in the thigh by a .45. Hurt like a bitch but it was a clean entry and exit. Eight stitches total, but the skin looks really shitty there. I have a few burn scars too. That was painful. Or the branding. God that hurt. Barely made it out of Texas.” 

I’m surprised at how nonchalant my voice sounds. Like everything that’s hurt me over the past few years was nothing to me. I guess I’d like to think it is. Like it doesn’t matter anymore. And partially, it doesn’t. All the scars I have happened in the past. I’m not going to run into problems anymore. I don’t have people trying to kill me anymore. But what remains from all the attacks? The constant reminders? I hardly look at myself because I know the moment I do, the nightmares are going to come back. But they don’t understand. They don’t understand because they can’t scar. I won’t have the constant reminders of everyone who’s tried to hurt them written on their bodies for everyone to see. But I do. And I can’t get rid of that. I live with the constant pain in my body. The constant ache of all the scars being shifted and irritated and chafed. I live with the constant pain of certain parts of my body shifting that probably shouldn’t, the tightness, the phantom ache of all my injuries. What do they know of being broken and needing to be sewn, stapled and glued together. They don’t know what it’s like to wake up and look at yourself. . .to be reminded of your past. . .of the pain. I. . . 

“Stiles-” Derek tries to stop me. But I’m done. 

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow, I’m beat.” I shake my head, “Night.”

My wolves accompanied me back to the room, they’re bodies press against mine as we walk back. I try to ignore the argument that I could still hear coming from the others as I leave their presence. You’ve been an idiot, Stiles. 

You’re stupid to think that they feel any more than curiosity towards you. So far, all you’ve been is a spectacle. The only human in a werewolf community. I’m like a pet. And my body is just another thing they’re curious about. They want to know how I got all my scars because it’s intriguing. Just another form of entertainment. But I can’t tell them. I can’t tell them what all the scars mean, what some of the words that had been scratched into my body mean, why they’re there. . .I haven’t thought about it in a while. I know they’ll end up seeing all of them, I’m sure. I’m not ashamed of the scars. At least, I try not to be. I can’t help what’s been done to my body. I can’t help that some people are so sadistic that they left proof of it on my body. I can’t help it. . .but I don’t want to explain. I don’t want to think about it all. I don’t want to. 

But I know that the nightmares are going to happen now. Now that I’m fucking thinking about it all. God damnit. I knew these questions would be a bad idea. I knew that I would. . .but shouldn’t I  _ try  _ to open up? Didn’t I already convince myself to try opening up to people? To try and be a part of the community? I can’t shut down every time someone asks me a question or says something I might not like. I need to be better. I need to be stronger. 

“Just don’t think about it.” I tell myself, “Don’t think about it. Fake it till you make it.” Wilk nudged my leg towards the shower, “I stink that bad?” he nods. . .well then.

As much as I want to ignore the reflection staring back at me, against my better judgement, I look in the mirror. From the front. . .it’s not that bad. There aren’t any scars on my chest and my hips have minimal scarring. My arms are another story. There are slashes going up the length of my arm starting at my wrist. Damn cannibals. A bullet wound on my shoulder that’s healed nicely. So I guess my arms aren’t that bad. I’m almost afraid to look at my back. I know I should just make sure nothing is out of place. I turn around hesitantly and see all the damage. With a shaky breath, I take it all in. The lashes from when I was whipped in New Mexico are old scars. They’ve healed over and closed but the puffy scar tissue is red and inflamed from constant rubbing of my clothes. The brand from when I was held captive in Texas sits on my lower back, angry burn marks sit ever so antagonistically on my back. Blow torch scars on my left shoulder blade still hurt when I shift and walk around. And those words. . .the words that bitch carved into my skin. I was so angry that I cut them out. Sliced my own body so I didn’t have to look at the words she put on my body. 

There are only two but they sit side by side and they’re gross as hell. My legs and back are the worst. The bullet wound from Iraq and the wound from the .45. Then the bite marks on my left calf from when I was attacked by guard dogs in New York. I have little cuts in different places that I can’t even remember how I got them. 

“Oh Stiles,” I sigh so brokenly, “How did you get here? How is this. . .how did this happen? You used to run into battle with the strongest of us. With the bravest. You used to run into danger like it was nothing. . .like nothing could hurt you. If dad could see you now. . .”

No, don’t go down that road. You know that dad would be proud of us. Of all we’ve done. Of all we’ve gone through. Dad would have understood. Dad would have shown me a better way. Dad would have. . . Dad would have held me. He would have stitched me up and put me back together.

I used to be so fearless. . .what the fuck is wrong with me now? Now that I’m here. . .I’ve grown weak and insecure. I’ve grown sensitive and. . . sad. I feel like an open wound, bleeding and exposed to the world. I’ve never felt so close to death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone's noticed but I've been naming chapters after songs and I think I'm gonna start putting links to the songs in the notes from now on. The song I named this chapter for is a favorite of mine. If you don't like screamo I totally get that. I relate to this song a lot and I know that Stiles does too. Check it out and thanks so much for all your kind words! I love reading everyone's comments.   
> The Ghost Inside- White Light https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDc7RZzFY4g


	14. Control

Stiles had woken up early. He had packed his backpack and prepped all his meals for the day. The wolves are all prepped for the day and he’s tucked warmly into all his thick clothing. His hunting pants and matching camo jacket cover every inch of his skin, from his wrists to the tops of his boots. His thick gloves cover his fingers and beaver fur hood cover his head. He had let himself go over the past week and a half. Not shaving or bothering to clean up his act. Dark brown hair already grows thick on his face. His hair even seems longer. He looks wilder than he has in a long time. And he doesn’t care. 

He’s dodged any and all company from his friendly neighbors for the past two weeks, effectively closing himself off by keeping himself busy. He’s spent the majority of his time spinning and knitting in remote locations. Sometimes he would even go back to his camper for a few hours. It had been lonely. But Stiles still felt so cornered. He still needed time to himself. They’re hips deep in winter and it doesn’t show any signs of stopping any time soon. Snow falling on and off. Stiles straps his knives to his thighs and holsters his pistol to his hip. He slings his unloaded shotgun across his back. He slings his backpack over his shoulder and buckles it close to him. He’s ready for the day. 

It’s early but there are a few betas running around already starting the day. They see the human and eye him warily and with something else. . .Stiles can’t place the emotion in their eyes. He does his best to ignore it. He knows they see a heavily armed human with three sharp toothed wolves at his command, stalking around their home. He knows it probably makes them uncomfortable but Stiles can’t bring himself to care. He makes his way to Argo’s stall in tight lipped silence. When he makes it to the stables, Argo takes in his appearance and knows that it’s going to be a long day. But Argo also recognizes the look in Stiles’ eye. The look of utter and complete anxiety. The thickly concealed panic that lies beneath the surface of someone who is cornered and afraid. But Stiles would never admit to his fear. He would never willingly show someone that he is terrified. Of what. . .he has no idea. Well, that’s not completely true, is it?

“Let’s hit the road. I got a good feeling about today.” Stiles tells the horse with a tight grin. 

He saddles up and mounts his horse, leading him out through the stables and into the community. If he thought walking around armed was a big deal, the looks he received from sitting atop a wild stallion topped it hands down. Stiles ignored them again. He grips Argo’s long black mane, doing his best not to just peel out of the community. He needs them to think he hasn’t gone off the reservation completely. 

“Sti!” He hears Liam shouting for him, “Sti!” 

That’s when he really panics. The six year old who’s made him all too vulnerable is running towards him with a hopeful look on his little face. It’s been hell for Stiles to avoid the boys. But he’s done a good job of pushing them away. It’s hurt to avoid everyone. . .but Stiles is set on his isolation. Stiles knows that he’s being horrid to the little boy but he pretends that he doesn’t hear Liam shouting for him and spurs Argo on into a run. The wolves run beside him, keeping pace as they follow the frozen trail in the direction of Stiles’ choosing. 

He misses the boys. He misses them more than he would like to admit but he can’t let them see him right now. He refuses for them to see him hurting like this. So he buries it. He buries his feelings so far down that when he’s alone, he can ignore it and it almost feels like he doesn’t feel anything. Again.

The head off towards the thicker part of the forest towards Shoshone Lake. The woods get thick and it’s covered in snow right now. After a few hours of riding at a lazy pace, he finally gets deep enough in that he feels as though he’s free from everything. He’s sufficiently locked away from the rest of the park and he feels much better. 

“Alright, don’t go too far. I don’t want anyone getting left behind on this little expedition. Stick close. Within yelling distance, preferably.” He tells his wolves. Fenris sticks close to his side, allowing the other two to run about and do their own thing. He dismounts Argo and lets the horse trot off, lagging behind Stiles to sniff about the forest and consume some of the brush. 

“Don't look at me like that,” he scolds Febris. The wolf huffs angrily at his human, “Yeah, Yeah, I know. ‘I'm doing it again, shutting down’. You can't blame me.” 

Fenris growls irritably. Stiles knows exactly what the wolf is saying to him.

“I know I'm being an ass.” The wolf rolls his eyes, “overreacting? Seriously? We've only been with these werewolves for a month and you're suggesting that I spill all my secrets?” His wolf yips, “they would run me out of there the moment they found out everything I've done. I don't want to talk about it, man. I just want to have a nice. . .relaxing day away from everything.”

Fenris growls and trots ahead of his human, giving Stiles the cold shoulder. Stiles knows that he's messing up. He shouldn't be hiding himself away, he knows that the wolves are right about the pack being a good thing for him, for all of them. Stiles doesn't want to admit that they might be right, the pack have already shown him that they can be supportive, that they're understanding and welcoming to him. But they don't know the danger of having him around. They don't know that Stiles still gets the occasional flashback or panic attack. That he's dangerous if he's scared. They don't know what he's capable of and they're just letting him run free. Stiles has been used before. He's been abused and he's been hurt and broken beyond what he ever thought possible. He sees his demons for what they are and battles them every step of the way and right now, he's battling the worst of them all. The fear of being accepted. Stiles is terrified of what might happen if he lets himself be open and welcomed completely by the pack. 

He walk calmly through the forest, deeper and deeper into the creaking wood. The wind whistles through the trees and blows frigidly against his cheeks. It’s so fucking cold, Stiles can hear the crunch of the snow under his feet and Fenris’ footsteps beside him. He can hear Argo trotting a few feet behind. Fenris sees something in the trees and a rustle in the foliage gets his human's attention. 

“Go get it, I won’t get too far ahead.” Stiles told him quietly. He nods his giant wolfy head and quietly stalks into the brush, completely disappearing from sight. 

Stiles carry on in silence. There’s nothing but him and the burning of energy beneath his skin. He’s hyperaware of everything going on around him. The wind in the trees and the crunch of snow, the birds chirping to one another and the wind that forever blows cold against him. He feel so cold but he knows that it’s just his own mind. Stiles feel small and so large at the same time. So miniscule in this massive forest but to feel so large in his own mind, with the emotions and memories running through him. It should be impossible to pack this much angst inside one being so small but  _ here I am,  _ Stiles thinks. Stuffed full with a universe of feeling. He tried not to stray too far from Fenris but he became occupied with whatever he’s chasing and Stiles wanted to continue through the forest. A low growl and hiss carry through the air making him freeze in place. Up above, in a low hanging branch sits a very large, very angry, mountain lion. It growls at him and bares its teeth. It. .is. . . _ pissed.  _

_ Shit shit shit _

Stiles very slowly back away, reaching for my pistol. But the lion is having none of it. The massive cat lurches off the branch and lands before him, growling and snarling. Before he can even point the gun, it lunges for him, swiping at my arm. The claws slice through his jacket and into my flesh like a hot knife through butter. Stiles let out a cry of pain and stumble back, away from the mountain lion. Adrenaline pumps through his veins so fast that he almost get whiplash and when he throws his injured arm out to point the gun at the cat and shoot, it's raked it’s claws across his chest and sunk its teeth into his shoulder. Stiles pull the trigger with the loudest battle cry he can manage through the tears and let loose four rounds into the cat’s chest. It lets out a yowl of pain and releases the human slowly from its grip. Its teeth and claws are coated in crimson, dripping with blood. 

“Son of a bitch!” Stiles shriek, “Fuck and I really liked this jacket.” 

It’s torn to shreds.

“I’m going to turn you into a handbag,” Stiles growl at the cat’s corpse, “Son of a bitch.” he repeats. Pain sears through him, the gashes on his arm and chest flow with blood and the skin throbs at the abuse. Stiles whistles weakly for this wolves, calling them to him. He can hear the wolves barking their location. They’re fairly close by and Argo comes running towards him. The horse sees the blood all over the place and the bloody, dead mountain lion laying in the snow. He nudges Stiles lightly, asking the human if he’s alright.

“I’m okay,” He grits out, “I was almost about to be a mountain lion’s chew toy. Or scratching post. Pumped that bitch full of lead though. . .”

He painfully lifts the 180 pound lion onto Argo’s back and ties him down with a pained grunt. Then Fenris pops out of the trees, worriedly crowding around Stiles, whining and nudging him.

“Just need to sew this up, I’ll be okay.” He grunts, “We need to get back to camp.” He tells his wolf. He’s slowly losing all the adrenaline and he’s feeling the effects of the attack. The pain is becoming unbearable and he’s still got at least a two hour ride back. Gray and Wilk leap through the trees and growl, obviously angered at the dead mountain lion on Argo’s back. 

“Guys, be mad later. Run home and prep now.” He instructed his wolves. Wilk growls lowly but nods in understanding and takes Gray with him to run back to camp. He hasn’t seen them run that fast in a long time. Fenris waits by his side as Stiles mounts the horse with a pained cry and adjusts his guns, “This is going to attract attention.”

Fenris rolls his eyes and runs beside Argo as the horse plows through the snow to get them back home. Stiles clutches at his injured arm and tries to staunch the bleeding against his chest by curling in on himself. The movement of the ride continuously jostles Stiles’ injuries and he’s not sure if he can stay awake with all the dark spots clouding his vision and the white hot pain making him grit his teeth so hard he’s sure they’ll fall out. The ride is torture and by the time he makes it back, he’s breathing heavily and struggling to keep himself together. But the promise of stitching himself up and sleeping for a few hours is too good to pass up. Derek had been waiting anxiously when he saw Wilk and Gray sprinting into camp without Stiles and knew that something was wrong. He and several others were waiting and he could see Liam running happily with Jackson back into the commons area, unknowing. He didn’t want the boys to see him but there’s no avoiding it. Not now. Liam gasps audibly and hides in Jackson's side.  _Great, they're gonna need therapy now._

“Stiles!” Derek shouts. The Alpha spots the bleeding human coming into camp, he’s barely holding himself together and Derek can smell the blood. . .so much blood. It makes the wolf in him reel. He rushes towards the human, completely disregarding the stallion he’s riding, “What the hell happened?” 

“Mount’n lion-” Stiles grunts. The human aches so painfully and can’t keep himself sitting up anymore. He slid towards Derek and the Alpha caught him before he could fall off the horse. 

“ _ Jesus,  _ Stiles!” He clutches at the human barely hanging on to consciousness, “Erica! Tell Mira to get to my cabin immediately.”

“No!” Stiles shouts, “I c’n do it m’self.” he slurs. The combination of blood loss and pain makes the dark spots in his vision worsen.

“Shut up, Stiles,” Derek growls, “You’re going to let us take care of you, dammit.”

“Cn’t let her see, Dr’k-” Stiles squirms, “Cn’t let’r see.”

“Can’t let her see what, Stiles?” Derek questions worriedly.

“Me.” Stiles says pitifully. As soon as he admits it to the Alpha, his body gives out and slips into darkness. Derek’s heart drops into his stomach and he races to get Stiles somewhere warm and comfortable so they can begin to put him back together. 

He lays the human in his bed and looks at the pale, broken man before him. Why wouldn’t Stiles want Mira to see him? What the hell is he hiding that is so bad that he felt the need to isolate himself for nearly two weeks? Derek begins to peel off the shredded jacket and torn clothing from Stiles’ body. Upon seeing the damage, his stomach turns so fiercely he isn’t sure if he can stand to look at it. Derek hasn’t seen this kind of gore in years. When he finally peels off the last layer, he sees what Stiles was trying so hard to hide. He had never seen such a myriad of scars, things that he desperately wanted to know about but understands that even the mere mention of them shuts Stiles down. 

So he just tries to ignore them. When Mira comes into the room, she goes into full on nurses mode and barks out orders to her Alpha.  _ Thank God Stiles isn’t awake for this.  _ Cleaning and disinfecting the injuries takes a long time and Derek is sure that if Stiles were awake, he would be in agony. He watches as Mira shakes her head fearfully at the disturbingly pale human she’s stitching up. 

“I’m not sure he’ll make it, Derek. He lost so much blood. . .” Mira sighs shakily.

“He’ll make it. He’s strong, Mira. I’ve never met someone so strong. . .” Derek says confidently.

“This is what he’s been hiding from us? His scars?” Mira speculates sadly.

“I think he just doesn’t want us to know how he got them,” Derek says thoughtfully as he wraps clean bandages around Stiles’ arm, “I think he doesn’t want us to know what he went through to survive.”

“He can’t honestly think that we would hate him for anything he did to keep going, to stay alive. . .” She whispers.

“I don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface of his inner struggle, of the demons that are fighting in his head.” Derek tells her, “He’s afraid. And the only thing we can do is show him that he doesn’t need to have his guard up with us. He can let us in.”

“Why are we giving so much for him?” Mira asks suddenly, “He’s probably the most dangerous human we’ve ever encountered and we’ve given so much of our resources already to help him. Why?”

“Because he’s a good man. I can see it in the way he is with the boys. In the way he looks at the nature around him. I can tell that inside. . .regardless of how deeply it’s been buried through years of systematic abuse and fear. . .I can tell that he wants a home. He wants peace.” Derek says, “I know we can give it to him. If he just. . .let us in.”

_ Let me in.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so8V5dAli-Q


	15. Deceivers

Derek sits by the human’s side. Stiles is covered in bandages, freshly changed and clean. A light sweat covers his forehead and he’s pale as the sheets he’s wrapped in. He hasn’t woken up yet and it’s been a whole day since he rode into town, bloody and shredded. The wolves lay by his feet, watching over their Alpha. Derek has managed to keep his pack away from Stiles while he heals but they’re all anxious for him to wake up. The boys especially are worried for their friend and have been constantly asking their mother to visit. Derek hasn’t left his cabin since Stiles took residence, he steps outside when someone needs to speak with him but for the most part, Derek has remained by Stiles’ side, monitoring his heart and scent. Stiles is incredibly weak but Mira is taking good care of him. 

He had spent his free time analyzing Stiles’ scars, memorizing them and formulating every question under the sun for when Stiles wakes. The slashes on his back obviously mean whipping. And the branding on his lower back is pink and irritated. The burn marks and puffed up scar tissue littering his back make Derek question how Stiles has managed to remain so. . .human. He could pick out healed over bullet wounds and bite marks. The Alpha knows that any one of these scars could have cost Stiles his life but the human is strong. He’s resilient and just too damn stubborn to die. 

Derek sits beside the human, he raises a tentative hand to the dark scar on his hip. It curls over his side and disappears under the sheets towards his groin. Derek wants more than anything to see where it ends but he contains his curiosity and lust. 

“Hands to yourself. . .” Stiles’ tired voice is hoarse and gritty. He’s thirsty and the pain is blinding. The moment Derek hears the human’s voice, his hand jerks away as if his skin burned and his attention shifts. 

“Stiles-”

“Water.” Stiles says pleadingly. Derek nods and quickly does as he’s asked, retrieving Stiles a glass of water and helping the human drink.

“You almost didn’t make it,” Derek whispers to him.

“Yeah well, no matter how hard I try,” Stiles gasps and sags in relief when Derek starts taking his pain, “I can’t seem to die.”

“Stiles-” Derek hisses. He doesn’t think Stiles is being funny, “You shouldn’t joke like that.”

“Why not?” Stiles hisses back, “Who would miss me?”

“You can’t honestly believe that no one would miss you if you died. Your wolves would miss you. The boys would miss you, hell I would miss you and so would the rest of the pack.” Derek growls, “I know that you’re still recovering from years on the outside. It obviously wasn’t easy for you. We don’t expect you to just wake up one day and suddenly have-” he sighed deeply, “You need to rest. We can talk about this later.”

Stiles didn’t even nod. He didn’t do anything or say anything because he quickly lost lucidity and crashed. His breathing isn’t as labored as it was just minutes ago but Stiles is locked in the dark embrace of sleep with no indication of when he will be waking up. Derek wants nothing more than to shake the human and shout at him, but the Alpha knows he can’t do that quite yet. He’ll just have to wait.

. . .

Stiles faded in and out over the next two days. Too weak to do anything but drink a little water and scarf down some soup. It took a lot of effort to get him to his feet to walk around Derek’s cabin and get him into the bathroom occasionally. Much to the human’s chagrin, he wasn’t about to go by himself. He could barely stand on his own let alone move ten feet to the bathroom. It’s a slow recovery and it’s taking a heavy toll on the human.

“I can do it my damn self.” He growls when Derek tries to help him to his feet. Derek has been very accommodating, never really leaving his side and always being patient with Stiles. But after two days of this and arguing with Stiles because he  _ knows  _ that Stiles can’t do it on his own.

“Stiles, dammit, let me help. Watching you struggle is extremely difficult when I know for a fact that you absolutely cannot do it on your own.” Derek growls back out, “Accept my help for once without whining about it.”

“I don’t fucking want to accept your help.” Stiles grounds out, “I’ve had worse than this and I was able to take care of my damn self. Leave me the fuck alone.”

“You’ve always had to take care of yourself because you had no one. Now you do,” Derek shouts angrily, “I’m not going to let you do this alone!”

“I am alone! I’ve never had to count on anyone and I’ll be damned if I start now.” Stiles practically snarls. He’s quickly losing steam and Derek can see that. He’s overexerting himself by getting angry with Derek but the Alpha feels like they’re finally getting somewhere.

“Why not? Why are you so afraid of us? Why are you so fucking afraid of what you already feel?” Derek yells at the human.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re asking.” Stiles grits through clenched teeth.

“Yes I do. What I don’t know, is why you’re still fighting your instincts. Why you’re losing yourself in your fear. Why you’re hiding behind your cowardice. That’s not the Stiles I know. That’s not who you are.” Derek tosses back at him, “Just tell me why you’re so infuriatingly stubborn. Why you’re killing yourself and isolating yourself. Because not only are you fucking up your own life, you’re dicking around with the emotions of everyone else in the pack. Especially the two little boys who look up to you and cried when they realized you didn’t want to be around them. The boys who asked their mother every day if they could see you, if they did something that made you not like them anymore. You can’t hide anymore, damnit. I won’t let you.”

Stiles wants to throw up when Derek tells him how hurt the boys are but anger still rolls off of him in waves. He’s getting to his breaking point and he knows that once that dam bursts, there’s no going back. And he’s not sure what the outcome will look like once he releases the floodgates.

“Stiles, I know you’re scared. I can’t even begin to understand what you went through in the past few years alone but now you’re here. You’re in a safe place, surrounded by people who aren’t afraid of you and what happened in your past. All we want is for you to be okay, for you to be healthy and open. You fit so well here, Stiles you don’t even know how much you mean to this pack already.” Derek says so earnestly that it takes the air out of Stiles’ lungs.

“Derek-” Stiles chokes on his emotions, “You don’t- I can’t-”

“Can I tell you something?” Derek asks. Unsure of where this conversation is heading, Stiles gives a hesitant nod, “I lost my family a long time ago too. Getting here, to safety, came at a high cost. Before the outbreak, the pack was small, only ten of us. Just my immediate family and I. Along the way, we were separated and scattered when a herd of walkers tore our group apart. I was with my older sister and uncle. But to get out of Portland, my uncle had to lead a diversion and then it was just us. We never saw what happened to him but I can’t imagine he made it out of there alive. Laura and I got separated in Idaho when we were scavenging for food. She never made it back to the rendezvous spot before we were supposed to leave for Wyoming. I waited an extra week. I would have waited longer but I was running out of resources and I needed to get to the park. We were all supposed to get to the park if we were separated.”

“Did they make it here?” Stiles asked timidly.

“No. It was just me. And I was alone. I knew my mother and Laura had both died when suddenly, I became an Alpha.” Derek said tensely, “I don’t know what happened to them. What became of their bodies, how they died. . .I was cut off from my family. From the only home I ever knew. But when I got to the park, a small group of survivors had holled up in the lodge. They were scared and. . .and so was I. So I offered to turn them. I offered to make a pack, a family. Something that they had lost too. And the rest is history. What I’m trying to tell you is that, I lost people too, we all have and even though we may not have gone through everything you have and we might not understand it all, but we sure as hell can be there for you and help carry the burden on your shoulders.”

Stiles listened to Derek’s story, knowing that pain in the Alpha’s eyes and understanding it completely because he too feels that pain. The pain of losing everything. Derek is practically begging for Stiles to open up to him. And the pleading in his eyes hits Stiles hard. 

“Derek, it’s not that easy. . .” He says desperately.

“You don’t need to share all your deepest, darkest secrets all at once, Stiles. What I’m asking is just for you to do your best to unburden yourself. If it takes days, weeks or years. . .I don’t care.” Derek tells him, taking his three fingered hand in his and gently squeezing it, “Pack is different. . .we’re different. . .we’re not going to judge you, or hate you. We just want you to be a part of us. We want you, Stiles.  _ I  _ want you.”

Stiles gulps back his emotions, “Derek. . .I’ve been misled before. I’ve put my faith in so many people who let me down in the worst ways. . .It brought me nothing but pain. I walked all over this damn country and I’ve done it all on my own. Until I had the wolves, I had nothing. I had no faith, no hope. . .Whatever hope I have left. . .I’m terrified of it.”

“You’re not alone, Stiles. Not anymore.” Derek says firmly, “I know words are cheap but. . .just give me-us- a chance to show you that you  _ can  _ be happy here. You  _ can  _ live the rest of your life and never hurt again.”

“I want to believe you, I do. . .but I’ve heard those words before and each time they were lies. I couldn’t bear it if you lied to me too.” Stiles says honestly.

“I know it’s hard to trust. It’s hard because you’re so vulnerable. Just give me a chance. . .give us a chance to show you that you can trust us, that we can  _ build  _ that trust.” Derek entreats, “You’ve given us so much, Stiles, let us return the favor. And if you decide in the end that you don’t want to trust us, you don’t want to be a part of the pack, then we’ll figure out our next move.”

“Derek-”

“You’ve spent what feels like a lifetime, wandering the continent, searching for a home. For something you only had an inkling of what you wanted. You’ve given up so much. . .lost so much of yourself. Let me show you that you can get it back. You can change everything, turn it all around and start over again. You can  _ live.” _ Derek whispers to Stiles. The human stares deeply into those hazel green eyes and sees something. . .a spark of  _ something  _ in his eyes that Stiles just can’t ignore. He thought he had lost all hope a long time ago but that special something in Derek’s eyes lights something inside of Stiles that he had turned off. Like a pilot light being sparked once more, Stiles could feel the glow of warmth in his chest being reignited.  

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNdbAAooPvU
> 
> Now accepting comments, suggestions, monetary gifts (JK)


	16. You're Gonna Go Far Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoes don't get cold

Taking care of Stiles after that became much much easier. In Derek’s opinion, Stiles was far more relaxed. Still in terrible pain but the Alpha worked hard to make it more comfortable for him. They continue to keep company quietly. Their easy conversations are calming and Stiles finds himself enjoying the Alpha’s company. Derek even moved the DVD player from the camper to his cabin and they frequently watch Disney movies with the boys and then whatever movies Stiles wants to see again. Sometimes Derek just lays in the bed next to Stiles and reads to him while he knits.   
Stiles would admit that he’s enjoyed his time. 

He’s healing slowly but surely. Boyd even took it upon himself to skin the cat and smoke it according to Stiles’ instructions. At night, Derek’s closest betas will come by the cabin and sit with them. It’s the closest Stiles has come to hanging out in years. Stiles lays in bed after just getting out of the bathroom and he settles in for the night. Wilk and Fenris walks in and lay on their bed. 

“Where’s Gray?” Stiles asks them. The two of them smiled wolfishly at him and yipped. Stiles has to think about the last time he saw her. It was a few days ago and though it’s fairly odd but then Stiles remembers what time of the season it is. It’s breeding season and now that they’re in a safe environment, Gray has no doubt gone into heat and is running around doing things. Things that Stiles doesn’t want to think about. But he’ll see her soon, and when he does, Gray might not be the same.

“There’s a blizzard coming in,” Derek says, “We’ll be stuck inside tomorrow night.”

“I’m sure Gray will be back tomorrow.” Stiles tells him, “Am I going to stay here. . .or. . .”

“I mean, unless you wanna go back to your cabin you can stay here with me. I would probably feel better if you were here so I could make sure you’re alright.” Derek says almost bashfully. Stiles gives him a grateful smile and pulled the blankets up tighter around him. Then in a flurry of movement, Erica burst into the room with Boyd, Isaac and Scott hot on her trail.

“Hey there, catnip.” She grins at Stiles. The human chuckles at Erica’s brash humor which leads him to wince at the pain in his body. 

“Erica-” Derek says reprimanding. 

“It’s alright,” Stiles smiles at her, “Funny.”

“We thought it would be good for your recovery if we all hung out for a bit. Share stories. . .braid each other’s hair, you know the drill.” She grinned at us. 

“I’ll make tea.” Derek says irritably. Stiles rolls his eyes and shifts on the bed to let Erica lay next to him. She eyes the scars on his shoulders and arms, all the visible scarring she could see. Stiles knows that she’s looking and he knows that anyone who lays eyes on them is gonna be curious. He doesn’t want to hide any more and besides, this story is undeniably hilarious.

“You want a story?” Stiles asks Erica sarcastically.

“No-no, no uh- you don’t have to-” She backpedaled quickly. Boyd looks at her chastising. 

“It’s alright. Why don’t I share the story of when I lost my fingers? It’s probably the most entertaining story.” Stiles huffed in annoyance.

“Yeah!” Scott smiles excitedly. 

“Alright, well. Make yourselves comfortable because this is a very  _ very  _ long yet entertaining story,” He wiggles his eyebrows and accepts the mug of hot tea from Derek while the wolves eagerly make themselves comfortable, “It happened three winters ago. . . In a lovely little community in Michigan. . .”

 

_ Flashback. . .  _

 

_ Gray and Wilk trott behind me, yipping at one another and play fighting while Fenris trots at my side, dutifully watching my six. The wagon I’m pulling contains all our crap in my bags making an annoying squeaking noise. The damn back axle is squeaky. It’s cold again, the first winter since the pups were born. Their first winter. Aww. . .it’s their first Christmas! Not that we celebrate or anything. We’ve been walking for two days. Just gotten off the I-90. The day is cold and windy. I’m decked out in winter gear and scraps of old shirts cover my face, keeping out the cold. I. fucking. Hate. snow. It feels like we’ve been wading through snow for weeks. Oh that’s right. Because we have.  _

_ The wolves love it. They’re jumping around, biting at it and snapping. It’s adorable, really. So adorable that it’s effectively distracting me from the exhaustion. Another hour into our little stroll through a frozen town and we’ve finally made it to the outskirts of a small town. I had heard of the community through the two or three little installations I’ve passed along the interstate. Sturgis is a fairly large city when you’re walking and I think it be best to stick to the interstate. So we don’t stray too far. _

_ “I don’t even see a city let alone buildings. There’s probably a long stretch of highway before we even reach town,” I sigh tiredly, “According to all the road signs, the first checkpoint is only three miles away. I know we should stay away from communities but I’m damn tired and we’re running out of supplies. Hopefully they’ll trade with us and we can be on our way.” _

_ So we continue down the interstate, following the signs and hoping for the best. Around mile number two, the pups get tired and can’t walk anymore so I strap on my pack and set them in the wagon, wrapped in blankets. Fenris is like a little heater against my chest so he’s just gonna stay there for a little while. We’re a quarter of a mile out when I see the guardposts. Then the rifles. They’re packing a lot more than I am and I’m in no shape to fight. In my past experience, communities can be both good and bad. Some are welcoming and wary enough to be hesitant towards wandering vagrants like myself. They’ll let us in, be open to trading whatever is needed whether it be random items I had picked up or just a week or two of my help doing repairs or providing some service for the community while I rest and restock to move on. Other communities can seem like a dream come true and end up to be a nightmare. Some can just look plain awful and result in a shit storm. I have had more experience with the later, and have learned that when approaching an unknown community, caution and paranoia are my best friends. The wolves sit tight, knowing that we’ve come across another community. Though they are just pups, they’re pretty damn smart.  _

_ I make my presence known by first taking cover and raising a white flag. Super basic but. . .at least if they shoot at me, I’m covered and then I can figure out how many I need to kill to get away.  _

_ “Don’t shoot!” I shout, knowing they can hear me. _

_ “What’s your business here?” One of the guards shouts back. _

_ “I just need to restock on supplies and rest for a bit before I move on. I’m just passing through, not looking for any trouble.” I tell them, still crouched behind my cover. _

_ “What would you give us in return?” They asked. _

_ “Well. . .that depends. What do you want?” I asked, “If it’s within my ability then I’ll happily trade with you for what I need.” _

_ “You’ll stay in the guest sector, a chaperone will be with you at all times and firearms are to be left at the gate for retrieval at the end of your stay. Are you alone?” The guard asked almost robotically. _

_ “It’s just me and my dogs.” I replies, “Three pups, no more than a few months old.” _

_ “They will not be allowed outside without you present. Pets tend to go missing here so keep them close.” The guard informed.  _

_ “Great. You gonna shoot me when I step away from my cover?” I ask sarcastically. Then I hear the large metal gate creaking open and then there’s silence. _

_ “Not unless you give us a reason to.” A woman says to me. So I hesitantly rise from my hiding place and tug the wagon along with me. This girl stands before me, a neat little pencil skirt and a pressed, soft pink blouse. I almost couldn’t hold in my laughter. She looks like she stepped out of a pre-apocalyptic world. Her hair is neatly done, not a hair out of place. It’s super fucking off putting.  _

_ “Hello!” She says cheerily, “My name is Heather, welcome to Haven.” _

_ I have a really bad feeling about this.  _

_ “Why don’t you follow me into town and we’ll get you settled.” She motioned for me to follow her, a clipboard tight in her arms. This feels suspiciously like walking into a doctor’s office, “Why don’t we start with a few questions while we get you inside?” _

_ I nodded quietly. The guards at the door watch as I lay my weapons down on the table before them. I laid my rusted shotgun down on the table along with my knives and tomahawk. The only thing I kept on my person is my dad’s pistol. It’s well hidden in a false bottom in my pack. No way in hell I’m walking in there unarmed. They search my person and my bag before I’m admitted inside. They don’t discover the false bottom.  _

_ “How many of these. . .dogs do you have?” The guard asked. _

_ “Three.” I answered. _

_ “How on God’s green Earth did you find such adorable little puppies?” Heather asked, bending down to pet Gray. My pups growled at her. _

_ “They’re not fond of strangers.” I say flatly.  _

_ The guard giving me the pat down smirks and chuckles lowly at Heather’s dark frown at the pup. I don’t like the way she’s looking at them. _

_ “You’re clear. Enjoy your stay.” The guard rolls his eyes and returns to his post. Such a welcoming community. Heather straightens up and smiles creepily at me. _

_ “Follow me Mr. . .uh-” _

_ “Smith. Mr. Smith.” I say plainly. _

_ “You know, we have five Mr. Smith's already staying with us. For the sake of my records, why don’t you pick another alias.” She suggest with a smug grin. _

_ “Williams then.” I bark at her.  _

_ “Alright, Mr. Williams. Here at Haven, you’ll be staying in the outer ring. It’s small but secluded from the actual inner circle. Since you’re just passing through there will be some rules we will be enforcing. A mandatory curfew will be announced through the outer ring for all visitors that will be enforced. There will be absolutely no fighting inside the compound. I will be your escort during your stay here and that means wherever you go, I go.” She says to me. _

_ “I’m only planning on being here as long as it takes to restock on food and get some rest.” I tell her. _

_ “Well. . .you never know. Maybe you’ll grow to like the community. . .” She says lowly. There’s a glint in her eyes and I don’t think I like that. This stay is going to be short. Ash short as I can make it. _

_ “Let’s start with the trading post. I want to be in and out.” I tell her. She regards me with an annoyed glance but plasters a fake smile on her face and nods. She brings me to a building inside the compound. A re-purposed circle K. There aren’t too many people around. The outer ring is just for visitors and there aren’t too many of those. I can hear the noises from the inner ring. Children playing and business being conducted.  _

_ Inside the circle K, there smell of fresh bread and produce hits me. Before I know it, my mouth is salivating and my stomach growls. I haven’t eaten since yesterday when I caught that squirrel. Even then I gave it to the wolves and had to settle for some old soup I scavenged from a home in Indiana. I didn’t have much food and sharing with the wolves makes it harder on me.  _

_ “Alright, what do I need to do to get some food?” I asked Heather. _

_ “We give all our guests a welcome basket with food,” She smiles and hands me a large basket with more food than I’ve seen in months. I take it eagerly and put it in the wagon. The pups sniff about it and yip at me. _

_ “I need canned goods. And med supplies. What do you have?” I ask the man at the counter. He pulls out a toolbox that is full of different supplies. I immediately spot spools of silk and new needles. Pain pills. . .those would come in handy. _

_ “What you got to trade?” He asked me, crossing his arms over his chest. _

_ “I’ve got a few packs of cigarettes,” I say pulling out four packs of marlboro. _

_ “Pick three from the box,” He says, watching as I snatch a spool of sutures, needles and a bottle of excedrin.  _

_ “You guys have any working cars for trade?” I ask hopefully. _

_ “Yeah, follow me,” The guy says, calling for a replacement. He leads me towards the parking lot. Heather follows quickly behind me, mindful of the wagon I’m pulling behind me. The parking lot has a different assortment of cars from little, rusty cars to large trucks and everything inbetween. I take one quick look and see an old jeep. It’s a black and slightly rusty cherokee. But it reminds me of the jeep I had when I was a teenager. It’s perfect. The XJ has tons of space that I can use to get all my crap inside, I can sleep in it and the pups can travel with me easily. The man let me take a look under the hood. Everything is in the right place, fluids look good and it doesn’t make any noise when I turn it over. _

_ “What would I need to give you for this?” I asked him. He almost laughed at me. _

_ “Boy that jeep is gonna cost ya.” He shakes his head. _

_ “I’ve got a few wedding ring sets. Solid gold,” I tell him. I’ll give you three of them. Comes with a diamond ring and two wedding bands. Three of those combos.” _

_ “How in the hell did you get all that?” He asks curiously. Heather’s eyes go wide when she sees the jewelry in my hands.  _

_ “Raided a few jewelry stores.” I shrugged, pulling out a  bag with the rings I mentioned. I still kept a good majority of them but I’ll keep that secret for now. I don’t know when gold will come in handy. So the bag of diamond rings and assorted wedding bangs sits in the bottom of my bag, safe and secure. Even in the apocalypse, gold comes in handy, “I'll even throw in one more ring if you toss me two jerry cans of gas.” _

_ “You got a deal.” He smiles and snatches the rings from my hand. He brings us back into the store and hands me the keys, “I’ll have the cans filled before you leave just come and get them when you collect the car. Is there anything else I can do for you?” _

_ “Yeah. Any toiletries you got and I’ll be on my way.” I say, putting down two old playboy magazines. The man behind the counter laughed and took them eagerly. He reached behind him and grabbed a shower caddy with an assortment of different mini toiletries.  _

_ “You have a good day, boy.” He grins at me. I nod at him gratefully and take my things. Heather leads us out of the store and smiles at me. _

_ “Is there a butcher anywhere?” I asked her. _

_ “Yes, this way,” She says, motioning for me to follow, “So, where were you coming from before you got here?” She asked, batting her eyes at me. Yeah no. I don’t like this. It’s been awhile since anyone’s flirted with me but I definitely know the signs. _

_ “I’m heading south I guess. The last community I was in was somewhere in New York. I haven’t settled down. Probably never will.” I say. She writes down what I say and nods. _

_ “How did you find out about Haven?” _

_ “I crossed a few people in Indiana who had stayed here not too long ago. Can’t remember their names. They told me to follow the 90 and then I would find signs about where to go.” I say. _

_ “How long have you been on your own?” _

_ “I’ve always been alone.” I reply.  _

_ “I’ve never seen dogs like that before. . .” She muses, looking at them. _

_ I ignore her and walk into the small butchers shop. There are hanging carcases and it’s so cold that it’s not an issue just having the meat hanging in the open. It’s a damn meat locker in here. I approach the butcher, a heavy set man that’s missing a few fingers. . . damn.  _

_ “What can I get you?” He asks gruffly.  _

_ “I need a slab of cow.” I told him, “Pork shoulder will also be acceptable.” _

_ He nods, “You got somethin good for me?” _

_ I rolled my eyes and pulled out the last playboy magazine I have stashed away. He grins like an idiot and nods eagerly, heading off to fill my order.  _

_ “You must really like porn.” Heather laughs. _

_ “Not the type of porn I like.” I tell her. _

_ “What type of porn do you like?” She questions. _

_ “Gay porn.” I say bluntly. She almost trips on her feet and stares ahead awkwardly.  _

_ She remains silent and it’s complete bliss. I happily grab the meat and place it in the wagon, swatting at my yipping wolves. Heather takes me to a small hotel not too far from the entrance I just came from and lets me into a room.  _

_ “Well. . .I hope you have a pleasant stay and I will be back tomorrow morning to get you rolling on whatever you need,” She gives me a small smile. I nod and slam the door in her face. Hopefully she’ll leave me alone tonight and tomorrow she’ll tone down her personality. It’s extremely nerve wracking.  _

_ “Alright pups, no chewing on the furniture. I’m going to make dinner and then we’ll settle in for the night.” They hop out of the wagon and bound over to the kitchenette where I cut off a slab of meat off the pork shoulder and set it on the floor for them.  _ _ Dinner is wonderful to say the least. I cook the meat and store it away, now I have breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. The basket I received has fruit and a few vegetables. Even some bread. It’s been awhile since I’ve had fresh bread like this. I need to slow down. I actually need to save some of this food. So I ration. Tomorrow I will have to see about trading for some canned goods. If they have any.  _

_ But all in all, it’s been a damn good day. The water is running and it’s hot, the razor is brand new and now I’m clean. I actually smell good. I’ve got my clothes soaking in the skin, in some of the soap they gave me. Thank God. I should probably see if I can get new socks at some point. The ones I have are old, have holes and are so far from white it’s kinda gross.  _

_ “I don’t know about the three of you, but. . .I’m beat.” I sigh, “It’s time for bed.” _

_ Securing the room is easy. There’s a deadbolt on the door and the window is barred. All I do is slide a chair under the doorknob. If someone wants to get in, they’ll have to work for it but there’s no way they’ll catch me by surprise. With the curtains closed, I slid the pistol out of my backpack and place it under my pillow. They will not catch me by surprise. The pups hop up on the bed with me and curl up by my side. They’re just as tired as I am and it’s easy to see that everyone is ready to call it. Fenris wiggles under the sheet and curls into my side while Wilk takes my feet and Gray lays herself across my chest, placing her nose against my neck. _

_ “Fluff balls.” I snort. _

_ They yip at me and soon enough, we’re all knocked out from exhaustion. _

_._ _._ _._

_ There’s some rough knocking on the door, jarring me into consciousness.  _

_ “Fuck.” I groaned. The knocking continues obnoxiously until I force myself from my bed and open the door. Heather stands before me, in a fucking pantsuit with a damn happy smile on her face. What the actual fuck is wrong with this girl?  _

_ “Good morning Mr. Williams,” She grins, “Are you ready for a day of touring the compound? We’ll go and pick up whatever you need today and then whenever you’re ready, you can check out. Unless you find that you like the community. Then we’ll see about moving you into the middle ring if you meet the right criteria.” _

_ No way in hell I’m staying here. _

_ I give her a placating nod and move to shut the door but she steps inside the room and I want to punch her. She gives the wolves a dark look before ignoring them completely and heading into the kitchen area so I could change and get ready for the day. Once I have my winter gear on, I slip my pistol into the waistband of my pants without Heather knowing. It’s fully loaded and ready to go at a moments notice, something I’m sure I’ll need. I whistled to the wolves, getting them ready to head out but Heather cleared her throat loudly. _

_ “You should leave them here. They’ll be safe, not to mention, we don’t really let pets into the compound until they’re cleared.” She says way too cheerfully. _

_ “I don’t want to leave them here.” I say. _

_ “You can’t take them with you, I’m sorry.” She says firmly.  _

_ I need supplies. I need to get the hell out of here and keep going, I need to keep moving. We need to stock up and I can’t do that with them. If I lock them in the room and give them some food, they’ll be okay for an hour or two. Then we’ll hit the road. _

_ “Skip the tour and take me to wherever I can get some canned food and clothes.” I tell her angrily. She looks shocked for a moment but then nods in concession and turns her back. I leave a chunk of meat for the wolves in the kitchen, “I’ll be back ASAP alright. Don’t do anything stupid and don’t try to leave the room.” _

_ They whine at me when I reach the door and I steeled myself. I need to get this done. Now. Heather walks in extremely impractical heels. If they hadn’t been plowing snow in this muddy compound, she would be wearing boots and a massive parka. But no. This crazy lady is in heels, a pencil skirt, tights and a blazer. This bitch is crazy. She brings me back to the same circle K from yesterday where I quickly fill a basket with any and every can of food I see. The man behind the counter eyes me with suspicion and carefully reaches for the offering I hand him in exchange for the food.  _

_ “I’ll be back for the car when I get the rest of my supplies. No more than twenty minutes. Then I’ll be checking out.” I say firmly. Heather looks like she’s ready to pass out. From what, I’m not sure. But she’s nervous and I don’t like that. She takes me to the clothing store, right next to the butcher and watches me grab new jeans, socks, a few tops, and a whole new winter jacket after tossing a gold bracelet at the trader.  _

_ I practically sprint back to the room. I’ve never been separate from my woles for this long and it’s putting me on edge. I can’t seem to quell this feeling of dread in my belly. Heather shouts for me to slow down and wait for her but ain’t no way in hell I’m slowing down. By the time I reach the room, I see that my instincts were perfectly right. The door is kicked in and there’s no sign of the pups. Anger spreads through my veins like a fire. I can hear Heather’s heels clicking behind me annoyingly and when she enters the room, I slam her against a wall with my hand on her throat, grasping tightly. She lets out a terrified yelp and flails. _

_ “Where the fuck are my pups?” I growl at her. _

_ “I- don’t k-know!” She says desperately. But her eyes twitch. She’s lying. _

_ “I’m a very, very bad person to lie to. Now I’ll ask you one last time before I slit your throat. Where. Are. my. Pups.” I snarl. _

_ “Someone must have b-broken into the r-room!” She squeaked, "They probably ran away!" _

_ “None of my things are missing. Robbers would have taken everything and my pups wouldn't go anywhere without me unless forced to.” I growled, “Answer me, now!” I squeeze her neck harder, making her eyes bulge almost comically and she scratches at my arms for air. _

_ “I-I’ll take you to t-them!” She says, trying her hardest to break from my grip. Yeah no, no way in hell she’s gonna make it this easy for me. She’s going to lure me into something, I can already tell. But if I want my pups back, I’ll listen to her and walk into the trap. I’ll just have to hope I’m the smartest one there. I pull my gun from my waistband and show it to her. She stutters at the weapon and  shrieks. _

_ “I won’t hesitate to blow your brains out and destroy this entire compound to find my pups. You take me to them right now and I’ll spare you.” Now who’s the liar? _

_ She nods in understanding and sucks in a harsh breath when I let her go. I press the gun to her back and press in close to her as she leads me through the compound.  _

_ “You were supposed to leave weapons at the door.” She says angrily. _

_ “I’m not an idiot,” I reply tersely, “Besides, I can’t be the only one to ever conceal a weapon while staying here.” _

_ “Actually. Yeah, you are.” She says matter of factly. She says it almost bitterly. Like this is a first for her and she’s calculating how she can get out of this. Then it dawns on me. If she’s one of the ambassadors to this place. . .am I the first guest she’s tried this on? _

_ “I’m not the first person you’ve killed am I?” I ask her, pressing the muzzle into her side harshly making her flinch. _

_ “You’re too smart for your own good,” She says bitterly, “You’re the first to figure it out. And so quickly too.”  _

_ “So what, you lure guests to your spider web and kill them? Thought this place was supposed to be a sanctuary.” I say angrily. _

_ “Normally it takes weeks to gain their trust, no one ever wants to leave right away. They’re unarmed and vulnerable. It’s easier than taking candy from a baby.” She smirks, “Sanctuary. . .yeah. It’s sanctuary to the people who were here first. Then we started housing vagrants. People who take advantage of our resources and disappear without a thank you. None of you belong here.” _

_ “Wow. I knew you were a bag of nuts I just didn’t think it was murder nuts.” I say sarcastically, “How many guests have you killed over the years?”  _

_ “Five. We’ve been slow recently.” She says blandly, as if she were a shop owner waiting for customers. Either way, when they met her, their number was up. Poor bastards. And they never even would have known, no one would have known it was her. No one would suspect.   _

_ She guides me towards a boarded up home on the outskirts of the outer ring. It looks as if it were barely standing and I’m almost afraid to go inside. But I need to get the pups and get the hell out of here. She takes me inside the house and closes the door. I inspect the place quickly and give a loud whistle. The answering howls from the pups shoots fresh rage through my heart and I’m pointing the gun at her head. _

_ “Hey! I brought you to them! You said you would let me live!” She yelled indignantly. _

_ “Yeah well, I lied.” I say dumbly. Stupid bitch. _

_ Right as I’m about to pull the trigger, the cold metal of a blade is pressed against my neck. _

_ “Give me the gun.” A deep voice orders authoritatively. _

_ “Give me the knife.” I say sarcastically. He’ll have to pry this gun from my cold dead fingers. The blade cuts into my neck in warning, drawing blood. Alright, think. . .think. . .  _

_ I lower the gun slowly, calmly. Letting him think I’m standing down. When my hand reaches my side I move swiftly, ducking down and swiping my leg under his legs, swiping them out from under him. He falls to the ground in surprise. This massive, bulking man. He looks like a brute, like a surly man who hunts bunnies for fun. He curses at me and moves his knife around haphazardly. I dodge all his blows deftly and smirk. _

_ “Careful where you’re swinging that big boy,” I laugh. The guy growls at me and charges me. He’s big and strong but slow and dumb. He doesn’t even bother trying to focus his attack rather than just aim sloppily and hope for the best. But he’s forgotten one thing, he’s brought a knife to a gunfight. But he figure out he’s not gonna win quickly and basically just thinks ‘fuck it’ and charges me one last time, slamming his body into mine. My blood is pumping and I wrestle the gun to point at his chest. But he’s got a hand around the pistol, a giant sausage finger pressed against mine on the trigger. He forces the fun to point into my chest and I’m struggling to point it towards his skull. I have to put my hand on the muzzle. I have to hope that I can get some leverage on the gun. _

_ And I do, but my fingers are covering the muzzle. That’s not fucking good at all. But the bullet would go through my fingers and into his skull, killing my assailant. Aw man. I like my fingers. Fuuuck. Alright, sacrifice. . .the pups need me and I can’t waste any more time. I take a breath to brace myself and with one final shove upwards, the gun is pointed at his chest and I pull the trigger. Sharp, terrible pressure consumes my senses and I know my fingers are now part of the bloody mess that is covering my chest and face. But the massive brute falls limp against me and I know my goal has been achieved. The adrenaline is still pumping and it’s enough for me to shove the man off my chest and look around for Heather. But she’s nowhere to be seen and I know where she’s gone. Now we really need to leave. I sprint down into the basement and open the door, the putrid stench of rotting flesh hits my nose and I just about keel over from the smell. Then I hear it, the moans and groans that are undeniably recognizable as the undead. She fucking kept them? She kept her victims. I almost became one of those victims. I shut the door quickly, shutting in the poor souls who fell for Heather’s nice girl act. I whistled again for the wolves and opened another door. This one leads to another room sealed off from the undead. Inside is a large cage. WIth my wolves inside of it. They slam their bodies against the doors in anger, trying hard to bust out. _

_ “Thank God.” I sighed, “We need to get the fuck out of here.”  _

_ They yip in agreement and Wilk barks at me in disappointment, “I know, I should’ve seen this coming. Chew me out later, escape now.” _

_ Once I free the wolves, they run by my side back to the room, only attracting a little bit of attention. Good, good, Heather hasn’t sounded the alarms yet and I’m still bleeding. A damn inconvenience is what that is.  _

_ “Halt!” I hear a shout as I sprint out of the room with my pack on my back and the basket of food in my hands. There are three guards, the same from yesterday, standing with their rifles at the ready, “Hands in the air and we won’t kill you.” _

_ Heather stands off to the side, a fake terrified expression on her face but I can see that glint in her eyes. The twitch that gives away her lies. _

_ “Heather has been killing guests after their arrival,” I say to them. Might as well try to get them to see reason, “She and her accomplice lured me to a boarded up old house after she stole my pups out from under me and threatened to kill them. In self defense, I killed her little helper.” _

_ “You could be lying to us. How do we verify your story against a woman who’s lived here since the outbreak?” The head guard asks me. _

_ “She’s kept records of her guests. There are at least five undead in the basement of that house. I’d assume that they’re all guests of hers,” I tell them, “I blew off my own fingers in the struggle.” _

_ I show them the bloody hand, half a stump by now, bones and muscles torn to shreds. Blood is still pouring from the wounds. There’s a loud groan from everyone and I can even see a bystander throwing up in the distance. Heather pales considerably and tries to back away from the scene but is boxed in. She looks like a wild beast, cornered.  _

_ “Heather, is this true?” He asked her skeptically, lowering his gun while the others held their aim. She shook her head and sputtered adamantly against my accusations. _

_ “If you don't believe me check her clipboard against the living corpses in that basement. She kept them as trophies.” I say. Disgusting really. Not to mention stupid. If I were going to kill a bunch of people I would try and hide the evidence at least. The guard looks at me hesitantly, “Look, I just came here for supplies and she decided my pups would be a good target. I only hurt those who would hurt us and I'll do whatever it takes to walk out that door with my pups. Whether that be driving off into the sunset having absolutely zero blood on my hands-” I looked down at my bloody hand, “Figuratively. Or I can unleash hell and take out as many of you as I can. Your choice.” _

_ He looks at me calculatingly. He's weighing his options. Seeing if he wants to risk my warning.  _

_ “Nick, Anders, go check the house. Heather you're staying right here.” He orders. The two guards comply and run off to the house I described.  _

_ “Wade, you can't possibly believe him over me? He attacked Me! Killed Mark! He-he’s an animal!” Heather squeaked indignantly. _

_ “I'm not going to condemn a man without solid evidence.” He tells her sternly then turns to his radio, “I need a medic down at the outer ring. Guest hotel, and be quick about it.” a loud affirmative responded and the small crowd that had gathered to watch is silent. Guess no one else has anything better to do. We wait a few minutes before a pickup truck pulls up. Thank God too. Cuz not only am I dizzy, but the pain is starting to numb and that’s not a good sign.  _

_ The community doctor takes one look at me and shakes his head. He throws open the tailgate and tells me to sit. Sadly, no one takes their gun off of me. Heather continues her ranting of how ridiculous this entire occasion is. But everyone around her looks about ready to punch her in the mouth to get her to shut up. Makes me wonder what this girl is like for the people who live here. They obviously really don’t like her. She must drive everyone nuts. The doctor gives me one word instructions. ‘Sit’, ‘hold still’, ‘stop fidgeting’, ‘please stop trying to take over’. Things like that. He gives me some pain killers which I am extremely grateful for. After getting my hand clean, sewn up and bandaged, I’m good to go. _

_ “Thanks.” I tell the short man. He just nods and leaves as if it were nothing. As if patching up someone’s hand like this is no biggie. It probably isn’t. _

_ “This is ridiculous!” Heather still sputters, “He’s lying!” Her blue eyes flare in anger. She looks absolutely feral. The two guards that had been sent off earlier return, looking completely rattled. _

_ “Well?” Wade asks anxiously. _

_ “Five walkers, sir,” Anders says, “He’s telling the truth.” _

_ Silence is not golden in that moment. The guards all look disturbed.  _

_ “I recognized three of them. All of them were given to Heather.” Nick says darkly. _

_ Wade looks at me apologetically. It doesn’t take him long to process everything. Props to him. The crowd even backs away. I’m sure most of them are going to flee now. Just as fast as I plan on leaving.  _

_ “I’m sorry, man. We’ll deal with her. We can’t offer enough of an apology.” Wade says angrily, “This place is supposed to be a sanctuary. It’s supposed to be a safe place to get a break or stay and settle down. I’m sorry you was harmed, as well as your dogs. That shouldn't have happened. If we had any indication of Heather’s actions or intentions, we would have put a stop to it long ago.” _

_ “This is still a good place, it’s the safest I’ve come across in a long time and that shouldn’t be impacted by one person’s wrongdoings,” I tell him honestly, “No one knew what was going on, she’s a very good actress. But eventually someone would have caught onto her lies.” _

_ “She’s deceived our trust and that won’t go unpunished.” Wade says. The only reason I’m not going to freak out right now is because I know that he’s got this taken care of. He’ll clean up the mess and set everything back to right again. She won’t hurt anyone anymore, “I can’t thank you enough for exposing what was really going on.” _

_ I give him a nod and shake his outstretched hand. Heather lets out an Earth shattering scream and lunges for me. Her manicured nails ready to claw my eyes out and out of pure reflex, I draw my gun before anyone can even process what’s happening, aim and fire. The shot is deafening. SIlence falls harder than ever when Her body thumps to the ground like yesterday’s trash. A bullet right between the eyes kills her dead. _

_ “You should really let your guests have their weapons back. I get that safety of your people is important but they need to be able to protect themselves too,” I tell Wade, “This pistol is the only reason I’m alive right now.” _

_ He gives me a stiff nod and signals the others to lower their guns as I put the pistol back in my waistband. _

_ “I would really like to leave now, if that’s alright with you.” I say bluntly. Wade nods in agreement. _

_ “I’ll escort you out.” He says.  _

_ He sends his guards off somewhere else and follows me back to my room. He stands outside while I change into the new clothes I got. My old snow jacket is drenched in blood. Can’t keep that. No, and blood loss is makin’ me woozy so I need a snack so I don’t crash the car as soon as I make it out of here. He helps me cart my shit to the car. Nice guy, really. Still very hesitant to take his eyes off me and speak to me, but he’s nice. The wolves hop into the back of the jeep when I set the backseat down so they can lay in the back. When I’m safely in the driver’s seat, starting up the engine, Wade strolls up next to the window. _

_ “Thank you.” He says.  _

_ One last thank you. I give him a stiff nod and slowly drive out of the compound. This trip was both a detriment and beneficial. Sure, I lost two of my fingers and a little more of my sanity but I got a car and we’re all still in one piece. Where it counts at least. Can’t count this as a loss and I guess that’s the important thing. Who am I kidding. _

_ There’s no way in hell am I ever going to stop in another community ever again. _

_ No, I’m far better off on my own. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DTLcR5awn0
> 
> Sorry, life got in the way of my writing but here's an extra long chapter :)


	17. Open Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the wait, I got sick and I'm still trying to recover. Here's another chapter, let me know how you guys like it and thank you for being patient with me!

After breaking the ice with his story, it became much easier to share with the pack. Stiles was still hesitant to share the more gruesome stories but he was happy to share about his travels. About the status of certain cities when he passed through them and about all the places he’s been. Stiles was always adamant about seeing the sights wherever he was. He had seen the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, the Empire State Building, and so much more. 

Stiles has managed to heal well under the watchful eye of the Alpha and the diligent care Mira provided. All in all, Stiles has never felt so cared for. He’s able to move around now, after weeks of laying in bed and struggling to perform even the simplest of movements. Now, he’s up and able to walk around. It’s snowing lightly outside one morning, and Stiles wants nothing more than to sit outside by the fire for a little while. So Derek bundles the human up and helps him into a comfy chair by the fire. Derek drapes a blanket on the human’s shoulders and dotes on him.

“Alright, mother hen,” Stiles teases, “Quit worrying about me so much and take a seat.”

The Alpha huffs in mock annoyance but sits by the human’s side and keeps him company. Stiles isn’t sure when he started to like hanging around the Alpha, he isn’t sure what to do with the feelings he has for Derek. The wolf is always around him, never straying for more than a few minutes at a time. And Stiles knows he should be angry at that. He knows he should want his privacy. He should want to be alone but he just can’t bring himself to feel that way. After being completely dependant on the wolves, he finds that he’s actually enjoyed being in their company. He’s enjoyed laying in Derek’s bed, safe and warm in the care of that brooding Alpha. He’s enjoyed the ability to just stand still and heal. In more than just the physical. Derek reads to Stiles when they are laying around the cabin and talks to him whenever Stiles feels like talking. Sometimes they sit in silence, but it’s comfortable and secure. Stiles likes that. He likes that Derek has been constant and that he’s been caring. Stiles hasn’t had that in a long time. He even likes when the rest of the pack shows up in the cabin, just to hang out with him. To Stiles, it feels like he’s found it, he’s found home. 

Derek has no idea how to even confront his feelings for the human. The feelings that have grown stronger and stronger over the weeks that Stiles has been in his care. Derek loves the smell, the sound, the very existence of Stiles. Derek knows that Stiles has come a long way in such a short amount of time and he can’t help but feel encouraged by this. Stiles is open and so willingly open with Derek that the Alpha preens at the human. Derek has no idea what to do next. It takes all his self control not to grab Stiles and scent him, to hold him and kiss him. The others have noticed the Alpha’s restraint and seem to revel in it but Derek knows that Stiles still needs time. So they sit in companionable silence, perfectly happy to be out in nature together. 

“When I first got here, it felt like a dream come true. I thought. . .I thought I could live out the rest of my life surrounded by nature.” Stiles says out loud, “It took me so long to find it but I did. I found home here with you, and the pack.”

Derek looks at him, silently calculating each and every word the human speaks. 

“I used to pray a lot. Pray for deliverance, for safety, for. . .I don’t know. I used to pray for a lot of stuff. And after a while, it just got to be too much for me. I couldn’t keep looking to some higher power. I started losing faith in God, in myself. I think that’s what made it so hard for me to keep going. Once I lost that faith that someone was looking out for me, I felt completely abandoned. Then I didn’t  _ want _ to keep going. It felt pointless to keep walking through this miserable wasteland when there’s nothing to live for. Then the wolves came into the picture and I started to have faith again. I wasn’t completely alone. And when we finally made it here, it was like everything had finally fallen into place. I felt like. . .my eyes were finally opened.” Stiles says, absently staring into the fire. 

“This place is better now that you’re here.” Derek says gently. 

“I’ve been thinking more and more, about what I went through to get here. And I can’t help but think about about all the close calls, all the near misses. I could have easily ended up dead or in some other community,” Stiles says thoughtfully, “I never knew just how close I came to losing something so. . .amazing. You. . .your pack. . .this is all so amazing. And the more I think about it, the more it seems like fate pushed me to keep going. Fate put me here. I mean, I can’t find a better word for it.”

“Destiny. . .” Derek grins. Stiles can’t help but chuckle at Derek’s adorably little grin.

“Semantics,” Stiles smirks, “My point, is that I’ve never been in a place that makes me feel so safe, with people who make me feel. . .wanted. So. . .thank you, I guess, for keeping me.”

“Stiles, you belong here just like anyone else in the pack. Having you here has made me realize that the entire time we’ve been here, we’ve been missing something and I think that something was you. And when you showed up here, it was like that spot had finally been filled.” Derek says, not daring to look at Stiles’ stunned face.

“You’re rather poetic when you wanna be, huh Sourwolf?” Stiles chuckles.

“Only around you,” Derek rolls his eyes. 

They fall back into a comfortable silence and after a few hours of sitting outside, Stiles is chilled to the bone and Derek insists on returning inside. 

“Derek,” Stiles calls the Alpha’s attention, “When I first came to the park, why didn’t you kill me?”

“I was going to at first,” He smirked, “But my betas encouraged me to go see you first. To actually look at you and then decide if I wanted to kill you. I was on my way to kill you but when I saw you. . .when I smelled you? I couldn’t do it.” He says hesitantly. As if worried for Stiles’ reaction, “You smelled like. . .like pack. Which was very unnerving. So we watched you. For a long time, just watching to see what you were like. I didn’t want to let some psycho into my home. But the more and more I watched you, I could see that you just wanted a home, somewhere to belong. And I wanted to give you that.”

“What took you so long?” Stiles asks quietly, taking in all the words Derek is offering.

“I was afraid. After so many years of building up our walls and carefully making decisions, I wasn’t ready to let in the unknown. But I guess fate got a little restless and took the decision out of my hands.” Derek chuckled, “I knew I could trust you when you brought the pups home safe. When they told me about how you took care of them and saved them from certain death. Only to leave because you didn’t want to encroach on another’s home.”

“Why did you decide to keep me?” Stiles asks hesitantly. The hope in his eyes burns brightly and for a moment, Derek isn’t sure how to breathe.

“Why does anyone decide to keep anything? Because I like you,” Derek confesses, “Because not only do I like you, but so does my pack and we would be idiots- I would be an idiot if I let you go.”

Stiles is quiet after this revelation. He feels his heart thrumming in his chest powerfully, nervously. He’s telling himself that the feelings the Alpha is expressing are only that of familial love. Not that of something more.  _ He couldn’t love me. _ Stiles thinks. And that thought echoes in his head like a terrible lyric. 

“Stiles-” Derek grasps at the human’s cold hand, “Whatever you’re telling yourself. Stop.”

“Derek, I-”

“I know we’ve only just begun to trust each other, at least. . .I hope we have,” Stiles gives him a nod, “Then all I want now is to get to know you more and maybe if you- I mean- If you want to, maybe we could spend some time, just the two of us-” 

Stiles’ eyes widen and he’s struck silent.  _ D-did he just ask me out on a. . . on a date?”  _ Stiles isn’t sure how to respond, all he wants to do now is tread carefully because he really does want to go out with Derek. He wants that very much. 

“O-or not, totally okay,” Derek stutters, taking Stiles’ silence as rejection, “I would really like us to be friends-”

“No!” Stiles shouts. Derek flinches back, “I’m sorry, no I mean-shit- I would very much like to spend time with you. As more than just friends.” 

Derek almost does a double take, a brilliant smile overtakes his face. The Alpha is stunned, but pleasantly so. He can’t stop the unbridled happiness that burns through him. 

“Why do you want me?” Stiles can’t help but ask. His insecurities getting the best of him, “I’m human. I break easily and I’m-”

“Perfect.” Derek interrupts, “You’re perfect the way you are, as corny as that sounds. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve only ever been yourself. And who you are. . .is amazing. You’re selfless and kind, loyal. . . intelligent. You’re everything I could ever want in a partner.”

“But I-I’m-”

“Why would you want to date me?” Derek asks with a soft smile.

“Are you kidding?” Stiles laughed, “I mean, look at you! You’re like a damn swimsuit model.” Derek chuckled at that. Laughing at Stiles’ obvious admiration of his body, “But seriously, who wouldn’t want a dedicated, caring Alpha who just happens to look like he stepped out of a cologne commercial.”

“Well then I guess we’re just meant to be.” Derek chuckles.

“I’m a high maintenance boyfriend,” Stiles says warningly, “I’m no cheap date either.”

“Is that so?” Derek’s eyebrow raises in amusement. 

“Yup,” Stiles smiles, “And I don’t put out on the first date either, big guy, so you’re out of luck.”

Derek barked out a laugh and grinned deviously, “How virtuous of you.”

“Damn right.” Stiles grins. 

The Alpha and the human stare at each other a moment longer, smiles permanently etched on their faces. 

“I must have some higher power looking out for me because whoever sent you to me. . .I have a feeling I have a lot to thank them for.” Derek says earnestly.

“Eh, it wasn’t so hard getting here,” The obvious lie in the human’s words but rolls his eyes at his nonchalance. 

“I can’t tell you how much you mean to the community. . . how much you mean to me.” Derek says. Stiles isn’t good with honesty, he isn’t good with serious situations. He’s the comic relief, he’s the one who jokes to diffuse the tension. But with Derek, somehow, he doesn’t feel that urge to supplement his own humor into this situation. No, he sees the warmth in Derek’s eyes, the honesty in the lines on his face, he sees the truth of Derek’s emotions and reads them like a book. 

“It’s been like a dream, being here. And I love being here. I love being a part of the community, I love. . .” Stiles loses his words, not knowing what to say now that it’s all out there.

“I know.” Derek says.

The two of them sit in silence for a while, sipping on hot tea that Derek made. The cabin is warm and the two men are happily tucked into Derek’s bed, doing their own thing. Stiles knits silently as Derek reads silently. It’s pleasant and calming. For a while, they are uninterrupted. And their time together, Stiles and Derek both treasure. 

Stiles should have known that someone would eventually come in and shit on their moment. Scott and Erica come barging into the cabin, looking flustered and worried. It sends a rough shock through the cabin at the stark change in atmosphere.

“Alpha!” Erica shouts. Then the two of them start yelling things all at once and Stiles is feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden.

“Shut it!” Derek calls for silence, “Now will  _ one  _ of you please tell me what’s going on.”

“Massive blizzard. Thirty minutes out.” Erica huffed, “It’s a freak storm! Just popped up out of nowhere!” 

“We’re not ready, normally we have a day or two to prep, this is just. . .it’s insane!” Scott says, flustered.

“What I don’t understand is why the hell aren’t you two getting everything prepped? Doe anyone but me know about this?” Derek questioned in a tone not unlike a parent scolding their child.

“Well of course we told people. . .” Scott shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

“Can I help?” Stiles asks, already starting to get out of bed, wincing at the sifting of his wounds. Derek halts his movement.

“Stay here, stay in bed.” Derek instructs him, “I’m going to go make sure everything is locked down for the storm.” 

“Der-” Stiles begins to argue but Derek quickly puts a stop to it. 

“I’ll be back within thirty minutes. I want you safe, inside.” Derek tells him, “I’m just going to do a quick run around and grab what we need, you’re staying here where you’re warm and safe.” Derek pleads with his eyes or Stiles not to argue. 

The human nods reluctantly and settles back into bed. Derek gives him a grateful smile and follows his betas out of the room. Just like he promised, he moves quickly through the community, yelling out orders to his betas. Mira is working overtime with her team to get baskets filled with food for everyone to take back to their cabins. Firewood is being doled out and supplies are being passed around. The afternoon patrol comes sprinting in with Boyd in the lead. 

“Storm.” Is all Boyd says, brushing the snow from his shoulders.

“I want everyone in their cabins! Grab what you can and go!” Derek shouts to everyone. 

He runs to Mira and gets a basket full of food for himself, Stiles and the wolves. Who have all, very thoughtfully kept the meat stores all full with game. He instructs Erica and Scott to make one last run, knocking on doors and making sure everyone is in. The wind picks up with a vengeance and snow is whipping around like crazy. Derek is already having trouble seeing through the white out.

“Derek!” He hears Erica shout over the wind, “We’re all good! Scott and I are heading in! You should too!” 

“Be safe! Stay warm!” He shouts back.

“You too! Take care of Stiles!” Erica shouts back at him. 

He makes his way back to his cabin, fighting through the snow and when he finally reaches his door, he tosses himself inside and slams the door closed behind him. The warmth of the cabin hits him and makes his body tense. Stiles looks alarmed at Derek’s entrance. The wolves all eye him with wariness.

“We’re all set for the blizzard. Everyone’s in their cabins and the barns are hunkered down for the storm.” Derek tells Stiles.

“Argo’s gonna be okay?” Stiles asks worriedly.

“He’ll be fine.” Derek says, “Let’s just focus on keeping the cabin warm.” Derek says.

The wolves are all curled up on the bed with Stiles. Happily cuddled up with their human in the warm safety of Derek’s bed. The Alpha shakes his head fondly at the three massive puppies. Then he smells it, the rich scent of pregnancy. 

“Stiles. . .I think Gray is-”

“Pregnant? Yeah, I know.” Stiles laughs, “Bout time too. Ol’ girl has been wanting to have her own for a long time but we never found somewhere safe enough until now.”

“You wanted her to get pregnant?” Derek asks, stunned.

“Yeah, I mean, I wanted her to have babies if she wanted to. I’ve never seen her so happy.” Stiles smiles, rubbing behind her ears, “We’ll have pups running around soon enough. It’ll be fun to have pups around again.”

Derek laughs at the excited tone in Stiles’ voice. He puts all the food and wood in their respective places and puts a kettle of water to boil. The sound of Stiles’ knitting needles clicking away and the wind blowing harshly against the cabin is an odd combination, but soothing nonetheless. Derek normally spends snowstorms locked away by himself but with Stiles and the wolves here, he feels oddly comforted. Stiles has been knitting for hours, for days and he’s gotten impressively far on a baby blanket. By the looks of it, he’s almost done. Derek sees the look in Stiles’ face when the human looks at the blanket. With pride. Because he can give something like this to one of the newborn pups. He can make them something. Even though he’s not formally part of the pack, he cares about them, about the littlest of the pack. And that warms Derek’s heart more than anything he could ever imagine.

Fenris and Wilk hop off the bed, allowing Derek to lay next to their human with Gray wedged in the middle. Cups of tea steam by their side. They sit in comfortable silence, resuming their earlier activities with ease. 

“Thank you for letting me stay here with you.” Stiles says, setting his knitting down for the night. The human is tired and he’s starting to fall asleep.

“You’re welcome,” Derek says, “I’m glad you’ve let me take care of you.”

“Me too,” Stiles yawns loudly, shifting in bed and making himself comfortable. Gray shifts to lay by Stiles’ feet, content to stretch out across the bed and snooze. Derek pulls the covers up over Stiles’ shoulders, tucking him in.

“Goodnight, Stiles.” Derek says quietly, smiling fondly at the human.

“G’night.” Stiles mumbles.

Derek stays awake for another couple hours, clinging to consciousness. The Alpha revels in the sound and smell of happy human, lying just beside him. He’s not sure what God he has to thank for this but for now he’ll thank them all. Before long, he falls asleep to the light snoring beside him. When he wakes up several hours later, it’s freezing inside the cabin. The sound of Stiles’ teeth chattering loudly wakes him. The wolves have shifted to cuddling together for warmth and Derek is jarred by the coldness in the cabin. 

“The fuck. . .” He groans, it’s too cold in the cabin for Derek’s liking and he’s worried for his human. Stiles is shivering and his lips are blue, the fire has been out for who knows how long and all heat in the cabin is gone. The storm still rages outside. 

Derek jumps out of bed and puts more wood in the fireplace and gets it started once again, the heat is slow to accumulate. Derek quickly jumps back into bed and pulls Stiles gently into his arms, wrapping the blankets around the human tightly. Stiles mumbles into Derek’s shoulder.

“D-d-derek?” Stiles stutters.

“The fire went out,” Derek explains, “God, Stiles, you’re freezing.” The Alpha wants to cringe at the touch of Stiles’ ice cold skin.

“Oh,” He huffs out. He cuddles into Derek’s body, sending electric shocks up his body.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Derek whispers, “I restarted the fire and I’m not gonna let it go out.” Derek promises.

“I t-trust y-you.” Stiles says confidently. Derek is stunned, again. Because he doesn’t hear a lie in Stiles’ voice. No, he only hears the truth and having the trust of this human makes Derek feel like everything is right in the world, like everything has fallen into place. Derek nuzzles the top of Stiles’ head and scents him.

“Thank you.” He whispers into his chestnut brown hair. 

Stiles feels so good in Derek’s arms. The Alpha doesn’t know when he’s ever felt so complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XadKsSyq-kc


	18. Home

Stiles is completely healed by the time Grey is ready to birth her pups. It’s mid spring and there’s still snow on the ground. It won’t melt for another four to six months but it’s not snowing nearly as much as it used to. It’s been nearly two and a half months since Derek could scent pregnancy on the wolf and Stiles took exceedingly good care of his wolf during her pregnancy. Stiles is expecting Gray to whelp soon. Gray has been slightly more aggressive lately but that is to be expected. Especially when it comes to her being pregnant. She’s especially protective of herself while pregnant and no one could find fault in that. The promise of pups in the community is exciting and not only are there now two werewolf babies, soon to be three, there is also soon to be several wolf pups that will grow alongside the community. Stiles is absolutely ecstatic about having pups around again. He remembers caring for the three wolves when they were small enough to fit in his hands. He can’t wait to do so again. He knows that it takes a pack to raise pups and Gray knows that too.

Since Stiles has been staying with Derek while he was on the mend, they began their relationship. It started slow, with the two men seeking comfort in one another at the end of the day. They would lay together and Stiles would relish in the feeling of being wrapped in Derek’s arms. He absolutely loves staying with the Alpha. Especially since said Alpha doesn’t mind his habits. The constant chatter, knitting, and sarcasm being the most common. The others being double, sometimes triple checking the locks, darting eyes and an elevated heart rate, flipping his pillow when he has nightmares. Derek doesn’t mind any of them and he knows that Stiles feels safe in the community and especially safe with him despite the habits. When Stiles is fully healed and able to take care of himself, the Alpha and the human come to a crossroads. They were unsure of where to go from living together to. . .well, it was still undecided. 

Derek wants Stiles to continue living with him. Having Stiles so ingrained into his everyday life for so long had become something cherished. Derek couldn’t imagine  _ not  _ having Stiles in his life like that. He couldn’t imagine waking up alone to a cold bed and a cold cabin. He couldn’t imagine drinking tea in his home alone. He couldn’t imagine walking from his home to Stiles’. He couldn’t picture his home  _ without  _ Stiles. He  _ needs  _ Stiles. But he also couldn’t bring himself to tell his human all this. The werewolf has no idea how to even speak about his feelings towards Stiles let alone deal with them. All he knows is that he wants Stiles to stay and wants him to continue on as they have these past few months. 

Stiles wants Derek to ask him to stay. Having Derek take care of him every day for so long has become something Stiles is very happily accustomed to. Stiles couldn’t imagine  _ not _ having Derek in his life like that. He couldn't imagine falling asleep alone. He couldn’t imagine waking up wrapped in his sheets instead of Derek’s arms. He couldn’t imagine sitting down to knit for several hours without Derek's tea or quiet presence. He couldn’t picture living  _ without  _ Derek. He  _ needs  _ Derek. But he is also terrified of overstaying his welcome. He doesn’t want to ask Derek to stay because he’s afraid that even though he feels so strongly for the wolf that has somehow wormed his way through all of Stiles’ walls and protection, Derek won’t feel the same. He has no idea how to tell Derek about all this. He doesn’t know how to deal with this either. All Stiles knows, is that he wants to stay with Derek and continue to be together in such close proximity. 

They are both exceptionally oblivious to the other’s emotions.

So they dance around the issue. The two terribly oblivious men dance around one another and pretend that there is no issue brewing between them. 

But Stiles feels like their problem in communication is going to come to a head soon. Because despite being so close to one another for months, he feels like their unspoken issue is going to cause more problems. 

Derek is struggling to figure out how to tell Stiles that he wants him to continue living with him. 

Stiles is struggling to figure out how to tell Derek that he wants to stay.

Erica is struggling to figure out how to  _ not  _ bang both their heads together and force them to work through their issues together.

The situation really becomes a problem when Gray becomes very distressed. Just a few days away from giving birth and the wolf needs to nest. She needs to build her den somewhere and she doesn’t know where to do that. Stiles sees this when she comes back to Derek’s cabin, heavy with pups and whines at him in the most heartbreaking of ways. He just about slaps himself for being so inconsiderate. He knows she needs a nest and she needs it now. His issue with Derek and their living arrangement is going to need to be addressed now. So he stands outside the door to Derek’s cabin and bites the bullet. 

“Der?” He shouts out the door. Wolves are going about their business, fulfilling their individual roles in the camp and not one of them looks strangely at him for shouting for their Alpha. He knows that Derek is in the barns with Mira, tending to the gardens. He’s still within hearing range. He reenters the house and looks at his distressed wolf with apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry baby. I should’ve pulled my head out of my ass sooner.” Stiles sighs. Gray simply rolls her eyes and nudges his hand, asking to be scratched behind the ear. A small whining noise emanating from her chest, “I know I need to deal with this. Problems don’t just disappear.”

He admits to her. A few minutes later, Derek walks into the cabin, shaking the snow off his feet. He looks to Stiles with a happy smile that is quickly wiped off his face when he sees the seriousness on his human’s face and smells the anxiety in the air. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks quickly, bracing himself for whatever is to come next.

“Gray needs to nest.” Stiles says quietly, timidly. And the whole issue dawns on Derek. You could hear a pin drop in the silent cabin, “We-uh-we need to decide where she’s going to do that. And wherever her nest is, I’m going to be.” Stiles says, breaking the silence.

“Oh,” Derek utters in a strained voice, suddenly nervous.

“I know that we’ve been staying here for a while and I just. . .” Stiles says strained, “I just need to know what happens next.”

Derek knew he would have to have this conversation with Stiles at some point. It needs to happen, he knows this. In that moment, he swallows his fear and insecurities. He needs to be the Alpha that he knows he is. He needs to settle this.

“Stiles, I know that since you’ve been living with me, you’ve enjoyed it and I have as well. I just want you to know that no matter where you decide to live, I will still be here. Still in this relationship with you. I’ve loved having you here, Stiles, I’ve loved waking up to you and holding you at night. I’ve loved sitting and reading while you knit. I’ve loved having your scent in the cabin, honestly, I don’t think I could give it up.” Derek confesses. But if you feel like you need space or if you want to go back to living on your own, I’ll do my best to let you go do that.”

They are silent for a few minutes after Derek’s confession, both of them in stunned silence. Stiles is processing Derek’s words, thinking them over and feeling his own emotions at the same time. Derek  _ wants  _ him to stay. Derek  _ loves  _ having Stiles around. Stiles could stay if he wants to. And he definitely wants to. 

“So you would let me and the wolves stay here? With you?” Stiles asks, “Even when the pups are born? You want to have all of us here?”

“I want all of you, and your pack. I want all of it.” Derek confirms, suddenly feeling very excited.

“I gotta warn you. . .we’re a bit of a handful. And all those pups running around and yipping all night long? It’s not gonna be fun,” Stiles warns the Alpha with a small grin.

“I’ll get used to it.” Derek says, a smile matching Stiles’ spreads across his face.

Silence falls over the two of them once more and for a moment, they just stare at each other. Then Stiles launches himself at Derek and the Alpha catches him without hesitation or complication. Stiles laughs jovially and hugs Derek tightly. The Alpha lets loose a happy rumble and hugs his human tightly. Then Stiles pulls back slightly, staring into pools of green and kisses Derek’s lips. Derek is shocked for a moment then slips into the kiss smoothly. Derek thinks that his human’s lips are the softest things he’s ever felt. Stiles kisses exactly like his personality, he kisses excitedly and with passion. The Alpha can feel the emotion in the kiss and loves every moment of it. Stiles is sure that Derek’s kisses are the best things he’s ever encountered. The Alpha is firm and gentle. He’s solid and entirely too good at kissing. 

Stiles is sure he’s falling for this man.

Derek is sure he’s falling for this man.

Erica is sure she’s about ready to explode.

“Finally!” Her voice echoes from the porch where she’s looking in through the window and grinning, “I thought you two would  _ never  _ talk it out!”

The two men laugh at their friend’s obnoxious spying. But they’re both happy and relieved, slightly miffed at themselves for not talking about this sooner and making it out to be more than it was. And out of all of them, Gray is the happiest because she can now  _ finally  _ build her nest in the cabin because she knows that these pups were not going to wait much longer.

 

. . .

Stiles helped Gray put together her nest. He laid pillows down in a corner of the cabin’s living room, forming a circle with raised edges. He laid comforters and soft blankets on top of the pillows for her then laid an elk fur blanket on top of everything, making a nest of the cosiest proportions. Gray shifted some pillows making a nice little divet for herself and then laid down on the bed, panting tiredly. She’s perfectly happy with her nest and perfectly surrounded by warmth and love. A perfect place for her to give birth. 

Not the most wild place for a wild animal, but still good.

That night, he brings her dinner and stays by her side but Gray hardly eats any and is restless. She struggles to get comfortable and pants heavily. Stiles knows that it will be any moment now that she lays down and whelps. Gray becomes very agitated and won’t let Stiles near her so he quietly exits the cabin and sits out on the porch with Derek, fussing with his scarf nervously.

“She’ll be alright, Stiles.” Derek assures him with a small smile, “When she’s done we can go inside and see the beans.” the Alpha teases. 

Stiles nods but can barely focus on Derek. He’s too worried for his pup. Derek knows this and pulls his human into his lap, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. Stiles wakes up for a minute, suddenly becoming very aware of the hot lips pressed to his neck. This activity is something he can get behind. Derek is more than happy to distract his boyfriend with a few kisses, maybe even a slow and gentle makeout session. 

The rest of the pack have been ordered to stay out of the cabin, with Gray being very protective of her pups, no one wants to be on the receiving end of a postpartum wolf attack. Wilk and Fenris have been instructed to stay with the boys for a few days while Gray has her pups and settled down a little before they come sniffing around the pups. Stiles knows that they’re sad they can’t be there for their sister but they’re also perfectly happy staying with their second favorite humans. 

The human and the Alpha sit on their porch, cuddling and kissing once and awhile to keep Stiles distracted. And three hours later, Derek can hear whining from inside the cabin. Within the hour, the first pup is born and he tells Stiles this. Stiles grins like an idiot and asks his boyfriend for more details. 

“It’s healthy, whining and everything, already suckling.” Derek says. Twenty two minutes later the next pup comes. Derek informs his human when each whimpering pup enters the world for the next two and a half hours when six pups are born. 

“Six! Holy shit!” Stiles bounces excitedly. They wait outside for a few more minutes, allowing Gray to calm down and get acclimated to the six new little mouths all vying for attention. When they re-enter their cabin, she’s just finished cleaning the last pup. 

Stiles gasps and starts tearing up when he sees Gray, her soft grey fur housing six pups. Three of which are different shades of russet brown and the other three different shades on the grayscale. One with pitch black fur, one identical to Gray’s coloring and the third with pale white fur. They’re all tiny and wiggling little beans, whining and crying as they suckle their mother’s teats. Stiles is overcome by emotion and isn’t sure how to express it. Similarly, Derek is speechless and in awe of Gray’s newest accomplishment.

“They’re so beautiful,” Stiles’ voice cracks with emotion, “Oh Gray. . .” Stiles whispers.

The way she looks at her human conveys all the emotions she feels. The love and devotion to her pups and the happiness she feels. She thanks him with a gentle lick to his hand and curls around her progeny, ready to sleep. Stiles smiles at her and turns to Derek.

“Let’s go to bed.” Stiles whispers. The Alpha nods and sets about locking the cabin down for the night and putting on some more wood by the fireplace before slipping off his clothes and settling into bed beside his boyfriend. He pulls Stiles into his arms, just as exhausted as the human and his wolf.

Stiles cuddles into Derek’s side happily and snuffles against his neck. That night, the pair fall asleep to the sound of pups and crackling fire. It’s entirely too beautiful and serene for Stiles to comprehend. He’s finally done it. He’s finally found home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neCBXHmcSVc


	19. Take Care of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So long chapter, I really want to wrap this one up in the next chapter so the next one will be the last, please don't be saddened, I'll make the next chapter a good one. Please let me know what you think, what you wanna read, what you hate, etc. Thanks!

A few months pass and summer is in full swing in the park. Stiles has never been happier. The weather is perfect, the community is blooming, and it seems like the world is finally starting to come together. With the birth of the pups seemed to come a whole new birth of life around them. The park is entirely alive and Stiles  _ loves  _ it. Stiles has just finished another knitting class with one of the pack mothers, sending her on her way with a massive basket of yarn to use and her own knitting needles. Derek is busy working on expanding the garden barn and building a new greenhouse. Mira is hard at work with her boys at her side and a team of her gardeners, working through the day and the night to get everything planted and grafted. Stiles always hated grafting and propagating new plants. It’s time consuming and laborious. Not to mention, you don’t always get a new plant out of the deal. More often than not, it’s a failure. At least, it is in Stiles’ experience. 

The lambs have been born, piglets weaned, and chicks hatched. The community is thriving and Stiles is sure that life around here is going to get even more interesting. Stiles hasn’t done much hunting in weeks and honestly, he misses it. But he’s been far too busy with helping Derek run the community. It’s been busy, managing patrols and counting stock. Setting out rations and divvying up resources. But Stiles loves it. He loves the domesticity he has with Derek when they’re home in their cabin at night. He loves the routine, he loves the consistency. 

Living together has become easy for the soon to be Alpha pair. They’ve slowly become more and more intimate, kissing and touching. Stiles is hesitant to initiate anything further and Derek is understanding and accommodating.The Alpha never once questions his human’s fear. However, just like the living situation, the intimacy situation is taking a toll on both of them. And just like all their issues, it quickly becomes a problem that neither of them want to address. So in true Derek and Stiles fashion, they ignore it. 

It’s the middle of summer when they’re forced to confront the issue. It happens at a late night bonfire with the pack. All the children are asleep and the only mated pairs without children surround the fire. They’re all sitting around the fire and laughing. Stiles sits in Derek’s lap, comfortably settled against his boyfriend’s firm chest and wrapped in warm arms. Erica, who is seated in her own mate’s lap, cackles at a joke that Scott said only a moment earlier. 

“So, Stiles, what is sex with our Alpha like?” Erica asks bluntly, causing Stiles to spit the water he had been drinking. 

“What?” He coughed out. In true Erica fashion, she’s zeroed in on their issues once more and instead of waiting for them to talk it out, she’s forced their issue out into the open.

“Erica, it’s none of your business.” Derek grounds out, gripping his mate closer to him.

“Oh come on! Walls are thin, wolfman, and we would all know if y’all were bangin cuz everyone would hear it. Just like with the rest of us.” She rolls her eyes, “Are you two ever going to hit it?” Stiles is taken aback for a moment by her tone and feels the heat rush to his face.

“We’ll have sex when Stiles is ready for it.” Derek says tersely. 

“Ah, so Stiles is the one holding up the D-train? Interesting. . .” Erica smirks. 

“The D-train?” Stiles almost laughs.

“I’m surprised you two haven’t fucked yet, honestly. I have no idea what could be holding the two of you back,” Erica shrugs, “It’s like you’re  _ afraid  _ or something. I mean, Stiles, Derek couldn’t possibly surprise you with whatever he’s packing, right? You afraid of losing your virtue or something”

“Alright,” Stiles sighs and gets to his feet, “I’m done with this conversation. Night everyone.” He salutes to everyone in the circle and trudges back to his cabin. He knows that Erica’s devious little smirk means that she knows exactly what she’s doing and Stiles absolutely does  _ not  _ want to play this game with her. So he bids everyone goodnight and hides. He could hear Derek scolding her and putting her on an extra patrol then following after his boyfriend. Inside the cabin, Stiles greets Gray and the pups then quickly retreats to their bedroom, quickly followed by Derek.

“She was just being annoying, Stiles, I’m sorry.” Derek says to the human.

“It’s alright, she didn’t mean anything by it,” Stiles sighs.

“She kinda did have a point,” Stiles looks at Derek as though he’s just slapped him, making the Alpha backpedal, “I mean, She didn’t have to blurt out your issues but she was right. You’re afraid to be intimate with me. . .” Stiles groans exasperatedly.

“It’s none of her business.” Stiles says adamantly.

“But it is my business.” Derek says. He approaches Stiles slowly, “You know I’d never force you but why don’t you try and talk to me about it?” he practically pleads with Stiles.

But Stiles feels as though he’s been cornered by his fear. He feels as though it’s closing in, the memories are closing in and he’s just not ready to confront them. He’s not ready to see those faces yet. And he feels the strong urge to make a run for it. He feels like he’s being suffocated in his own home and he needs to get out. And the light at the end of the tunnel is his bug out bag, sitting on the floor, under the bed, and staring at him. The bag that he had packed months ago on the fear that he might need a quick getaway and now seems like the perfect time to use it. Derek had objected to having the bag in the first place, arguing that the park is completely safe and Stiles would have no need for the bag. But the knowledge that he has a quick way out makes him feel better, so Derek relented. Now the Alpha can’t remember ever hating an object more.

“I need to go.” Stiles blurts before he can stop himself.

“What?” Derek asks, alarmed and frightened. His wolf practically whines.

“Just for a few days,” Stiles mumbles, pulling out his bug out bag, “Hunting trip.” he slings the bag over his shoulder, strapping it to himself and sliding his rifle onto his person.

“Stiles, you can’t just run from me, or from your problems!” He says angrily, “We have to talk about this.”

“Just need a few days,” Stiles says, completely losing focus on anything but getting out. The panic is closing in and Derek can smell it. 

“You’re just upset right now, you’re not thinking clearly-”  
“Need to go.” Stiles says, breaking away from Derek and walked out of the cabin, murmuring a quick goodbye to a worried Gray, “Need to go.”

“Stiles!” Derek objects loudly, earning concerned stares from onlookers, “Just wait a minute!”

But he doesn’t. Stiles can’t see Derek. He can’t see the pack. He can’t see where he is. All he can see is the path to Argo and the forest ahead of him. He can feel the cold metal of his rifle against his hands and he can distantly hear Derek’s voice. His mind blocks out all images of his past. He walks briskly to his horse, with Derek trailing after him, too worried to touch his boyfriend and too scared of him leaving. 

“Stiles,  _ please _ ,” Derek begs, “Talk to me.”

“Need to go,” Stiles repeats monotonically.

“You can’t go out there alone,” Derek growls, “It’s too dangerous.”

Stiles just ignores him and pulls open the stall, throwing the saddle up and over Argo’s back and buckles it on almost mechanically. Argo picks up on the state of his rider and nudges him carefully. Stiles seems to calm for a moment and come a little closer to reality. 

“I just need a few days, Derek.” Stiles entreats, “Three days. In three days, I’ll be sitting lakeside with my kills and. . .I’ll talk. I just. . .I can’t right now. Please. Just give me a few days.”

Derek looks so unsure. Fearful and tired. He wants more than anything, for Stiles to just step away from the horse and come back to their cabin.  But Derek knows that Stiles has issues. Stiles comes with baggage and sometimes, it’s too heavy for just him to carry and it takes time for Stiles to see that he isn’t alone. For Stiles to just pick up and sequester himself away to deal with it on his own, this issue must be pretty big for Stiles. So he looks at his human pleadingly and tries to suck it up.

“I promise I’ll be back,” Stiles assures him, “Just give me these three days then when we rendezvous, I’ll tell you everything.”

“Three days.” Derek relents begrudgingly, “Three days and you better be by the lake. Please,  _ please,  _ be safe. Stay inside the park.”

Stiles nods in understanding and hesitantly kisses Derek’s cheek. Then he mounts Argo and grasps the reins tight in his hands then spurs him out into the open. The human whistles for his wolves, waiting for only a minute before Wilk and Fenris come bounding out to him, understanding in an instant what their human needs and sprint into the forest, taking the lead. Stiles spurs Argo on and follows his wolves into the woods. Leaving a sad and hurting Alpha behind to wait for the third day to come around so that he could see his mate again.

Derek freezes at that thought. Ice chills his soul as he realizes why this hurts so much, why he cares for Stiles so much, why he even  _ loves  _ Stiles so much.  _ Maybe this is a good chance to really figure out my own feelings. When Stiles comes back, he won’t be the only one with news. When he comes back. He’ll be back. He promised. _

. . .

 

Stiles spends the first day in a haze. He’s in complete autopilot mode, from the time he rides off into the night to when he wakes up the next morning in his tent with his wolves laying on him. He doesn’t remember where he settled down for the night, all he knows is that he’s in the middle of the forest. Stiles is counting on the wolves to get him home. 

Stiles wakes up to the feeling of being consumed by a furnace and wiggles his way out of the tent, onto the grass meadow that’s currently hunkered down in. And he goes about his day on autopilot. Making the fire and boiling his canned soup. It a lackluster breakfast compared to what he’s been spoiled with while at camp but Stiles barely even tasted it. He quickly laced up his boots over his fatigues, it’s the first day he’s worn them in years. His ACU fatigues are a little tighter than he remembers but they’re still fully functional with no holes and not faded. The old digital camo print is a light green and brown allowing him to blend in well with his surroundings. The midsummer’s foliage around the forest is light and thick. He laces up his boots and slips on his tactical vest on, buckling it onto his body. He hasn’t worn it in months, since his last hunt and it’s still full with his bullets and knives. When he pulls on his pistol holster onto his thigh, and the knife sheathes on his other thigh, it’s an hour before sun up. He slings his rifle over his shoulder and double checks that he’s got everything he needs. The hunting bag is slung over his other shoulder and he’s ready to go. 

“Don’t go too far,” Stiles says, patting Argo’s flank, “Stay close in case we catch any big game. I’ll want you to run it back to the pack but keep your distance so you don’t scare away the game. I’ll call you three hours before nightfall to send you back with whatever we kill.”

Argo’s big head nods in understanding and nudges his nose against the side of Stiles’ head, earning a pat from Stiles. Then the horse trots away, leaving Stiles with his wolves. From then on, Stiles is silent. The wolves take his signals and break into a slow run with Stiles between them. The human has always loved hunting. It allows him to focus on the task at hand by giving him noises and sights and evidence to follow. Tracking pulls so many details together that all lead to one conclusion. For now, he runs with the wolves, allowing their senses to lead him. Stiles moves quickly and quietly, his footfalls are swifts and careful. Not unlike the wolves at his side. Stiles loses track of how far they run, he’s not tired, still running at a pace he can keep up with for a while. The sun begins to rise in the park and Stiles is already onto his first kill. 

A coyote is laying in the clearing just ahead of them, not at all concealed. The lack of humans in the area has made these animals bold. Stiles crouches low behind the trees and grabs his rifle off his back. Through the scope, he aims and with an exhale, pulls the trigger. The recoil is minimal with the shock absorber on the butt of the fun and the shot is silent with the silencer. And the coyote falls dead. Stiles doesn’t speak, doesn’t think, just pulls the coyote over his shoulder next to his gun and carries it back to his little station in the woods. The day goes in the same fashion. The wolves hunt on their own for a few hours, feeding themselves while their human sits in the trees, waiting for his prey. 

Five fully grown foxes, two coyotes and one wolf later, he’s trying their legs together on a sturdy branch for him to carry out of the woods and back to his camp in the clearing. By the time he gets there, it’s a little after noon. The sun is high in the sky and if Stiles wants to get some night hunting in, he needs to get a few hours of sleep. He whistles for Argo and until the horse arrives in the clearing, Stiles prepares his lunch. The wolves had caught a small doe and they dragged half of the carcass back to their little campsite for Stiles to butcher for himself and cook. 

“Thanks, guys.” Stiles’ cracked voice startles all of them. He tries not to talk for the rest of the day, letting the wolves eat while he writes a note to attach to his kills.  He roped the animals together, stacking them slightly so that when he straps their bodies to Argo’s back, they won’t fall off or hurt the horse. 

Argo’s strong body carries the weight easily and gives him a gentle nudge before sprinting off to the pack. After pan frying his meat, Stiles eats then shuffles sluggishly into the tent. And in the silence of the midday sun, his mind catches up with him and he’s plunged into memories.

_ Flashback. . . _

_ Stiles runs into the hotel room, slamming the door behind him. The wolves growl at the door and bare their teeth. He grabs his shotgun from under the bed and loads it, aiming at the door. _

_ “Get in the bathroom and stay there,” He orders his wolves. None of which follow it, “Dammit, go now! If they burst in here, you need a quick way of getting out and there’s a hole in the wall leading to the next room. You will leave if your lives are endangered.” _

_ The wolves growl at him, blatantly ignoring the order.  _

_ “I don’t fucking have time for this.” Stiles groans, “Sneak out and after I kill the first three, you guys can come back in and slaughter the other two if I can’t kill them all.”  _

_ This plan was much more suitable to the wolves and they reluctantly left their human’s side but went to do as he asked by sneaking out of the room and out the building. Stiles double checks that the double barrel in his hands is loaded and his knife is within reach. He decided that he’s ready for this fight and when the door is being banged on, his heart is pumping and the adrenaline is spiking. He takes his place by the bed and steadies his heart.  _

_ Then the door crashed in.  _

_ Two men burst into the room, knives swinging. And Stiles fires.  _

_ Once. _

_ Twice. _

_ Two bodies on the ground.  _

_ Two more enter the room, their grins wide and sickening. _

_ “Pin him.” Two words that send shivers down his back. Stiles puts up a good fight. His right hook sends the first bulking bastard into the floor and his knife slashes the second’s left cheek wide open. But they are bigger than Stiles and far meaner, far stronger, and far more healthy. Stiles hasn’t had an actual meal in days. He’s weak and his struggle is over quickly as the two men get a hold of his flailing limbs and pins him down to the bed. And their leader walks in. A massive, disgusting man covered in dirt and grime. He stinks to high heaven and his teeth have nearly rotted out of his skull. But since Stiles ran into this nomadic group of dicks, their leader has had a sick fascination with him and wants nothing more than to be hips deep in Stiles. Whether it be consensual or not.  _

_ With him pinned to the bed and no way of getting free, he’s beginning to freak out. He struggles against his captors and fights with all he can but can’t get free from their disgusting grip.  _

_ “I love when they play hard to get,” Darius sneers at Stiles, shucking off his jacket, “It was fun watching you struggle but now it’s time to face the music.” _

_ Stiles is about to say something snarky. He’s about to scream and throw insults at the hulking mass of degenerate flesh, but Darius slaps a thick piece of duct tape over his mouth, sealing it shut and a cloth is placed over his nose, forcing him to inhale through  the sickly sweet scented cloth. Stiles begins to feel white hot panic shoved down his throat and he feels as though his world is fading in and out.  _

_ “Like that? It’s chloroform. Hard to find but totally worth it,” Darius grins, “It’ll take at least five minutes of inhaling this shit before you pass out but once you do, it’ll be like. . .falling asleep. I sure hope you dream of me. You’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen running through this town in a long time. It’s really a shame you won’t get to be here for what’s going to happen next but I wouldn’t want your pretty little singing voice to ruin everything.” _

_ Stiles feels the panic ebbing and soon gives way to tiredness and the spots in his eyesight. He can feel his arms being bruised by their hands, the duct tape sticking painfully and Darius’ hands roaming his body. He can feels harsh fingers palming his crotch and painfully grabbing his balls. He feels his body begin to give out and the drugs are making him black out.  _

_ Just as his eyes begin to close, he hears the snarls of the wolves. And he feels a pinprick of hope despite the inability to keep his eyes open. And the next thing he knows, the darkness closes in.  _

_ When he wakes up, it’s dark outside. He has no idea what time it is and he doesn’t feel well rested at all. He feels like a massive chunk of time was stolen from him and he feels even more exhausted than usual. The weight of the wolves against his body comforts him slightly and he sees the still bloody bodies of the intruders. Darius’ fae is torn apart and if it weren’t for his old ruddy jacket, Stiles wouldn’t have known who he was. His hands are bitten off.  _

_ “Good wolves,” Stiles groans. Their collective whimpers make him curl into them. The memories of what just happened burn in his mind. The phantom feeling of their rough fingers against his skin sends ice through him. Stiles hates it. He tries to hold in the tears as the knowledge of what almost came to pass. A hiccuping whimper escaped him and the wolves press their noses into his neck, doing their best to comfort him. But Stiles feels as though another part of him has been stolen. Something that, even in the apocalypse, he never thought could be taken. Of all the things this world has stolen from him. . .this only seemed to break him further and harden the shattered parts of him.  _

 

Stiles shuts his eyes and fights the emotions accompanying this memory. He shakes his head vigorously and tries his hardest to bury it. Wilk and Fenris see this and place their massive heads on his legs. Stiles doesn’t want to think about this. He doesn’t want to think about it. He refuses to.

In five hours, the wolves nudge him into wakefulness. It’s just two hours before sundown and Stiles needs to eat then make his way into the woods to set up a perch and feeding station. He’s just finished heating up another can of soup when Argo trots back into the clearing. His back is free from all the animals that Stiles killed earlier in the day and his saddle bag is full of the ropes he used as well as a note from Derek.

_ Stiles, _

_ I can see you’ve had a busy morning. I’m glad you’re safe. Boyd’s been skinning the animals and when you come back the furs will be ready for you to start tanning. I hope you find what you’re looking for out there.  _

_ I’ll be waiting, _

_ Derek. _

 

The note goes into his back pocket. He fills his backpack without a second thought with a blanket and his supplies. He pats Argo on the snout and makes his way into the forest. The next few hours are a blur. He moves with graceful efficiency and makes himself at home in a perch, silently waiting above his feed station, waiting for his prey. As night falls, he feels his unconscious mind forcing another memory on him and he’s lost in it instantly.

 

_ Flashback. . . _

_ The morning is dark. It’s been raining since late the night before, and it has only been getting stronger. The rain practically pours down now, flooding the streets. Stiles is holed up in a house in the suburbs of South Barrington, Illinois. The mansions are still well preserved and he’s very comfortable. It’s the third day of his stay in a very nice, very large victorian style mansion. _

_ “The pool is completely disgusting but since it’s raining, I guess it doesn’t matter much.” Stiles speaks to his wolves while cooking some pasta he found in the cabinets while they munch on dog food he found. _

_ They’re enjoying their time in the mansion, it was fully stocked with food and until they run out, they’ll be staying there. Stiles is still recovering from a fractured ankle and having this little sanctuary is a damn gift. That is, until the door is banged in and a group of people come barging into the sanctuary. Stiles’ hand is on his gun in an instant and he’s crouching behind the island, signaling the wolves to hide. The bickering voices fill the house as they very noisily begin tossing the house. For some reason, this pisses Stiles off. It’s irrational, this isn’t his home. But for some reason, his safe place. .  .temporarily safe place, is being raided.  _

 

No. Stiles refuses to think about it. He won’t think about this. No.

_ “Such beautiful skin,” _

 

No.

 

_ “Tight little ass,” _

No. 

_ “Mouth is perfect-” _

_ “So tight-” _

 

_ “Slut’s enjoying it-” _

 

_ “This is how we’ll keep you. Open and gaping for us. . . good whore-” _

 

No! Stiles launches himself off the perch, slamming down ten feet onto the forest floor. His bones shaking and chest heaving in an effort to breathe as he fought off the voices. He’s repressed these memories for years now, never wanting to face them. Even though it’s been almost three years since this happened, Stiles can still hear their voices so clearly as if they were speaking to him in that moment. He could still feel their hands on his body, their rough fingers pinning him, the cries of his wolves, the sneering laughter. The pain in his ass and groin as they forced.

No.

He refuses to think about it any more. The wolves wine at him to get to his feet, to inspect the damage that falling to the Earth has caused. He groans loudly, scaring off any potential prey in the area. But it doesn’t matter to Stiles right now. He’s fallen on his side, more than likely breaking his arm, judging by the pain in his ulna and the pop he heard in his shoulder. So not only is his arm misshapen at the moment, his shoulder is dislocated. And the pain in his rips leads him to believe that he’s bruised a rib or two. He also managed to fall on jagged rock, scratching his face up and arms. Blood flows from the gash on his temple and the cuts on his arms. 

“Damn.” Stiles groans against the pain and pulls himself up into a seated position, trying to grain his breath back. 

Now he’s thinking. Of all these memories, the horrible memories of people who tried to kill him and rape him. . .he’s managed to shove them away into a carefully guarded box in the back of his mind. After five years of shit, he’s found home and even that isn’t strong enough to make him forget about the memories. He has Derek, the strongest werewolf of them all, the Alpha, and even he isn’t strong enough to get rid of the memories. Stiles came to terms with the memories a long time ago. He knew that he couldn’t change the past and he couldn’t forget for long. He knew that he just had to live with them and know that no matter what happened, he was able to get free. He was able to get away and he was able to kill them. Anyone who hurt him is dead and long gone. Never to hurt him again. And that knowledge alone made him feel better. It never made him forget, but it made him feel some semblance of safety. And as time passed, as he became more guarded and suspicious, more lost, he felt himself let go of his past. Because it seemed like the world couldn’t take anything more from him. He had nothing left to be stolen. 

Then he found this park. Then he found Derek and the pack. And he formed relationships again, he healed, he lived. He grew close to Derek, formed a bond. And slowly, he’s been letting down his walls. It’s been slow going but knowing that Derek would never pressure him, would never force him even though he could, he didn’t. And Stiles knew he could trust Stiles. He could put all of his love, all of his heart and body into his relationship with Derek. So why did he run? Why did he freak out and run from the love of his life. 

The love of his life.

Realizing this knocks the wind out of him once more, sending him deep down into his heart and soul. He knows that he loves Derek. He loves the way that Derek holds him at night, the way that his bunny teeth catch his eye because their part of the most wonderful smile he’s ever seen. He loves the way Derek treats the children and his betas. He loves when Derek runs around nervous despite knowing that everything is fine. He loves the way Derek rubs his beard when he’s thinking and the way his eyebrows are so expressive. But most of all, Stiles loves that Derek makes him feel safe and wanted. Stiles loves everything about Derek. 

Then why did he run?

Because he needed to confront these feelings. He needed to realize that he loves Derek and knows that there is no way in hell he would come away hurt. He knows that Derek would take care of him and love him. He needed to remember, to break down that last wall. So that he could tell Derek, so that they could make love. So that Stiles could really, truly move on. And he can. He will. 

Stiles refuses to let his past, let the world, get in the way of loving the man of his dreams. The love of his life. He won’t let this be the reason they can’t be together. He’s healed, he’s overcome and now, now he can move on.

With Derek.

“But right now, I need a doctor.” Stiles groans, getting to his feet while clutching his arm. He slings his rifle over his good shoulder and makes his way back to the tent where Argo should be and whistles for the horse, “Fuck,” he grunts in pain.

Argo comes running at his call and rolls his eyes when he sees Stiles, clutching his arm, bleeding.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just get me back to camp would you?” Stiles huffs as he mounts to horse, gasping in pain. When Argo runs, he think he might start crying, the movement hurts so badly. It reminds him of when he rode into camp after the mountain lion attack. They’re riding at top speed for almost an hour, the wolves fall behind. By the time Stiles rides into camp, the fire in the center of camp is dim and most everyone is in their cabins asleep. 

“Derek,” Stiles croaks, knowing full well that his boyfriend can hear him. And then the Alpha, shirtless and in haphazardly pulled on sweatpants that hang all too low on his hips. But he spots Stiles and his breath is caught. Because he smells blood and pain. 

“Stiles!” He says breathlessly, running to the human’s side and helping him off the horse gingerly, “What happened?”

“Fell from my perch and landed on my side,” Stiles grunts, “Broken arm, dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs.”

“Christ, Stiles,” Derek grumbles, pulling him against his side and helping him back into the cabin, “I’ve got to go get Mira. Stay here.”

“Not like I’m going anywhere else!” Stiles hugged annoyedly. Derek simply rolls his eyes and sprints off to get the doctor. Stiles sees Gray in the corner with her pups and smiles at her sadly.

“I realized what I needed,” He whispers to her. The she-wolf howls in happiness and gives him a happy grin.

“What the hell did you do to yourself?” Mira bursts into the room with a box of first aid supplies in her hands, “You know you’re the only reason we have to use this stuff.” Her motherly tone makes him grin a little.

“Didn’t mean to,” He says.

“Whatever,” She growls, “You really must be more careful. Alright, take a deep breath, this is going to hurt.”

She puts her hands on his shoulder and pops it back into place making Stiles gasp in pain. Derek reaches out and instantly, his pain is gone. 

“Alright, now for the arm,” Mira says. The next thing he knows, there’s a sting of pain and his arm is set and put in a homemade brace that’s tight enough and restricting enough to simulate a cast. Mira sets on cleaning the head injury while Derek looks at Stiles with sad eyes.

“I thought you were going to be away for a few more days.” Derek says hesitantly.

“I couldn’t wait that long to see you, I guess.” Stiles shrugs painfully making Derek bark out a laugh. 

Derek isn’t sure why Stiles is back so soon. But he’s glad that he’s alright. He hates seeing Stiles injured and when he came riding back into camp, two days ahead of schedule smelling of blood and pain, he was sure that Stiles had been mauled again or something. Derek had felt panicked and terrified for his mate and knew that whatever had made Stiles come back from his self-imposed retreat, must have been important. And now here he is, in the cabin with a broken arm and a plethora of other injuries. But Derek is just happy that he’s here in the cabin with him. Safe and sound.

“Alright, there’s nothing I can do about the ribs. They’ll be painful but you’re just going to have to be gentle with them until they heal. It’ll be a while before the arm heals too, try not to hurt yourself any further galavanting through the forest, would you?” Mira asks sarcastically.

“Yes, ma’am.” Stiles says meekly, looking at Mira with wide eyes. She shakes her head reprimanding and sighs.

“Don’t run off again,” She tells him almost pleadingly.

“I won’t,” Stiles tells her. And Derek doesn’t hear a lie. That makes his heart throb painfully with hope.

When Mira leaves the cabin, the two men sit in silence, unsure of who is going to talk first.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Derek asks timidly.

“I’ll be okay,” Stiles assures him, “Listen, Derek, I need to tell you-”

“Stiles, please, I just need you to know that no matter what, I would never pressure or force you to do something you’re not ready for.” Derek says quickly, “You have to know that.”

“I know, Derek, believe me. I trust you more than anyone on Earth and it’s just-” Stiles sucks in a breath, biting the bullet. He knows that if he doesn’t tell Derek right now, he never will, “These past five years haven’t been. . .the best. You know most of the stories about how I got all my scars. All the times people tried to kill me or I got hurt or. . .all that. But I never told you about the times that I couldn’t save myself. The wolves couldn’t save me and. . .and I was-”

Derek sees the strain in his mate’s voice, in his face and heart. And knows that whatever he’s about to be told is going to be bad. And as Stiles word vomits all of the attacks that he went through over time, he finds himself angrier and angrier at those who would hurt his mate. Stiles tells him quickly and with little apprehension. The human has accepted everything that’s happened to him and knows that none of it is his fault. And when it’s all over, Stiles feels relieved.

“I know you love me and. . .Derek I love you so much,” Stiles confesses, “You’re the only one I can ever picture myself being intimate with, the only one who I want to be intimate with. And I know that when that happens, you’ll be just as you always are. Loving.”

Derek is choked up and for a moment, is unsure of what words he could use to tell Stiles how he feels. So the Alpha simply pulls him into his arms gently and holds his mate. The emotions he scents makes his head spin but the satisfaction of having his mate back in his arms makes his heart soar. 

“Stiles, I love you so much,” Derek tells him, “Please, never feel like you have to hide from me. I can’t stand when you’re away from me. I could hardly stand going to bed alone, waking up alone. I need you so much and I will never turn you away for what’s happened in your past. I love you so much and I’ll take care of you no matter what. I promise.”

Stiles looks up at him with tearful eyes and the two of them remain in each other’s embrace. The two of them know that they’ve overcome the biggest hurdle and now, now they can be together fully. Intimately. Physically. And neither can wait for that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still deeply traumatized by the 6b trailer and haven't stopped screaming.


	20. The Future is Bright

Stiles POV

 

The cast is finally off and the stitches are long gone. My arm and ribs are healed and I’m just glad that Derek isn’t going to keep treating me like a fragile glass doll. He’s been extra careful not to hurt me or jar my body too much. It was fun at first, having him cater to all my needs but now it’s really fucking annoying. It’s like being mauled again. Derek hasn’t let me leave the cabin as much as I would like and at night, he doesn’t hold me as tightly as he used to. But now, now I’m healed and I’m done with this china doll act. So I dig out a pair of swim trunks I salvaged a long time ago and pulled my fatigues on over them. I’m going to the lake today come hell or high water and Derek can suck it up and go with me or stay and be boring. He walks into the cabin as I begin packing all the essentials. It’s a beautiful day out and the lake is going to be teeming with fish. Today, I told Gray that I would be taking the pups to the lake as well and she agreed, now I can watch the pups, fish and catch some sun while she hunts freely. 

The pups are larger now, weighing in at almost thirty pounds and they’re very energetic. They’re also incredibly intelligent and have taken a liking to many of the pack members. But today is a beautiful day and I’ll be damned if I spend another moment in this cabin. Derek walks into the cabin as I’m packing my backpack with food. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Derek asks, eyeing me with amusement.

“I am going to take the pups to the lake today. It’s really nice out and it’s about time they spend some time outside of the community. They’re only going to be this small for a few more weeks.” I tell Derek, “You can either come with me or stay but I’m going.” I tell him firmly and walk out of the cabin, tossing the backpack in the back of the truck. Outside, the pack is running around doing their own thing. Just another day in the community. Then Jackson and Liam come running up to me with massive smiles until they see me packing.

“You’re not leaving again are you?” Liam asks, starting to tear up.

“No, kid, I’m going to the lake today with the pups,” I tell him, ruffling up his hair.

“Oh,” He sniffled, “What are you gonna do there?”

“I’m going to do some fishing, probably some swimming.” I tell them. 

“That sounds like fun, can we go too?” Jackson asks hopefully.

“Only if your mother says yes so go hurry and ask then get what you need for the lake and run back. I wanna leave soon,” I smile at them. They nod eagerly and run off, “Don’t forget to wear those swim shorts I got you!” 

They yelled their agreement and kept running. Derek’s face has changed from an amused grin to slightly upset. His eyebrows are low signaling that he’s upset.

“Don’t give me that, sourwolf. You can come too.” I tell him with a smug smile.

“Fine,” He grumbles and runs back into the cabin to change into something more suitable. He’s just a big ‘ol softie. Next for the pups. I whistle to them and in a moment, there are six, very fluffy and very hyper little pups barging out of the cabin with an amused Gray trailing them. They run up to me and start nipping at my legs and Gray, being the fantastic mother that she is, barks at them to stop. And they do, for the most part. I couldn’t help but laugh, they’re the cutest fucking things since. . .since anything! They’re so awesome. 

“Alright, now we’re going to the lake and I expect all of you to be on best behaviour. Don’t go too far from the group and I know that you will all listen to me,” I tell them sternly, earning yips and whines in understanding, “Alright, everyone’s riding in the bed of the truck, no one will be jumping out at any time.”

Gray barks at them in a reprimanding way, letting them know that I’m in charge. She then looks to me with an exasperated look.

“It’ll be fine. Plus, I’ll have Derek and the kids to reign them in. You go have a good hunt with the boys,” I assure her. She gives me a gentle nudge and runs off, leaving her pups with me, “Alright. Lobo,” I lift up one of the little brown pups and sets him in the bed, “Remus, Romulus, you two next.” 

I lift the next two little brown wolves with almost identical markings into the truck to join their brother. The pups are amazingly playful and immediately the three boys begin play fighting. Down on the ground, Lupa and Asena are fighting just as their brothers. I clear my throat loudly, getting them to separate. The black and white little wolves are hilarious when they fight. It’s like yin and yang with their fur colors. 

“Behave ladies,” I scold them before lifting their bodies into the truck and lastly, the last girl who looks exactly like Gray and has the exact same personality,  “Come on, Cha-cha.” She runs and jumps into my arms, letting me swing her into the bed of the truck. She licks my cheek and sits patiently. 

“Why do we call her Cha-cha?” Liam asks, making his presence known.

“Because her name is Wilczyca,” I tell him, “And it’s too hard to pronounce unless you speak Polish.”

“Oh,” He says, “Mom says we can go! I got all the stuff we need!” His grin lights up the community, I swear.

“Alright, pup. Why don’t you and Jackson get in the back and I’ll go see when our Alpha is gonna join us.” I tell them, and they scurry off to toss their bags in the back seat and slam the doors to the truck closed.

“Der, you ready?” I asked in the doorway. The Alpha stands in shorts and a tight t-shirt, making my mouth water.

“Let’s go,” He grins. Frikin show off.

In the car on the drive over, Derek takes my hand and we drive in silence, listening to the boys chatter on about the garden and all the bugs they’ve been finding. Once we get to the lake, right by my old camper, we set up the picnic table and start the day. The pups absolutely love being outside and running around with the boys. Lobo loves Jackson to death and follows the boy around all day long, splashing and playing in the water. And Asena is in love with Liam. It’s fun to watch the boys playing with the pups. It’s become an everyday thing since their birth but now that they’re older and not far off from when they’re able to live apart from Gray, Stiles knows that at some point, they’re going to want to stay with the boys. And I know for a fact that Mira isn’t too excited about having two wolves in the house with her boys. 

The others are starting to find humans of their own as well. Remus and Romulus hate separating and have found that they enjoy being out in nature just as much as other wolves in the park. I’m not sure they’re going to want to be with the pack when they can finally leave. They’re far more wild than their sisters and brother. Today is easy. All I have to do is set up the fishing pole and wait. Derek sits by my side and enjoys my company as I fish. We listen to the sounds around us, the pups and the boys playing, the wind in the trees and the birds chirping. It’s easy and calm. 

“We should do dinner, just the two of us tonight.” Derek suggests. 

“That sounds great,” I tell him honestly.

“Do you wanna go back and grab some stuff later then we can come back here and stay for the night?” He asks me.

“Yeah,” I say with a new, strained voice, “That sounds awesome.” 

Because I know that this is all leading up to something. He wants me alone with noone around to hear us. So he’s either going to kill me or fuck me and I’m a little more inclined to believe that it’s the latter. At least, I hope it’s the latter. The way he’s grinning at me makes me think it’s the latter. After a few hours of fishing and hanging out with the boys, I’ve managed to catch three fish. Three massive fish. And I took some time out of the day to teach Jackson how to fish. The kid’s a natural. He very excitedly caught another two, large fish. His grin and bright eyes at his catch makes my heart swell. The kid really likes this. I’ll have to find him another fishing pole so he can do this more often. Liam wanted to try too but the poor five year old couldn’t catch anything. He was sad but I promised him that we could keep practicing.

“Alright, boys, it’s getting to be sunset and we need to get back,” I announce when the day is over.The boys groan loudly and try to beg for another hour but Derek gives them a stern look. We didn’t bother picking anything up since Derek and I would both be right back. 

Getting everyone back wasn’t terribly time consuming but I could tell that Derek was eager to get us back into seclusion. It’s actually quite funny, we managed to tire out the boys completely to the point where they both fell asleep on the car ride back to camp. 

“You get Jackson, I’ll take Liam.” I tell Derek. The Alpha nods and takes Jackson into his arms, carrying him. And I lift the light five year old into my arms, his arms immediately fly to my neck and we carry them back to their mother. Mira answers the door quickly and smiles at her boys.

“Thanks for taking them out today.” She smiles at us while we lay the boys in their beds.

“No problem, we had a lot of fun and Jackson is actually really good at fishing.” I tell her with a light chuckle.

“They’ll sleep good tonight,” Derek laughs. 

“Well go on, go out and have a good night. You spent all day with children, I’m sure that couldn’t have been easy.” She gives us a laugh and walks us out.

“It was fun,” I tell her, “Have a good evening, Mira.” She waves goodbye and Derek rushes off to take our catch to the cooks for tonight’s dinner, while I go and gather what we need for tonight. 

By the time the sun is setting, my blood is boiling and I’m eagerly waiting for my man. My backpack is slung over my shoulder and Derek’s is in my hand. The Alpha comes running towards me with an excited grin on his face. He looks like a kid on Christmas. 

“Let’s go,” He says, moving towards the truck but I grab his hand and pull him to the stable.

“Let’s take Argo,” I tell him. His eyes widen in surprise, “I know you’ve never ridden before but it’s fun and hey, every couple needs to go horseback riding at least once in their relationship.”

He laughs at my joke but nods and follows me. Argo looks at him with wariness and mischief. The horse fidgets when Derek gets close, making the Alpha feel very nervous. Damn horse is doing that on purpose.

“Argo, stop being a dick,” I scold. He whinnies loudly in amusement but lets me mount him and I hold a hand out to a very unsure Derek. The Alpha mans up and grabs my hand, jumping up onto the horse’s back. Argo steps forward, making Derek’s arms wrap around my waist tightly and he shoves his nose in the crook of my neck, his breath comes out quick and nervous. 

“It’s alright, Der.” I laugh, “I won’t let you fall off.”

“Shut up, Stiles.” His voice is muffled in my neck but I can tell he’s trying to sound tough. It only makes me laugh harder.

“Hold on tight,” I tell him and his arms tighten just a little bit more as I grab the reins and spur my horse into a run towards the lake. Derek is nervous, I can tell, but after a few minutes in a light run, he calms down a little. With his body pressed against me, I feel warm and safe. And his firm front, pressed against mine. . .well, he’s either got a pistol in his pocket or he’s really happy to see me. 

Just to get my Alpha going, I gyrate my hips, grinding back on his erection. His arms tighten around me and a low growl resounds from deep in his chest. The noise sparks my own arousal as he nips gently on my earlobe. When we finally make it back to the lake, we’ve calmed down some, but the sexual tension is still heavy. He hops off of Argo’s back and offers me a hand. Derek has an easy grin but I can see the lust behind his eyes. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love seeing you in your fatigues?” Derek asks me with a sly grin.

“Men love a guy in uniform.” I wink at him. 

“Yes I do,” Derek winks back, “Now all I need to know is how to get you out of those fatigues.”

“Only after dinner.” I grin. He nods and quickly sets off to make us dinner and I head in to the trailer to get things ready for later on tonight. The bed is just as I left it, messy in my haste to escape all those months ago. But the sheets still smell like me and it’s clean. Eagerness fills my heart and I know that whatever happens tonight, I want to make it wonderful for both of us. When dinner is ready for the both of us, we eat in comfortable silence. Giving each other glances frequently. Then when we both finish our meal, it’s a tad awkward. He’s not sure what to do and neither am I. Who’s going to break the silence? Who’s going to make the first move? Well, I have had an idea about what I want to do first. So I get to my feet and leave a confused Derek by the trailer.

“You coming or not?” I asked him with a suggestive smirk. I can hear him now, I can hear him tripping over his feet, moving towards me as fast as he can manage. At the lake shore, I strip off my shirt and toss it on the ground, pull off my boots and kick them away. Then I unzip my pants and begin to pull them off when I turn to look at a very stunned werewolf. Derek’s eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open slightly. I can’t help but smirk at him and shimmy out of my pants.

“Just gonna stare at me all night?” I ask him, “Not that I mind, pretty kinky if you ask me.” And when the pants are down, the last thing to go are my boxers. Once those hit the ground, a low growl comes from behind me and I know Derek is sizing me up. 

The lake water is cool and only slightly cold in the night. But it’s absolutely perfect and helps to cool my heated skin from the blush slowly taking over my whole body. I turn in the water and look at my gorgeous boyfriend.

“You coming?” I ask with a small smile. Then he gets with the program and strips from his clothing faster than I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen him naked many times, many  _ many  _ times. But this time is special. This time is special because now we’re together like we’ve always been meant to be. And we’ve grown together so quickly, as if two parts of one whole coming together. I’ve become secure in myself, and I’m secure in myself to give all of me to him. And him to me.

Derek meets me in the water, his eyes flashing crimson with power. He wraps his arms around me and takes my naked body against his. His flesh is hot and slick, warming me instantly. I wrap my legs around his waist and he keeps his feet planted firmly on the ground, keeping us anchored in the water.  _ My God.  _ See well now I can’t concentrate on anything. 

Derek groans loudly when my groin presses against his. We’re both a half-mass and now with our bodies pressed against one another, and his heat is making me go insane. And the look from Derek. . .his eyes are blown with lust and his hot breath blows against my face. 

“Took you long enough,” I smile gently and cup his cheek with my hand. His arms tighten around me and his chest presses against mine. 

“Worth the wait,” Derek whispers to me. And his soft, warm lips meet mine in a heated kiss that doesn’t seem to end. I don’t want it to end. The kiss starts off slow and hot, and slowly becomes desperate and needy as we frantically hump against one another seeking release. And my beautiful boyfriend, can’t wait any longer and hauls us both out of the lake, back to the trailer. He grabs to towel on the way in and dries us off as quickly as he can manage then sets me on the bed, crawling between my legs. I can’t help but whimper in the need I feel. 

“Stiles,” Derek growls. I could get used to hearing that. I tilt my head back slightly and moan his name breathily making the wolf go absolutely nuts. Derek shoves his nose in my neck and begins sucking marks along my throat, “So perfect.”

“Der-” I moan, “Please-”

“What do you want, baby?” Derek asks, grinding his own erection against mine. The delicious friction makes my brain melt just a little. And it takes me another moment to gather my thoughts.

“ _ Touch me,”  _ I beg him. He hefts my legs up to his sides and around his waist, gently prying them open. 

“Smell so perfect,” Derek groans as his fingers close around my dick. He licks his palm and returns his hand to my cock and the pleasure increases. His fingers are firm and pressing as they stroke up and down and  _ up and down.  _

“Ah-Derek!” I cry out as the pleasure mounts in the pit of my belly. And just as I feel like I’m about to cum, his fingers disappear, “ _ Derek-”  _ I whine.

“Shhh, baby,” He hushes me, pushing me back on the bed and leans down, closer and closer. . .”I’ll give you what you need,” and his tongue laps against my hole making my whole body go taut and shiver violently.

“ _ Derek!”  _ I moan loudly, clinging to his hair, “Ah!” 

My legs fall as open as they possibly can and he lips me up like I weigh nothing, propping me on his arms so that he can continue to work his magic tongue over my hole, slickening it. I feel like I’m on the verge of passing out from the pleasure. It feels so right, so wet and warm. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. He’s wracking my whole world. I’m left a whining, moaning mess in his arms, begging for more.

“ _ Der-”  _ I moan breathlessly, “Please. . .please stop teasing me,”

“Tell me what you want baby, I want to hear you say it,” Derek growls, lifting his head slightly to look at me, his eyes give me chills. He waits patiently, deviously licking a wet stripe up my cock making me shudder.

“ _ Please!”  _ I cry, “Alpha please. . .please make love to me.”

Derek growls and pulls my hips closer to his and begins to open me up with a slick finger. Then another, stroking and pushing my hole wider and wider. He leaves me a hot, moaning mess. At this point, I’m begging for his cock.

“Fill me up, Alpha,” I beg him.

“Your wish is my command.” Derek grins, and maneuvers me to where he wants me, with my shoulders pressing into the mattress and my thighs around his hips. The tip of his gorgeous cock presses against my hole and he steadies me as I try to get a hold on my breathing. He cups my cheek and kisses me as he enters me, slowly and insistently. The tight, spread of my hole burns at first and the fullness of my body is a strange feeling at first. Derek gives me a minute to get used to the spread. I look at this amazing man on top of me, his torso covering mine in the moonlight, his strong chest right above me. I lift my arms to his neck and bring him down into a kiss. He’s struggling to keep still to give me time to adjust. 

_ And the way he looks at me. . . _

It takes my breath away. My beautiful wolf. He looks at me with such love and devotion. And after a few moments of just feeling his cock inside me, I get him to start moving. The uncomfortable feeling is back and Derek is so gentle with me, setting a slow, gentle pace.

_ And the noises he makes. . .  _

It sounds so erotic. The sound of skin on skin and my Alpha’s little groans and growls. It’s enticing and arousing. Derek kisses me frantically, anchoring his tongue on mine. One of his hands flies down to my cock and wraps around it making me arch up against him and cry out. 

“So tight,” Derek groans, “Gonna cum, Stiles, fuck!”

“God, Der, I’m so close” I huff out, “Do it. Cum in me.”

“Stiles-” He grunts, plowing me harder, his hips lose his rhythm now as he thrusts into me frantically chasing his relief, his hand strokes my cock faster, trying to match his thrusts. 

“Cum, Alpha,” I whisper to him, feeling the edge of my release, “Cum for me, Alpha.”

“Stiles!” He growls my name as his orgasm shakes his entire body and I feel his cum releasing inside me and my entire body shudders as I’m pulled over the edge, shootings strings of hot white cum onto our bellies. The powerful orgasm makes me see dark spots in my vision and my cock feels so tight and wonderful at the same time. I cling to Derek and cry out his name over and over like a mantra, riding the waves of my climax to the very end.

And when we’ve both caught our breath, Derek slips out of me, making me grunt at the loss and retrieves a towel to wipe us down. Derek’s hands are gentle and reverent as he cleans me. And when he finishes, I take his hand and pull him in close to me. His arms encircle my waist and he pulls the covers over our bodies. My entire being feels heavy and warm and oh so sated. The little trailer is illuminated by the windows that are just above us, wrapping around the little bedroom. It feels like we’re in an observatory. The night sky is so clear, we can see each and every star. It’s quiet and peaceful. If I wasn’t feeling so wonderfully alive I would believe that I had died. Derek nuzzles against me and I giggle at the ticklish scratches of his beard. 

“Stiles, I had something I really wanted to talk to you about and now seems like the perfect time to do it.” Derek whispers to me.

“Uh oh,” I sigh, earning a little chuckle from my Alpha.

“No, it’s nothing bad. It’s actually the opposite. . .I wanted to tell you that I love you,” Derek tells me. It seems like even the crickets cease to chirp, “I love you so much and. . .I know that you’re my mate.”

I turn in his arms to face him. His beautiful face and glowing eyes seem to stick out even more in the moonlight. I can see the fear in his eyes. He’s afraid that I won’t feel the same, that he’ll have to explain why mates are so important. And so many other fears, insecurities and memories get in the way of him seeing that I love him just as much as he loves me. And that I already know what it means to be mates because I’ve felt this way about him too, I’ve wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives since I've known him. 

“Say something. . .” He begs quietly.

“I love you too, Der. More than anything on this Earth. Except maybe the wolves. You’re up there with them on the ‘ _ Things Stiles Loves’  _ chart,” I give him a gentle smile, “And I’ve been wanting to give you something for a long time. . .”

I had stashed that bag of rings I pilfered from a jewelry store a long time ago in the trailer a ways back and under my mattress right now, is the rings I had set aside for myself in some foolish hope that I might be able to give one to someone special. And now I’m smiling back at the past me and his hope. Derek looks at me quizzically as I back out of his embrace to retrieve what I want under the mattress. When I present one of the rings to Derek, his eyes go wide.

“Whatever mating entails, I want it. Because I want you, every bit of you, for the rest of our lives,” I tell him with a smile. He takes the ring out of my hand and looks at it with wide eyes and his fingers tighten around it as if he’s afraid of it disappearing.

“Stiles-”

“I spent a lot of time running. Across the country, from one evil to the next and when I had given up home on ever finding peace, I found you. And it took me a while to realize. . .that all that running, all of it, led me to you,” I stroke his cheek lovingly, “Led me to home.”

He’s silent for a few moments but I can read the emotions on his face like a book and they’re exactly what I feel for him. I slip the ring on his finger and he slides on mine. The silver bands glint in the moonlight and fill my heart to the brim with joy. Derek pulls me tight against his chest and kisses me deeply. Our limbs tangle together and it looks like we’re melding from two bodies into one. He kisses me, snuggling tightly against me.

“Sometimes when I think about how close I came to losing you. . .so many times. . .” He chokes up a little, “I came so close, so many times, to losing you. And I. . . _ fuck,  _ I can’t breathe.”

“I’m here now,” I say to him, “I’m here now and I’m never leaving ever again,”

“I love you so much, Stiles,” Derek whispers to me, “I’ll tell you every day, every minute, how much you mean to me.”

“We have forever, baby.” I say reassuringly, “We have forever.”

“Forever.” Derek agrees. 

Here in this little itty bitty cabin, wrapped up in each other smelling like sex, is the future that I never thought I could have. In less than a year, I managed to find a home, friends, a mate. . . I managed to find a future and my God, that future is looking pretty good. This entire world is falling apart, rotting and decomposing. But we’re here. We’re here and we’re alive. So, wonderfully alive with a bright, promising future. I couldn’t have asked for a better life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with all things, this fic too shall end. I like even numbers so I thought that this would be a nice number to end things on. Thank you all for reading this story, I worked really hard on it and really loved writing it. It made me so happy to see so many people messaging me and loving my story so thank you! I hope you enjoyed it and that if you like my writing, you'll check out my other stories. I'm going to put out a new story soon and I hope you guys will all stick around to see what it's about! So one last time, thank you all and I hope that life treats you well :)

**Author's Note:**

> I read comments!


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